Monday, December 22, 2014

Please Be Kind To Yourself







May nasermunan akong kaibigan. (Love you H! Hope I didn't ruin your night.) Sharing parts of our conversation just in case may ibang taong makinabang sa naging usapan namin. :)

Carpe diem!

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Saturday, December 20, 2014

Bago Mo Paikutin Mundo Mo Sakanya

Photo from pixgood.com

I had an amazing conversation with a new friend last weekend. I found myself listening to her in awe. I was blown away with the fact that I saw my 23-year old self in her. Madaming aspirations, ang daming gusto mangyari sa buhay, ang taas ng ambisyon. One question dawned into me during my "me" time though... Anong nangyari sakin?

I'm speaking only based on my experience but I would like to share this because I know somehow, somewhere, may mga makakarelate. Don't get me wrong. Hindi ako patapon. I'm very much in love with my life right now but before I got to where I am, ang dami ko sinayang na pagkakataon, ang dami kong tinapon na oras. Bakit? One word... LOVE.

This is not a bitter story. I blame no one other than myself because trust me... ANG LAKAS MAKADISKARIL NG BUHAY PAG MALI ANG KONSEPTO MO SA SALITANG "PAGMAMAHAL". I'm not only talking about love for a partner, I'm talking about love in general which encompasses yung pagmamahal sa pamilya, sa kaibigan, at sa kung sino sino pa. Na akala mo pag mas mahal mo sila mas magiging masaya ka. Tipong kakalimutan mo sarili mo maaccommodate mo lang yung mga gusto nila. Na bibitawan mo pati pangarap mo dahil gusto mo sa lahat kasama sila. The sad part? Lahat 'to mangyayari without you even knowing it. Marerealize mo nalang pag may magpaalala sayo kung sino ka talaga before you decided to put your life on hold so you could build a future with someone else.

Sa mga walang tinitira sa sarili...

I get you. I've been there. But believe me... Kaya mo mahalin ng totoo ang sarili mo at ibang tao ng sabay. Do not submit yourself completely because love doesn't work that way. Try your best to be conscious about your decisions and how you balance everything because what most people fail to realize is that kung ikaw mismo nakukulangan sa sarili mo, eventually magiging kulang ka din para sa mga taong mahal mo.

Sa mga minamahal ng mga taong walang tinitira para sa sarili...

If you really love them, don't take pride or joy in seeing them na pinapaikot ang mundo nila sayo. It's not everyday that you get to meet people who could love that way. They are giving you a part of them that you can break so as much as you can, alagaan mo yung puso nila. Wag mo hayaan na idefine niya ang sarili niya sa kung anuman ang meron kayo. Don't let them lose sight of their identity. Support them, encourage them, love them. Hayaan mo sila mangarap. Inspire them to grow and become better. Sa isang taong totoong nagmamahal, you will find it in your heart to feel pure joy whenever you see them fulfilled and genuinely happy.

Best relationship? Two people who are good on their own but choose to stay with each other because they know they're better together.

Carpe diem!

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Getting Over An Ex

Photo from avivaromm.com

Lahat ng tao may kanya kanyang paraan kung papano mag-move on. There are some people na kahit saglit palang nakakasama yung tao, inaabot ng taon bago tumigil kakaiyak. May iba naman na kahit inabot na ng dekada yung relasyon, in less than a month nakakatawa na akala mo wala lang nangyari.

Let me tell you this... It doesn't matter who broke up with who. Sana wag gawing kumpetisyon ng mga tao kung sino ang mas nasaktan o sino ang naunang makaget over kasi sa kahit na anong break up, pareho kayong talo. Pilit mo mang ideny yan sa sarili mo pero in some way, nasaktan ka din. Hindi basehan ang tagal at gabaldeng luha para masukat kung gaano mo kamahal ang isang tao. I never thought it's even possible to have loved someone with your entire being but you feel as if insufficient amount of tears were shed when this person walked away. Na hindi mo mapilit sarili mong umiyak hindi dahil hindi ka nasasaktan but because you are too numb to even cry.

So again, how do you get over someone?

Sometimes the answer to this question lies on how you were when you were together. If you treated them well, if you were at your best during your time, if you loved them (as in “love” in its truest meaning) when they were still around. In my past relationships, I have realized that moving on was hardest when you know na ikaw yung nakasakit or when you know na ikaw ang nagkulang. That perhaps during the time that you guys were still together and when you had the chance, you did not treat them well because you thought you will never lose them. Kasi pag natapos na lahat, hindi lang guilt ang mararamdaman mo, pati regret. But when you know that you have done everything to keep them happy and that you have given so much of yourself to make them feel loved, when they walk away walang regret, walang guilt. Just pain… pain na kayang gamutin ng panahon.

I can give you tips and what not kung papano makamove on like i-unfriend ang ex mo sa Facebook, idelete ang number niya sa phone mo, avoid contact, etc. but these things cannot be done easily kung deep down may urge ka din na makita o marinig siya, or maybe do anything to get their attention in an attempt to pull them back. I don’t know if this will work for other people but to get over someone in a healthy way, make sure na in each relationship that you get yourself into mahalin mo siya ng totoo. Na kahit kayo pa, imagining them walking away from you alam mo sa sarili mo na wala kang pagsisisihan. Mas madaling tanggapin na hindi lang talaga kayo para sa isa’t isa kesa lunukin yung idea na iniwan ka dahil nakasakit ka.

“It’s not you, it’s me.” – ang pinakagasgas na breakup line pero minsan ito yung pinakatotoo. Marinig mo man ‘to sakanya o hindi, kung alam mong ginawa mo lahat, tama siya. Kung hindi siya makuntento, kung hindi niya mahanap yung gusto niya sayo, simple lang… wala sayo ang problema, nasa kanya. In other words, dead end.

If you’re one of the million people in the world crying right now because of a broken heart, hear me when I say this… Embrace the pain because this won’t last long. Hold your hope that one day when your heart heals, it will be in its strongest. Na may dumating mang iba na maaring iwan ka ulit, sa susunod iiyak ka but you won’t ever be this shattered again. For now, suck it up, take it one day at a time because nakakabadtrip man tong pakinggan pero trust me, everything will be fine.

