Sunday, November 9, 2014

Ex and Second Chances

Photo from www.iwantcovers.com


If asked what’s my take on second chances (or third, fourth, etc)…

Na-blog ko na ‘to in the past and I would say na kung ano yung nasabi ko in 2008, I still believe in the same thing. Naniniwala ba ko sa second chances? It depends. True, everyone deserves a second chance pero depende naman yan sa nature ng hiwalayan niyo.

Sa mga break-bati, break-bati…

I have met a lot of couples like this. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against this. Bahala kayo kung anong trip niyo. But if I will be asked kung gawain ko ‘to, NO. I take the word “break” seriously. Ayoko siya maging laro o panakot, o something na gagawin ko para lang may thrill. This thing, I find it somewhat pang-high school (sorry, no pun intended). Opinyon ko lang naman. Konting away, break. Mababaw na pinagtalunan, break. Walang kabagay-bagay na kinairitahan sa isa’t isa, break. Tapos pag malamig na ulo… makikipagbalikan. If you are in a mature relationship, you will value each other’s feelings and you will respect your relationship enough to not break it off ng dahil lang sa isang bagay na hindi mo pinag-isipan. If you will make it a habit, mawawalan na ng sense ang salitang “break” sa inyo. Why I take it seriously? Here’s why.

Everytime you break up with someone, it’s you telling your partner “I can’t handle you and your imperfections.”

Everytime you break up with someone, it’s you telling your partner “I can drop you just like that but I can pull you back anytime I want.”

And every single time you break up is a wound you inflict on your relationship. Then you get numb. And when you get numb, before you know it mawawalan na ng halaga kung anuman meron kayo.

When couples fight, it doesn’t really matter whether nagsisigawan kayo o nagpapalipas muna kayo ng sama ng loob before you discuss what just happened, but if you really want to take care of your relationship, breaking up should never be an option unless seryoso ka. In the beginning of a relationship I always make that clear. A break up should be a process and a one-time thing. It is a process in the sense na pinagdedesisyunan yan at pinag-iisipan. And it is a one-time thing because once you cast the word, there’s no going back. Hindi naman sa ma-pride pero para sakin, “break na tayo” is equivalent to “ayoko na”. So when you say it, dapat sigurado ka. Isang beses lang ako magtatanong kung desidido ka and when I hear a “yes”, that’s it. And if you are this kind of person, you let your partner know that you want someone who respects you and your relationship, period.

If you will take your ex back…

Embrace the idea that whatever it is na nagawa nila to make you walk away, they could do it again. BUT… wag kang praning. If you give someone a second chance, it also means na with all sincerity bibigyan mo siya ng pagkakataon to gain your trust back. Stop bringing up past mistakes because if you will keep on taking it against your ex and use it as a bullet para may maisumbat tuwing mag-aaway kayo, eh tigilan mo na yan. Naglolokohan lang kayo. Remember, there’s no such thing as “getting things back to how it was before”, only “starting over”. So if you can’t let the past go and begin a new leaf with your ex, just call it quits. For real.

If you’re sure as hell that you won’t take your ex back…

Tama na yung “para pa ding kayo pero hindi na kayo” setup. Imbis na nagsasayang ka ng oras kaka-urong sulong because of this so called “attachment”, be fair both to your ex and yourself. Just say it straight and MEAN IT.

Why I rarely go back to my exes…

When I’m in a relationship, I commit myself to it. And I mean “commit” in its truest meaning. I will do everything I can to make the relationship work and giving up is not exactly in my nature. That’s why I’m very careful sa taong pinipili ko because I don’t do relationships just for the sake of being in one. But once I say “I’m done”, it only means that I have done all things possible pero talagang hindi na pwede ipilit otherwise we’ll end up hating each other. There’s no bitterness in that. It’s just that I’d rather start with someone new than go back to an ex and deal with the same issues ng paulit ulit. Sometimes you have to know when something is over and when it is, pull the curtain down, drop the bitterness, move forward and wag ka ng lilingon. Trust me, you will thank yourself later on.

Carpe diem!


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Thursday, November 6, 2014

The Real Girl X

Photo from wizzersworld.com


Someone who's really dear to me wrote something this morning and as I was reading it, I didn't expect happy tears to stream down my face. To think na hindi naman ako ganun kaiyakin. Nabasa daw niya yung blog ko about who Abciddy really is kaya niya naisip isulat 'to. To you, maraming maraming salamat. Natunaw ang puso ko dito. Seryoso :')

Sino nga ba si Abciddy sa mata ng isang taong totoong nakakakilala sakanya? :)

--

Tanda nyo nung panahon ng Friendster? There's this thing called testimonial? It was used to supplement your profile or about me. Back then, people were writing this on your profile to let your other friends know what kind of a person you are. Nawalan na lang ng saysay nung naglaon.

