Saturday, June 27, 2015

On One Sided Relationships



One reader sent me a message on FB asking my opinion about burning bridges. She has this friend who has been treating her differently na parang “pinakikisamahan” lang siya and she doesn’t know kung iiwasan ba niya or hindi. I won’t get into details nalang sa kwento niya kasi baka reader din yung taong involved. Hehe! I don’t want to be caught in the middle. But anyway, here’s my take about burning bridges.

I live by this rule (This only applies to me, ewan ko sa iba, disclaimer lang.):

Wag pilitin ang taong ayaw.

Nung kabataan ko hindi ko masyado iniintindi yan kasi para sakin, kung ano gusto ko, yun na yun. If I want to keep a person, I’ll do everything just to make that person stay. I’m speaking about all types of relationships. Basta pag gusto ko, gusto ko. Wala akong konsepto ng “letting go”. But eventually narealize ko na nakakastress pala. Na ako lang ang naaapektuhan, ako lang nasasaktan, ako lang ang nanliliit.

I had friendships like this too. Even isang past relationship. In other words… ONE SIDED.

Yung feeling na parang ikaw lang ang interesado, ikaw lang ang lumalapit, ikaw lang ang nageeffort… yun nga yun… IKAW LANG. The other person seems to not appreciate you dahil hindi ka naman talaga nila gusto as a person, naoutgrow ka na nila or… at ito ang pinakamadalas… natetake for granted ka kasi alam nilang hindi ka naman mawawala.

Aminado ako, hindi na ko masyadong bata. So in the past years, I have learned to let go of one-sided relationships. I’m not saying na dapat may napapala ka sakanila but a real relationship, a genuine friendship, for it to grow the people involved should nurture it. Hindi pwedeng isa lang. It has nothing to do with reaping benefits. It’s more like making the other person feel that you want him/her in your life too.

Sa sitwasyon ni Ms. Reader, nangyari na sakin yan before. Sa totoo lang yun ang pinakaayaw kong pakiramdam. Yung isinisiksik ko sarili ko sa taong ayaw sakin. Hindi madaling baguhin ang pakikisama sa isang tao lalo na if you value that person pero mas masayang mag-stay sa isang relationship or friendship na hindi “pilit”. Walang mali sayo, wala ring mali sakanila. Sadyang may mga tao lang talagang hindi swak. Hindi mo sila kailangan dedmahin na tipong wag totally pansinin kasi pag ganun, gagawin mo siya out of resentment because you were rejected. Wag ka umiwas kasi ang taong umiiwas, kinakausap ka na nga dededmahin mo pa. Mas ok siguro kung wag mo lang sila gawing priority. If they talk to you, be polite enough to reply. If they don’t talk to you, eh di ok. No harm done. Wag ka magalit. Tanggapin mo lang na hindi ka nila priority kaya para quits, wag mo din sila iprioritize. :)

Napakaiski ng buhay. Seryoso. Akala lang natin mahaba. And with that thought, sayang ang oras sa mga taong hindi ka naman pinapahalagahan. Why not focus on those who stayed with you? Those people who really get out of their way just to make you feel na importante ka sakanila? They are the ones who deserve your love, your attention, and your time. Kasi kung may mga taong ganyan sayo na dinededma mo, kung ano nararamdaman mo sa taong di pumapansin sayo, yun din ang nararamdaman nila. Alam mo na yung feeling, wag mo na iparamdam sa iba. Think about it. :)


Carpe diem!

--

Facebook: www.facebook.com/abciddy
Instagram: abciddy
Twitter: @abciddy
Wattpad: www.wattpad.com/abciddy

Do You "Like" Your Life?


“Buti pa si ganito…”
“Galing ni ano noh? Nakita ko lang sa mga posts niya.”
“Siguro si ano ganyan. Napansin mo sa mga status?”

Yan ang kadalasan natin masabi, mabasa at marinig kung saan saan. Bigla ko naisip, yung mga nakikita natin kaya online, yun kaya talaga sila? Yun ba talaga nangyayari sa buhay nila? Then I started looking at my own feeds. Nire-read ko yung mga status ko sa FB. Paulit ulit tiningnan mga photos sa personal Instagram account at binasa yung mga comments. Kung hindi ako ang may-ari ng mga accounts na yun at pawang nakikitingin at nakikibasa lang, ano kaya magiging impression ko sa sarili ko?