Carpe diem!


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Sunday, November 9, 2014

Ex and Second Chances

Photo from www.iwantcovers.com


If asked what’s my take on second chances (or third, fourth, etc)…

Na-blog ko na ‘to in the past and I would say na kung ano yung nasabi ko in 2008, I still believe in the same thing. Naniniwala ba ko sa second chances? It depends. True, everyone deserves a second chance pero depende naman yan sa nature ng hiwalayan niyo.

Sa mga break-bati, break-bati…

I have met a lot of couples like this. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against this. Bahala kayo kung anong trip niyo. But if I will be asked kung gawain ko ‘to, NO. I take the word “break” seriously. Ayoko siya maging laro o panakot, o something na gagawin ko para lang may thrill. This thing, I find it somewhat pang-high school (sorry, no pun intended). Opinyon ko lang naman. Konting away, break. Mababaw na pinagtalunan, break. Walang kabagay-bagay na kinairitahan sa isa’t isa, break. Tapos pag malamig na ulo… makikipagbalikan. If you are in a mature relationship, you will value each other’s feelings and you will respect your relationship enough to not break it off ng dahil lang sa isang bagay na hindi mo pinag-isipan. If you will make it a habit, mawawalan na ng sense ang salitang “break” sa inyo. Why I take it seriously? Here’s why.

Everytime you break up with someone, it’s you telling your partner “I can’t handle you and your imperfections.”

Everytime you break up with someone, it’s you telling your partner “I can drop you just like that but I can pull you back anytime I want.”

And every single time you break up is a wound you inflict on your relationship. Then you get numb. And when you get numb, before you know it mawawalan na ng halaga kung anuman meron kayo.

When couples fight, it doesn’t really matter whether nagsisigawan kayo o nagpapalipas muna kayo ng sama ng loob before you discuss what just happened, but if you really want to take care of your relationship, breaking up should never be an option unless seryoso ka. In the beginning of a relationship I always make that clear. A break up should be a process and a one-time thing. It is a process in the sense na pinagdedesisyunan yan at pinag-iisipan. And it is a one-time thing because once you cast the word, there’s no going back. Hindi naman sa ma-pride pero para sakin, “break na tayo” is equivalent to “ayoko na”. So when you say it, dapat sigurado ka. Isang beses lang ako magtatanong kung desidido ka and when I hear a “yes”, that’s it. And if you are this kind of person, you let your partner know that you want someone who respects you and your relationship, period.

If you will take your ex back…

Embrace the idea that whatever it is na nagawa nila to make you walk away, they could do it again. BUT… wag kang praning. If you give someone a second chance, it also means na with all sincerity bibigyan mo siya ng pagkakataon to gain your trust back. Stop bringing up past mistakes because if you will keep on taking it against your ex and use it as a bullet para may maisumbat tuwing mag-aaway kayo, eh tigilan mo na yan. Naglolokohan lang kayo. Remember, there’s no such thing as “getting things back to how it was before”, only “starting over”. So if you can’t let the past go and begin a new leaf with your ex, just call it quits. For real.

If you’re sure as hell that you won’t take your ex back…

Tama na yung “para pa ding kayo pero hindi na kayo” setup. Imbis na nagsasayang ka ng oras kaka-urong sulong because of this so called “attachment”, be fair both to your ex and yourself. Just say it straight and MEAN IT.

Why I rarely go back to my exes…

When I’m in a relationship, I commit myself to it. And I mean “commit” in its truest meaning. I will do everything I can to make the relationship work and giving up is not exactly in my nature. That’s why I’m very careful sa taong pinipili ko because I don’t do relationships just for the sake of being in one. But once I say “I’m done”, it only means that I have done all things possible pero talagang hindi na pwede ipilit otherwise we’ll end up hating each other. There’s no bitterness in that. It’s just that I’d rather start with someone new than go back to an ex and deal with the same issues ng paulit ulit. Sometimes you have to know when something is over and when it is, pull the curtain down, drop the bitterness, move forward and wag ka ng lilingon. Trust me, you will thank yourself later on.

Carpe diem!


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Thursday, November 6, 2014

The Real Girl X

Photo from wizzersworld.com


Someone who's really dear to me wrote something this morning and as I was reading it, I didn't expect happy tears to stream down my face. To think na hindi naman ako ganun kaiyakin. Nabasa daw niya yung blog ko about who Abciddy really is kaya niya naisip isulat 'to. To you, maraming maraming salamat. Natunaw ang puso ko dito. Seryoso :')

Sino nga ba si Abciddy sa mata ng isang taong totoong nakakakilala sakanya? :)

--

Tanda nyo nung panahon ng Friendster? There's this thing called testimonial? It was used to supplement your profile or about me. Back then, people were writing this on your profile to let your other friends know what kind of a person you are. Nawalan na lang ng saysay nung naglaon.

Anyway, i am not writing to discuss about Friendster. Baka nga kinder pa karamihan sa magbabasa nito nung nauso yun. My point is, I want to write something like that for Abciddy. But since i dont have a blog to post it, binigay ko na lang sa kanya.

Sino nga ba si Abciddy? Or Anong klaseng tao si Abciddy???

I can't answer the first one kasi kahit alam ko ang buong pangalan nya, sa sitwasyon ng buhay karera nya, mas bagay na syang tawaging Abciddy at hindi kung ano pa man. Ni totoong pangalan nya hindi na bagay sa kanya. Definitely I can spill the latter and this is my way of telling you na maswerte ako na kilala ko sya.

I know she already wrote something about herself but I think that was not enough for her readers including myself.

These are some of the many things I know about her that i'd be gladly sharing with you.

1. Girl X
Sya ang original na Girl X.

A friend used to dedicate blog posts from QWERTY (her past penname). Manghang mangha ako kung paano sya magsulat at mag-isip. Parang kahit complicated na, pag sya na nagpaliwanag, ang dali lang pala. Sabi ko, kailangan ko makilala 'tong taong 'to. But where could I find her? Kahit itype ko sa google yung QWERTY, kahit isa walang hit.