Anyway, i am not writing to discuss about Friendster. Baka nga kinder pa karamihan sa magbabasa nito nung nauso yun. My point is, I want to write something like that for Abciddy. But since i dont have a blog to post it, binigay ko na lang sa kanya.

Sino nga ba si Abciddy? Or Anong klaseng tao si Abciddy???

I can't answer the first one kasi kahit alam ko ang buong pangalan nya, sa sitwasyon ng buhay karera nya, mas bagay na syang tawaging Abciddy at hindi kung ano pa man. Ni totoong pangalan nya hindi na bagay sa kanya. Definitely I can spill the latter and this is my way of telling you na maswerte ako na kilala ko sya.

I know she already wrote something about herself but I think that was not enough for her readers including myself.

These are some of the many things I know about her that i'd be gladly sharing with you.

1. Girl X
Sya ang original na Girl X.

A friend used to dedicate blog posts from QWERTY (her past penname). Manghang mangha ako kung paano sya magsulat at mag-isip. Parang kahit complicated na, pag sya na nagpaliwanag, ang dali lang pala. Sabi ko, kailangan ko makilala 'tong taong 'to. But where could I find her? Kahit itype ko sa google yung QWERTY, kahit isa walang hit.

Pero ewan ko ba naman kung paano kami pinaglaruan ng tadhana, nakilala ko sya. I told her about QWERTY and my want to meet her. Ka swerte ko namang nilalang, nasa harapan ko na pala.

2. Tambay ng coffee shop
Since I got to know Abciddy, bukangbibig nya na yung pangarap nyang coffeeshop. May pangalan na nga e, may design na din. Alam na din nya kung san nya itatayo.

If you want to stalk Abciddy, here's a clue where you could find her most of the time. It's a coffee shop in Quezon City that was once seen in a movie. She could stay there from morning to have breakfast until late night after party.

3. Mahilig sa ice cream
Sya ang original na mahilig sa ice cream. Like Zander, yun din ang comfort food nya.

4. Lantern
Remember the 11/11/11 event in Mercato? Dapat pupunta kami dun e. Kilig na kilig sya sa excitement kasi naiimagine nya na yung kagaya sa movie na Tangled. Because of safety reasons, hindi natuloy yung mismong event so we ended up lighting our own. Mas maliwanag pa ngiti nya sa mga lanterns. Naiimagine nyo ba? :)

5. Simple
Unlike Zander, wala syang pakialam sa suot nya. Deadma sa brand, deadma na sa fashion. Pero hindi ibig sabihin nun dugyot sya manamit. She's more like Jill. Simple lang tsaka yung comfortable. Shirt, jeans and sneakers konting spray ng perfume, gora na!

6. Mahaba magtext
Siguro kasi writer sya kaya most of the time tanungin mo sya, ang sagot nya sayo mala 3 links. Example, Q: "Kumain ka na?" A: "Yup. Kasabay ko sila mommy. Nagluto kasi sya ng paborito kong kare-kare. Medyo late nga lang kasi ang tagal palambutin ng karne tsaka hinintay pa si daddy para sabay sabay na kami. Ending hindi naman pala sya dito magdidinner."

Ganong level!

And unlike Zander, hindi sya jeje magtext. Buong buo. Complete with punctuation marks and correct capitalization.

7. Friendly
Huli na siguro 'to. Kasi kabaliktaran ako nung number 6 e. :)

Wala syang masamang tinapay sa tao. She doesn't judge. Kahit sabihin mong masama ugali ni ganito ni ganyan, hahanapan pa din nya ng maganda sa kanila.

This is the reason kung bakit lahat ng kaibigan ko kaibigan na din nya.

I hope one day, you guys get to know her personally too. She's more than a writer. She's a lecturer. Unconsciously, she moves people's lives and plays with their emotions through writing. Tama nga sya nung sinabi nya na her works are more important than who the real Abciddy is. May you be inspired to live and love everytime you read her words. You are a huge part of her motivation to write more and better.

Until here,

-The Original Jill
(JK. Just kidding o initials ng name nya?) :p


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