Hindi naman ako bored. Ewan ko bakit ko ‘to naisip. Siguro sadyang malikot lang utak ko. Here’s what I realized…

You cannot judge a person by what you see on their social media accounts. Some people highlight the positive, others dwell too much on the negative, while may iba naman who are trying to project a certain image na sobrang ibang iba sa kung sino talaga sila. That’s the point of posting, right? Bakit ka nga naman magpopost ng ayaw mo ipakita o ipaalam sa mga tao?

I have nothing against using social networking sites. Ayoko naman magpakaipokrita dahil ako mismo I’m fond of using it. All I want to say I guess is that what we see and what we read online, wala pa yan sa kalahati ng totoong nangyayari dahil yung totoong ikaw, yung tunay na buhay ng mga kaibigan at artistang nakikita mo sa FB at IG… it can never be captured in a selfie, a panoramic photo or a 15-sec video that you can post on Instagram. You cannot even gather the precise words to put the exact emotions you feel sa bawat moment ng buhay mo kahit dagdagan mo pa yan ng sticker at emoji.

Wag mo kainggitan yung mga taong akala mo may “perfect” na buhay because behind the façade, baka magulat ka na mas masaya ka pa pala sakanila. I’m not saying na kaplastikan ang mga posts na kadalasan nating nakikita online. Perhaps what I want to imply is that it’s okay to admire people based on what they show you but you have to stop downplaying yours just because you feel that your life is less fab than those around you.

APPRECIATION.

Appreciate what you have. Appreciate what God has blessed you with. Appreciate the people who genuinely care about you. Appreciate YOUR life.

Masarap makitingin at makibasa sa kwento ng iba because sometimes it allows you to fantasize about the things that you don’t have pero hindi ba mas masaya kung babasahin mo yung sarili mong kwento? That you get to lavish on its own color brought about your unique experiences na hinding hindi mararanasan ng iba? That you get to edit and revise those parts na gusto mong iimprove because that’s what life is all about… learning and changing.

Yung buhay mo, higit sa FB at IG, yan ang totoong kwento mo. Makulay at maganda kahit walang filter. Stop looking for validation dahil hindi basehan ng pagkatao ang dami ng likes at followers. Alalahanin mo na kung meron man dapat maunang maglike sa buhay mo, ikaw yun. ;)



Carpe diem!

--

Facebook: www.facebook.com/abciddy
Instagram: abciddy
Twitter: @abciddy
Wattpad: www.wattpad.com/abciddy

Friday, June 26, 2015

To Find or To Wait

Photo from www.huffingtonpost.com

Sabi nila pag hindi mo hinanap, hindi mo makikita.
Sabi naman ng iba wag mo hanapin, dapat hintayin.
Eh ano nga ba talaga? :p

Bago ko sagutin yung tanong… disclaimer lang. I don’t want to imply that I am right or that this is the only way because life and love, for me, is not always black and white. (parang nag-rhyme? :p)

Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam. Sinubukan ko kasi pareho. None of it worked.

Sabi nga ng isang character sa Chance Passenger:
Ang isang bagay, the more na hinahanap, the more na hindi nakikita.

At gaya din ng sabi ni Tin sa #100HappyDays:
Ang tao pag naghihintay, naiinip.

This is in the context of love pero it might apply to all facets of life na rin. When I tried looking for it, I got screwed over because I was trying to find it in the wrong places. Kaya… the more na hinanap ko, the more na napupunta ako sa maling tao. So okay, next experiment… maghintay. The waiting period… ugh! Frustrating. Really. The anxiety you get in that question that plays in your head over and over  “Bakit walang dumarating?” could sometimes be unbearable and not to mention, minsan depressing.

So… here’s what I did… WALA.

Try mo wag hanapin, try mo din wag hintayin. It’s not going to do you any good, kahit alin pa diyan sa dalawa. Start to look within. Focus on your life. Make yourself happy. So happy that the “right one” wouldn’t be able to bear to just watch you live your life on your own. So happy that the one meant for you won’t help but be magnetized by your positivity and would love to join you.

Alam kong cliché na yang “Love yourself first” pero may dahilan kung bakit hindi pa dumadating yung taong para sayo. Kasi minsan akala mo ready ka na pero ang totoo hindi pa pala. O baka naman ikaw ang ready pero yung tamang tao para sayo ang hindi pa. I have always believed that “timing” plays a big role when it comes to love. Yung panahon na magiging kayo hindi dahil convenient pero dahil sadyang swak lang talaga. It could happen to you in a year or maybe more but does it even matter kung ngayon palang masaya ka na?