Pero ewan ko ba naman kung paano kami pinaglaruan ng tadhana, nakilala ko sya. I told her about QWERTY and my want to meet her. Ka swerte ko namang nilalang, nasa harapan ko na pala.

2. Tambay ng coffee shop
Since I got to know Abciddy, bukangbibig nya na yung pangarap nyang coffeeshop. May pangalan na nga e, may design na din. Alam na din nya kung san nya itatayo.

If you want to stalk Abciddy, here's a clue where you could find her most of the time. It's a coffee shop in Quezon City that was once seen in a movie. She could stay there from morning to have breakfast until late night after party.

3. Mahilig sa ice cream
Sya ang original na mahilig sa ice cream. Like Zander, yun din ang comfort food nya.

4. Lantern
Remember the 11/11/11 event in Mercato? Dapat pupunta kami dun e. Kilig na kilig sya sa excitement kasi naiimagine nya na yung kagaya sa movie na Tangled. Because of safety reasons, hindi natuloy yung mismong event so we ended up lighting our own. Mas maliwanag pa ngiti nya sa mga lanterns. Naiimagine nyo ba? :)

5. Simple
Unlike Zander, wala syang pakialam sa suot nya. Deadma sa brand, deadma na sa fashion. Pero hindi ibig sabihin nun dugyot sya manamit. She's more like Jill. Simple lang tsaka yung comfortable. Shirt, jeans and sneakers konting spray ng perfume, gora na!

6. Mahaba magtext
Siguro kasi writer sya kaya most of the time tanungin mo sya, ang sagot nya sayo mala 3 links. Example, Q: "Kumain ka na?" A: "Yup. Kasabay ko sila mommy. Nagluto kasi sya ng paborito kong kare-kare. Medyo late nga lang kasi ang tagal palambutin ng karne tsaka hinintay pa si daddy para sabay sabay na kami. Ending hindi naman pala sya dito magdidinner."

Ganong level!

And unlike Zander, hindi sya jeje magtext. Buong buo. Complete with punctuation marks and correct capitalization.

7. Friendly
Huli na siguro 'to. Kasi kabaliktaran ako nung number 6 e. :)

Wala syang masamang tinapay sa tao. She doesn't judge. Kahit sabihin mong masama ugali ni ganito ni ganyan, hahanapan pa din nya ng maganda sa kanila.

This is the reason kung bakit lahat ng kaibigan ko kaibigan na din nya.

I hope one day, you guys get to know her personally too. She's more than a writer. She's a lecturer. Unconsciously, she moves people's lives and plays with their emotions through writing. Tama nga sya nung sinabi nya na her works are more important than who the real Abciddy is. May you be inspired to live and love everytime you read her words. You are a huge part of her motivation to write more and better.

Until here,

-The Original Jill
(JK. Just kidding o initials ng name nya?) :p


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Tuesday, October 28, 2014

All About Long Distance Relationships

Photo from indipepper.com


Sigurado ako title palang nito madami na magrereact. Some people may agree with me while others posibleng magtaas ng kilay so uunahan ko na kayo. This is only based on my experience and my own perspective which means this is subjective. 

I have been in 2 long distance relationships. None of the two worked out obviously but despite the failure, I still believe in long distance relationships... I believe in relationships, period. 

The demise of my relationships with my long distance exes had little to do with distance but more of the level of commitment. Ang long distance relationship, kahit nasa magkabilang dulo pa kayo ng mundo, nagwowork pag meron kayong common goal which is to be together in one place one day. Like what one friend of mine said, companion in life ang kailangan mo, hindi chatmate. So if you don't see yourselves being together physically in the NEAR future, trust me, it's a ticking time bomb. And for two people to withstand the distance as they achieve their shared goal, dapat pareho kayo ng level of commitment otherwise, naglalaro lang kayo. 


I can go on and on about the pros and cons pero wala akong plano magpaseminar on how to make LDRs work. I just want to share with you my insight about this bilang pinagdaanan ko na.


For people who are currently miles apart from their partners...

One word: Communication.

Namnamin mo bawat letra, iinternalize mo yung totoong kahulugan kasi yan at yan lang ang magsasalba sa relasyon niyo. Communication as in constantly talking to each other.Communication as in LISTENING to your partner.Communication as in being honest and open. Communication as in UNDERSTANDING one another even in moments that the easiest thing to do is to give in to your pride. Yes, there is a big chance that you would grow apart but if you fight just as hard as your gf / bf does, then whatever happens, in the end, wala kang pagsisisihan. If you're worried that he / she might cheat on you, that's his / her problem, not yours. Masasaktan ka lang but the burden of ruining a relationship that could have been THE relationship, that's on him / her, not on you. Do your part and let them do theirs. But don't ever forget that you also have a life here. Hindi mo kailangan maging miserable dito para masabing mahal mo siya. Na kailangan iparamdam mo na magiging masaya ka lang kung magkasama kayo physically. A matured relationship does not work that way. If the two of you are grown ups, maiintindihan niyo na may kanya kanya din kayong buhay sa mga kanya kanya niyong lugar but that doesn't mean na hindi na kayo iisa ng mundo ng gf / bf mo. That's actually where the challenge lies, kung papaano niyo ipaparamdam sa isa't isa that you're still a huge part of each other's lives kahit may kanya kanya kayong inaabala ng magkahiwalay. While you're not yet together work on making yourself and your life at its best at sana ganun din siya para pag nagsama na kayo, di niyo na gugustuhin pang maghiwalay.

Just a tip. Wag na wag mo sasabihin yung mga salitang "sanay na ako" kasi once na masanay ka sa isang bagay, unconsciously hindi ka na mageeffort na baguhin yung sitwasyon. So kung masanay ka na long distance kayo, magsisimula ka ng makuntento sa ganyan. Sa tao ka dapat nakikipagrelasyon, hindi sa computer, hindi sa cellphone. So if you really want to work that out, don't get used to the distance para mas gawan niyo ng paraan na magsama ng totoo.

About cheating, kokonti lang ang may kaya ng LDR kasi yung karamihan may need talaga for physical intimacy pero para sakin depende sa tao yan. Pag mahal mo ang isang tao, effortless maging faithful kasi automatic response yan pag may temptation. Mas madali man magloko pag di kayo magkasama but when you know that you're in love with the right person, no matter how far you are from each other mas mangingibabaw na siya ang kailangan mo kesa sa kailangan mo ng may malalanding malapit sayo.

Carpe diem!


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Saturday, October 25, 2014

Move On Move On Din Pag May Time

Photo from thecollegecrush.com


“Paano mo ba malalaman na nakamove on ka na?”

Seriously, ang hirap sagutin. Years ago when I didn’t know how to handle a badly bruised sense of self and a then-I-thought-irreparable heart, naghahanap ako ng checklist online, just in case lang naman may makita ako’t masabi ko din sa sarili ko na “Ok na ok na ko.”

Pwede ko sabihin sayo na nakamove on ka na pag hindi ka na umiiyak minu-minuto tuwing naaalala mo siya. O di kaya hindi na nasisira ang araw mo marinig mo lang yung theme song niyong dalawa. Pero sa totoo lang walang ibang makaka-identify niyan kundi ikaw lang. Kahit magsurvey ka pa sa lahat ng taong nasaktan na’t iniwan, iba iba tayo ng trip sa buhay so walang general rule or indication na magaapply sa lahat ng tao.

This is just my point of view. If asked again kung papaano ko nalalaman na nakamove on na ko…

Pag hindi na ko nasasaktan…

I take it one day at a time. I cry, then cry some more hanggang sa ako na mismo ang manawa. Sometimes you just have to survive one hurting day after another until you wake up and realize that your heart is no longer breaking. The moment you quit asking questions and embrace your brokenness, that’s when true healing begins.

When I realize that I’m no longer talking about it…

Not because I’m teaching myself to forget the past but simply because it no longer matters. Totoo namang masarap pag-usapan at nakakatulong magbitter-bitteran but at some point you just get tired of it and soon enough you’ll realize that it is already irrelevant.

When you lose all desire of taking control of everything…

Na hindi mo kayang kontrolin pag nakahanap na siya ng iba. That you have accepted the fact that it all happened for a reason. That though it doesn’t make any sense at the moment you just trust that the universe immersed you to all that shit so you could save yourself and grow. That yes, maybe what they say is true, you deserve someone better or perhaps… simpleng hindi lang talaga kayo para sa isa’t isa. Na kahit irewind mo pa sa isip mo, you can’t do anything to change the outcome. You know that saying about death na “pag oras mo, oras mo na”? The same thing applies in relationships. Wala kang mababago kahit anong gawin mo kasi kung talagang hanggang dun lang kayo, yun na yun.

Pag napatawad ko na yung nakasakit sakin…

As in with no BS, kaya ko na humarap sakanya ng hindi ko siya minumura sa isip ko. That though I admit I seek justice dahil sinaktan ako, the sincerity of wishing them happiness matters more.

Pag napatawad ko na sarili ko…

For the things I should and shouldn’t have done. For loving myself less. For hurting myself in the process.

When I start being excited about life again...

This tops it all, at least for me. I can say that I have moved on the moment I find myself smiling because I started hoping that what lies ahead is so much bigger than the pain I went through. That love will happen to me again, maybe not anytime soon but in God’s perfect time. That I may have lost one person but there are more people who chose to stay with me and the best part is that their love is more than enough to heal me.

Walang manual sa pagmomove on. Wala ding ultimatum na pag umabot na ng taon at hindi ka pa din buo eh ibig sabihin loser ka na. Pwedeng mabilis, pwedeng matagal, walang rules na dapat sundin. But what I have observed na common denominator ng mga taong nakakamove on… they make a conscious decision to take a step forward and kahit magrelapse, they get back up and refuse to get stuck.


Carpe diem!

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When Singlehood Became An Unexpected Bliss

Photo from www.favim.com


Just thoughts I had this morning after speaking with a friend. Kinumusta buhay ko, work, lovelife, the usual. During our talk, I realized na oo nga no. I haven't dated for a long time. Not because I'm not interested or anything close to that. If it wasn't for that conversation, hindi ko pa maiisip. Somehow it felt like it didn't matter. I would admit at first it did. For a person like me who had been in long term relationships, spending time on my own was something new and this is surprisingly the longest that I've been single.

Not that I'm glorifying it or justifying not being in a relationship, and don't get me wrong, I don't hate the thought of having a partner, at sa mga nagtanong in the past kung takot na ba ko magmahal ulit the answer is "NO". In fact, gustong gusto ko pa magmahal ulit. Sino ba'ng may ayaw? I think people are born with it, yung need to be loved and eventually find someone they can share their life with. But I guess that's the thing about me, and maybe with other people too na kagaya ko. As much as I want to find love again, this is a newfound bliss. This has nothing to do with my past and with getting my heart broken or the thought that I fear being torn into pieces again because I already made peace with that a long time ago. I carry no regrets, guilt, not even hate towards my exes. When you have peace in your heart you just forgive everyone including yourself and it happens naturally, with little to no effort. It just happens.

To be honest, I’m in love right now. I’m in love with the life I was able to build for myself. Sure I have my moments that I wish there’s someone I can share this with but during these moments, I find myself praying and in His subtle ways, God speaks to my heart and I listen as He tells me that the best is yet to come. That He will blow me out of my mind one day as He gives me the sweetest surprise. That He will let me and my future love find each other in the most unconventional way but will leave both of us breathless as we realize that it was Him who designed the whole thing. This could happen, or maybe not, but for some reason, I trust Him.

I know myself now. I know what I want and on my way to pursuing all of it, the feeling is incredible. You know that feeling when you first realize that you are falling in love? Yung high? Yung para kang lutang na hindi mo maintindihan? That’s how I feel right now. Only that it is not for a person but for the life I have right now, the people I was able to keep, those who happily stayed with me, the unbelievable appreciation I have in pursuing my dreams, the sense of fulfillment when people come up to me or send me a message about how I inspire them and lifts them up somehow. What more can I ask? As my friend said: Siksik na kasi yung puso mo sa pagmamahal sa lahat ng nakapaligid sayo at sa lahat ng meron sa buhay mo, di mo na maisingit maghanap pa ng lovelife.

To you my future love, one day when you find me, I want myself to be this way. I have an amazingly full heart right now. A heart that can give you more than you can ever expect and more than I thought I could ever give. One day mababasa mo ‘to and when that day comes… I’ll smile, give you a gentle peck on the cheek and whisper… “3rd paragraph… that’s you.”

I may have not searched for you but I know in my heart na ibibigay ka Niya and when that day comes, baka makalimutan ko na naghintay ako because this time, with God's cue, I'm sure it's for keeps. :)

Carpe diem!


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Friday, October 24, 2014

#100HappyDays Behind-the-Story




I have already announced a few weeks ago that I will be writing a Project Ex spin-off. Truth be told, hindi dapat yung #100HappyDays yun because Project Why palang ang sinusulat ko, may draft na yung #100HappyDays. As if it was destined to happen, nakakatuwa na swak naman yung kwento kay Caloy at dahil gusto kong masurpresa ang mga magbabasa, I added a few twist.

The teasers that I have posted on Instagram, malayong malayo pa yun sa totoong kwento ng #100HappyDays. I have thought about the plot nung one time na nagbabrowse ako sa Instagram. Madalas ko makita yang 100 happy days challenge and it got me a bit curious. Ano nga bang meron dun?  After Project Why, yun na supposedly ang susunod kong ipupublish sa Wattpad instead of Project Z but I’m glad that I changed my mind because as time passed by, mas naging meaningful yung pagsusulat ko ng kwento ni Caloy.

This story is dedicated to my brother and the girl he’s looking for. So kay “boba_panget_pulubi”, my brother is in search of you so kung sa anong paraan man na makarating ‘to sayo, please contact me. You guys may have chatted so many years ago pa but yeah, he’s actively looking for you now. :)

Anong dapat abangan…

This is not just a typical love story of a boy who meets a girl and falls in love with her. Mahirap pantayan ang ZanJill love story but I believe in the plot of #100HappyDays so umaasa ako na mamahalin din sina Caloy at Bobbie ng mga readers. Just like in Project Ex, this will be a rollercoaster of emotions again and I will try my best to offer something different and something new. I’m not sure if this will be as memorable as Project Ex series but I’m keeping my fingers crossed, sana magustuhan niyo rin. :)

Pwede nga bang magsimula at matapos ang isang epic love story sa loob ng 100 days? Chatmate na soulmate? Kengkoy na happy-go-lucky meets come-what-may na di naniniwala sa destiny.

“Mukha lang akong di seryoso, pero pag dating sayo lahat ng lumalabas sa bibig ko totoo.” – Caloy

“Pag nalaman mo lahat ng tungkol sakin mahalin mo pa kaya ako?” – Bobbie

Abangan ang twist sa dulo :)

#100HappyDays coming this November.


Carpe diem!

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Sunday, October 5, 2014

Who Most Readers Imagine As ZanJill, Teasers On Project Z Ending, and What's Next For Abciddy

Credits to the photo owner

I believe that most of the readers of Project Ex Series are JaDine fans. Hindi ko na matrace how it happened but according to some comments, a few JaDine fans came across my story and had it promoted dahil naiimagine daw nila ang JaDine sa kwento nina Zander at Jill. Unang una, maraming salamat sa inyong lahat. Hindi man ako nag-iipon o nagpaparami ng reads sa Wattpad nagulat ako na lumobo ng ganun yung viewcount at nung umpisa nagtataka ako hanggang eventually narealize ko na iba ata talaga ang impluwensiya ng mga fans nina James Reid at Nadine Lustre. To be honest, I wrote Project Ex with no one in mind in particular. Kung ano yung description nina Zander at Jill, ganun ko lang talaga sila naimagine sa isip ko. I have been seeing a lot of JaDine on television lately and yes, I would admit, I said to myself at one point na “Oo nga noh, bagay nga sakanila”.

Project Z have two more chapters left. Hindi ko pa maannounce when I will be uploading it kasi ayoko madaliin yung pagkakasulat. I’m very meticulous on the details lalong lalo pa na ito na yung huling part ng story. The sequence of events and the ending is already drafted but I’m really careful with the narration para mas maexperience pa ng mga readers yung kwento. Naging si Paolo nga ba at Jill nung panahong wala si Zander? Si Ira na nga kaya ang bagong gf ni Zander? Kung oo, papano nangyari yun? Saan nagpunta si Zander? Bakit siya umalis ng walang paalam? Mahal pa ba niya si Jill? Magkakabalikan pa ba sila or will they move on with their lives separately? I know you guys have a lot of questions and promise, lahat yan masasagot na sa natitirang chapters ng Project Z.

What’s next… I’m not really sure if Project Ex Series will be published. Hindi ko pa po yan masasagot pero hindi ko din ikakaila na gusto ko siyang mangyari dahil lahat naman ata ng manunulat pinangarap na maipublish yung gawa nila. Pero mangyari man yun o hindi, I’m happy na nakapagpakilig at nakapagpasaya ako kahit papano through my writing. If Godwilling maisapelikula man ito, dahil kayo ang unang mga naniwala sa potensyal ng kwento ko, kung mangyayari man yun una sa listahan ko ang request ninyong lahat – JaDine. Pero sa ngayon ipagdadasal muna natin yan. Kung hindi man mangyari, at least sa kaisipan niyo sila ang gumanap. Sabi nga ng karamihan sa inyo… JaDine Feels :)

Maraming salamat sa lahat ng mga nagbasa at magbabasa palang ng Project Ex Series. Thank you din po sa lahat ng magagandang comments at sa mga nagpupush talaga na maging movie ito o TV series. Nababasa ko lahat ng comments at tags niyo. One time nakarating pa ko sa account ng Viva dahil sa mga nagmemention sakin sa comment page nila. As what I have said in the past, you guys inspire me to write better stories. Sana kahit matapos na ang Project Z wag niyo makalimutan sina Zander, Jill, Paolo, Mitch, Rocky at Caloy, isama niyo pa si Yaya Fanny at mga magulang ng BruNgas couple. My 4th book is already on the works. Sana suportahan niyo rin ang mga susunod ko pang magagawa.

God bless you guys! :)

Carpe diem!

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Project Ex Series - Behind The Story


Marami ng nagtanong how I came up with the plot at hindi ko masagot yun sa maiiksing pangungausap kaya iba-blog ko nalang. :)

April 2014. I was not in search of a story to write kasi nung araw na naisip ko yung kwento ng Project Ex, tambak ang trabaho ko nun. I guess my mind just loves to wander kaya nung araw na yun, while taking a bath bigla ko lang naisip yung benefits ng Internet at social media. Pero kung may advantage siyempre meron ding disadvantage. What if a person uses it to hurt someone else? Or gamitin siya para gumanti sa isang tao na nanakit sakanya? Hence, Girl X was born.

Wala akong specific plot. Kung ano yung nakasulat sa Prologue ng Project Ex, yun lang ang unang nasa isip ko. The rest of the story just flowed while I was writing it. Girl X was supposed to be Jill. Siya talaga ang una kong naisip but while writing, naiba bigla yung plot. Si Jill dapat sana yun because she wanted to get back at Zander dahil isa yung pinsan niya sa mga ex ni Z. Another was that originally boyfriend ni Mitch si Paolo but I felt the need to change that because I want to give Jill and Paolo an angle. Truth is si Girl X talaga ang bida sa Project Ex. Sakanya nagsimula ang kwento, Project Ex revolved around the mission to find her and siya ang naging bridge kung papano nahanap ni Zander at Jill ang isa’t isa. If Girl X is Jill, in real life it would be hard for Zander to trust her again so I had to create another twist in the story at para hindi masyadong predictable, binago ko.

Project Ex was not supposed to be followed by a sequel. Dapat talaga natapos na yung story sa footbridge. I wanted the readers to create their own continuation nalang sana but the request for a sequel was nonstop so I made a deal with myself. Na kapag nakaisip ako ng magandang plot for part 2, sige gagawa ako. True enough, a week after I uploaded the last chapter of Project Ex, habang naliligo nanaman ako (hindi ko rin alam kung anong meron sa pagligo) I have thought about a promising story kaya nagkaron ng Project Why. Dalawang araw ang inabot ko sa pagiisip ng title because I couldn’t find any title that would match the story and yung medyo may impact ng konti just like Project Ex. I spoke to a friend and she made a joke na Project Y nalang daw but I rejected it at first dahil sabi ko, walang relevance sa kwento until nung nadraft ko yung story, that’s when it made sense… Project Why.

In Project Why, originally si Paolo dapat si Mysterious Letter Sender. But then I was thinking about the message that I will be sending kung yun ang magiging ending. Paolo is a loyal friend and if anything, men create an amazingly strong bond when it comes to friendship. “Bros before hoes” nga sabi nila. Kahit gaano kagago ang isang lalaki, when it comes to their friends, they’re different. Although it happens naman talaga in real life na two guys who are bestfriends would like the same girl, I didn’t want that in the story because not only do I want to share my perspective about true love, I also want to show the readers the value of loyalty and friendship. Same goes with Ira na girl bestfriend ni Zander. I want to show na hindi lahat ng magkaibigang babae at lalaki may “something”. That two people, regardless of their gender, could be friends, as in platonic. It could grow into something more, yes. But when at that moment they say na they are just friends, it’s possible that that’s how they really see each other. No self-denial or whatever.

Again, sabi ko last na ang Project Why. The two stories are already okay for me sa totoo lang. I was happy with the ending. Kung hindi ko na siya dugtungan, ok na ok na siya. But then nafeel ko at some point na parang kulang. Project Ex, Why… asan na yung Z? Feeling ko it was meant to be a trilogy kasi coincidentally, Z ang nickname ni Zander. So yung part 3, hindi na ko nahirapan isipin yung kwento only that I had to think of a type of narration na mapapalabas ko how the characters matured and how their story will be different from Project Ex. The progression of the story from the first book to the second book, I really tried my best na hindi magkaroon ng stagnancy sa mga characters because in real life, people do change. Yung pagpapalabas nun sa kwento yung isa sa pinakamahirap.

In Project Z, I wanted to make everything more intense. More intense yung kilig, more intense yung confrontation, more intense yung mga linyang bibitawan because in Project Z, I want to show the readers yung nature ng relationship ng main characters. Na it is “young love” but it is real, it is true and could possibly be their “great love”. I wanted to cater to all types of audience, yung mga hindi pa nainlove, yung mga nainlove na , nasaktan, naiwanan, mga nagsisimula palang maintindihan ang salitang “love”, those who doesn’t believe in it, those who have lost faith in it, lahat. So if you will really observe the development of the story, lahat yan lumabas sa mga characters hindi lang kay Jill at Zander. I also touched the role of family when you’re in a relationship at hindi ko ginawang kumplikado yung part na yun kasi sa totoo lang, ang pamilya pag nakikitang nakakabuti ang dalawang tao sa isa’t isa, bakit pipigilan? At sa totoong buhay, hindi lahat ng mayaman gusto sing yaman din nila ang makakatuluyan ng anak nila. OA lang ang mga soap opera ;)

Now yung part na marami ang nagreact, yung breakup scene. Ang tagal ko pinag-isipan yung part na yun because I want their breakup to be as passionate as the love that they have for each other. Same level of intensity. I don’t want a common reason na third party kasi sa totoong buhay, hindi lang naman third party ang pwedeng maging rason ng paghihiwalay. So I thought of a conflict na not too common on written stories but still relatable. I wasn’t happy that I broke many hearts on Chapter 7 but I don’t regret it because as much as it was intense and painful to read, I will stay true to my promise that I will give Zander and Jill the ending that they deserve.

As to how I have written it, yes may mga inspiration. I am all the characters in the story. Don’t freak out though. Haha! I’m not crazy. A part of me is Jill, Zander, Paolo, Mitch, Rocky, Caloy and even the minor characters sa kwento. Some of the scenes happened in real life sa akin at sa mga taong malalapit sakin. When I write, para akong nanonood ng pelikula sa isip ko at kung ano yung naiimagine ko, eksaktong yun din ang sinusulat ko kaya specific ako minsan sa date, sa mga suot nila, sa expression ng mukha at pati sa maliliit nilang galaw. The coffee shop is real. Dun ako nakatambay lagi. In fact, I brought a few friends of mine sa coffee shop na yun at tinuro ko yung mga area kung saan ko naimagine na ginaganap yung mga eksena sa libro lalong lalo na yung Spiderman scene sa Project Ex. Malapit sa coffee shop na yun may footbridge talaga at may fast food chain. Chinchin is real as well. The marshmallow and ice cream as comfort food, totoo din siya. I know two people in real life na marshmallow at ice cream ang comfort food nila. 

Sana nasagot ko yung mga tanong ng mga nagmemessage sakin about Project Ex Series. Next blog, I’ll talk about what’s next and about the JaDine/ZanJill craze. 

Carpe diem!

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Who Is ABCIDDY



I have been asked by many kung papano nagsimula ang Project Ex. Sino ba naging inspirasyon ko? Totoo nga bang may Zander at Jill? Sino ba si Abciddy at saan siya nagsimula?

Before I proceed with the last two chapters of Project Z, dahil marami ang interesado malaman yung totoong kwento sa likod ng librong sinulat ko, I’ll tell you a few things about me, Project Ex and the characters in the story.

First, sino nga ba si Abciddy? Abciddy is my pseudonym or penname. It was derived from the letters ABCD but I tweaked it a bit kaya naging Abciddy (pronounced as Absidi). It represents my love for letters, words, sentences, paragraphs, chapters, and books. Why am I hiding behind an alias? Marami na nagtatanong kung bakit hindi ko nalang gamitin totoong pangalan ko, the real reason is that I want the readers to focus on the stories that I write. I’m not really after the praise and adulation. Wala sa misyon ko ng pagsusulat ang magpasikat dahil ang gusto kong maging sentro ng lahat ay yung mga kwentong binubuhay ko mula sa imahinasyon ko. I want people to talk about the story and the characters, not me. Maybe one day my face would appear somewhere, na baka malaman din eventually kung sino talaga ako, pero sa ngayon, masaya na ako na maraming nakakarelate at somehow natututo sa mga sinusulat ko.

I have been a writer for so many years but I did it as a job. Grade 4 palang ako pangarap ko ng makasulat ng isang kwento. Sa edad kong yun nakakatawa na ang topic ko lagi sa mga sinusulat ko ay tungkol sa pag-ibig. Oo nga naman, ano nga bang alam ko sa “love”? The first ever story I wrote, sinulat ko sa apat na ¼ sheet na papel. Ganun ka-iksi pero may simula at ending. I can’t exactly remember the story at hindi ko siya naitabi dahil napulot siya ng nanay ko at itinapon. Napagalitan ako dahil sabi niya bata pa daw ako at hindi ako dapat nagsusulat ng mga ganun. But that was then, ngayon supportive naman na magulang ko sa mga bisyo ko sa buhay at isa na dun ang magsulat ng magsulat ng magsulat. I didn’t stop writing. I remember I was able to write 5 or 6 more stories and my first readers were my classmates nung elementary pa ko. I’m not sure if they remember it the same way I do pero ako hindi ko nakalimutan kasi whenever I look back, I am reminded that this is what I am really born to do.

High school and college came at nahinto ako sa pagsusulat dahil nalinya ako sa ibang bagay but never was there a time na nakalimutan ko yung pangarap ko na makatapos ng libro. The course I took in college is surprisingly not related to creative writing. Akala ko nung umpisa hobby lang ‘to but as time passed, even after college, ang pagsusulat ang nag-iisang bagay na binabalik-balikan ko. I have tried different jobs, managed a few businesses pero dito ako bumabalik. Finally, I embraced my calling but it was not an easy path because I had to give up comfort and a lot more things na kinalakihan ko’t nakasanayan. It became my bread and butter pero ako na ang unang magsasabi sa inyo that writing is not as profitable compared to regular office jobs especially when you do it freelance. But that’s only the part that pays all the bills.

It was only recently that I took a shot in writing a full story kaya nagkaron ng Project Ex. I’ll tell you how the idea came up on my next blog. Anyway, right now I struggle between life and work pero ang pagsusulat ko ng mga kwento ang nagbabalanse ng lahat. Kung meron man akong mababahaging payo to all young writers na makakabasa nito, ito lang… DO WHAT YOU LOVE AND LOVE WHAT YOU DO. Cliché man pero totoo. Ang pagmamahal ko sa pagsusulat ay sing tindi ng pagmamahal ni Zander kay Jill at sing tibay ng paniniwala ni Jill na si Zander lang ang para sakanya :p If God blessed you with that much passion in writing or in something else, honor Him by using it. Write because you want to share your story. Write because you want to get your word out. Write because you want to share your world to other people. Give them hope about life and love. Write about its magic, write about what’s real, write about what others think is impossible. Hindi mo kailangan maging magaling kasi minsan ang sobrang pagnanais na maging magaling nauuwi sa pakikipagkumpetensiya sa iba. All you need is to feed your passion to write and inspire other people and trust me, you’re good to go. J

Carpe diem!

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Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The Love You Deserve

Photo from tamunatko.blogspot.com

“Bakit ba ang choosy mo?”

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she suddenly blurted this out. Hindi ko alam kung may tamang sagot sa tanong na ‘to pero hindi ko kayang ipaliwanag lahat ng tumatakbo sa isip ko sa isa o dalawang sentences lang. I decided to write about it dahil hindi ako pinatulog nito kagabi. I never asked myself this question before but last night I thought about it long and hard.

The thing about people who have loved and learned is that they begin to embrace the whole concept of “knowing what you want”. And I guess that’s just it. I’m not being “choosy” out of pride. People may say “Screw standards, you like who you like”. Ganun din ako mag-isip noon. Sa mga pinagdaanan ko, I tried my best to analyze if I had a pattern. Kung saan ako nagkamali and what’s my share in the demise of my relationships. You don’t just lose people along the way and learn nothing. This is my perspective. I’m not claiming to know everything about love and relationships but in case may maka-relate, you’re not alone.

Let me share what I learned…

Before you get yourself involved with someone, ask yourself: Why do you want to be in a relationship? Is it because you want to feel special? Is it because you don’t want to be alone? Is it because lahat ng kaibigan mo in a relationship at gusto mo makiuso? Are you aiming for “forever” (if there’s even such thing) o gusto mo lang ng ka-MOMOL? Walang masama sa kahit na ano diyan basta alam mo kung ano ang hinahanap mo. And this is why I am choosy.

I want someone who is self-assured. A person who can live without me but still chooses to be with me. I want to be with you if you are someone who wants my company not out of an emotional need or a void that I may or may not fill but because my presence lights a spark in your soul. A person who I will take care of because I want to, not because I know you’ll fall apart if I don’t. Someone who will inspire me to be better not because I want to be the kind of person who can give all your needs but because someone as amazing as you deserves it. And sadly, I find people like this so rare nowadays. And this is why I am choosy.

I want to share a relationship with someone who I can grow with. We can be different in so many things but as long as we share the desire to be together and fight hell hard to protect what we have, I’ll stand by you no matter what. I don’t give in to momentary chills and occasional “kilig” not because I’m hard to please but because I know who I am and what I can give when I offer my heart to someone. All I want is a person who will say “I love you” and truly mean it. And this is why I am choosy.

My heart is so strong that it was able to glue itself together after being smashed into pieces by people in my past. Now it is almost brand new and I will give it to you because you know you have the power to break it again but will never do so because for once, a person like you will recognize that a heart that I fought so hard to keep pure deserves to be protected by a love like yours. And this is why I am choosy.

Working out a relationship with someone, I believe, is not rocket science. It takes two people who want the same things. I am not a square who will soften my edges just to fit in a round hole. I used to think na pag mahal mo ang isang tao lahat ng klase ng adjustment gagawin mo but I eventually realized that the person you are with is not a mold to where you should shape yourself. The two of you must melt together and create a pattern unknown to others… something unique, something only the two of you understands, something beautiful, something that can only be built by LOVE. And for me it’s either this, or none at all.

Carpe diem!



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When Do You Let Go?

Photo from thesusanblog.com

I’ve been busy the past few weeks both with work and on this book I’ve been writing. Iwas burnout muna so yes… I have to be in trance tonight and leave my toxic world for a few hours. Ergo, magsusulat ako.

I read a post somewhere one time. I can’t remember when exactly pero medyo matagal na. Thought-provoking, matagal ko na gusto i-tackle yung topic pero ngayon lang ako nagka-oras talaga. As stated on the post…

Kailan mo malalaman kung dapat ka na mag-let go sa relationship?

I wish I could talk to the one who posted it so I could have a clear view of the situation but since I have no idea what the whole story is, in general ko nalang ididiscuss. I’m no expert, so whatever it is na mababasa niyo, sakin lang ‘to. Disclaimer lang :)

Going back to the topic…

Kung ako lang… maingat ako when I get myself involved in a relationship. I don’t know how it is with other people, but for me, hindi ako nakikipagrelasyon kasi kung kanikanino lang. Oo, siguro nga pwedeng masabi na pihikan ako. Hindi dahil masyadong mataas ang tingin ko sa sarili ko. Mapili ako kasi pag nasa relationship ako, I want it with someone na sigurado akong ipaglalaban ko kahit hanggang saan kami makarating. So kailan ba dapat mag-let go? Depende yan sa sitwasyon and how you look at it. Sakin kasi, I have my non-negotiables. Maghihiwalay lang tayo sa tatlong rason, No 1: you cheat on me, No.2 pag pinaramdam mo sakin na hindi ka na masaya and No.3 ikaw ang makikipagbreak sakin for whatever reason you have. Other than that, I can bear. As long as I can see that the person I am with is doing everything to make the relationship work, hindi ko siya bibitawan. Because when you want someone to stay in your life and if you know that they want you in theirs too, you fight for it. Period. Pero pag hindi mutual ang feeling, kung ako ang bibitawan, ibang usapan na yun.

You fall in love with someone for a reason.  You just don’t fall out ng ganun ganun lang. Na gigising ka isang araw ayaw mo na? Being in a relationship is not easy at hindi yan araw araw sparks and fireworks. Even if you ask people who have been with their partners for years and decades, iisa sasabihin nila sayo. That keeping a relationship is hardwork. Hindi yan tipong araw araw in love ka. Walang ganun. There will be days na nakakapikon siya, na ang sarap niyang kalbuhin, na magagalit ka, mag-aaway kayo, na nakakasawa, na feeling mo ayaw mo na… but that’s the point. FEELING lang yun. Ang tanong… anong gagawin mo sa FEELING na yan? Will you nurture it o lalabanan mo?

I’m not saying that this is how relationships should be kasi kanya kanya naman yan pero para sakin, ang relasyon na nagtatagal, binubuo yan, hindi yan kusang nangyayari. Every waking day that you are in that relationship, you make a decision to be with that person and to love them even during moments that they're the hardest to fall for. I’m not saying na obligasyon yan but that’s what it means when you COMMIT yourself to someone and that is why you really have to choose who you give your heart to. Kasi pag binigay mo na yung puso mo, kasunod na niyan yung isip mo, lahat ng ikaw buong buo. So when you say YES to someone, do everything to protect what you have lalo na kung alam mong worthy yung tao kasi kung lahat ng tao susukuan mo, walang matitira sayo…

The question is not “MAHAL ko pa ba?” kasi araw araw pwede yan magbago.

Ang tanong… “MAMAHALIN ko pa ba?” kasi once pagdesisyunan mong OO ang sagot diyan, walang ng dapat pang pag-usapan.

Carpe diem!


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