And here’s the thing… hindi lahat sa buhay natin dapat umiikot sa lovelife. Oo, masaya. Nakakakilig. Nakakadagdag inspirasyon pero requirement ba talaga yun?

Minsan may nagsabi sakin na ang lovelife daw eh dapat “cherry on top” lang. Bonus kumbaga. Hindi ko gets noon kasi isa ako sa mga taong enthralled sa idea ng “love”. Pero as time passed and as you experience things that grow you, you will realize that LIFE is bigger than that. Na hindi dapat ikinakahon ang salitang “happiness” sa boyfriend, jowa, o lovelife. :)

As for those who ask papano mo malalaman pag true love na…

Sabi nila ang isang bagay mauunawaan mo lang when you experience giving it and receiving it. So… if you have given yourself the kind of love that you want, you’ll know what true love is. And at some point in your life, you will come across an amazing person who will love you just as much.

Don’t find it.
Don’t wait for it. 
Trust me, it will just happen and I promise... it will blow you away. ;)


Carpe diem!

--

Facebook: www.facebook.com/abciddy
Instagram: abciddy
Twitter: @abciddy
Wattpad: www.wattpad.com/abciddy

The 40-Day Challenge



I haven’t blogged in a while. Nakakamiss din pala. Anyway, this isn’t love related. I just feel like telling a story… my story this time. Sa mga students pa baka matagal-tagal pa bago niyo ‘to ma-gets, pero sa mga nasa real world na, sa mga nakakaeperience ng mastress sa trabaho, sa buhay sa bahay, and all other things that you feel like you’re responsible to, I’m sure nafeel niyo na at some point yung tinatawag nilang “burnout”. That’s exactly how I have been feeling the last couple of days.
Binalik-balikan ko yung mga sinulat ko. Nagbasa-basa ako ng mga blogs at nagsulat na rin ng kung ano ano pero parang may kulang pa rin. I’ve felt this way before and whenever I do, I pull out a random book from my shelf hoping that it would give me an insight… ang nakuha ko: “The Purpose Driven Life”.

Some people may know about this book. It’s quite popular actually. I have already read it twice since 2008. Pangatlo ko na ngayon. While reading the first chapter, a passage struck me…

“You were made by God and for God – and until you understand that, life will never make sense.”

Kekwentuhan ko kayo ng konting konti sa kung anong klaseng spiritual life meron ako noon… WALA. I believe in God, definitely. I have to because I was raised by a mother who’s extremely spiritual. In my younger days (not that I’m old… ahem!) kailangan niya pa kong pilitin at suhulan para lang sumama sakanya sa Sunday mass. Pero sa totoo lang, I hated Sundays way back. Kasi ayokong umalis ng bahay. I never really understood why I have to attend an hour of sermon eh wala naman akong napapala. Come on. Let’s not kid each other. Pag bata ka, you don’t listen to the priest. You participate during the mass dahil yun ang acceptable practice but the things you hear, they don’t make sense to you. Even until college, I was active sa mga religious organizations but it wasn’t because of my faith. First, it was because pinilit ako ng nanay ko. Second, dahil nagkaron ako ng mga kaibigan dun.  Panghuli lang yata yung dahil sa spirituality.

The first time I got to know God, as in really got to know Him was when I went through depression back in 2008. It was a year of an emotional turmoil. Napaaga yung quarter life crisis ko. Hindi ko alam kung nangyari na ‘to sa iba pero yung pakiramdam na parang walang nangyayaring tama sayo? My parents were so worried then because that was the first time they saw me that way… hindi lumalabas ng kwarto, hinahatiran pa ko ng pagkain dahil kung hindi pa ko dadalhan, literal na hindi talaga ako kakain. It wasn’t a protest o pagrerebelde. Hindi lang talaga ako nakakaramdam ng gutom. Wala akong gana sa lahat. Hindi ako bumabangon sa kama. Hindi rin naman ako umiiyak. Blangko lang talaga ko. That’s the time na nagsimula kong mahalin ang pagbabasa at pagsusulat. At yun din ang panahon na masasabi kong minahal ko rin magdasal.

I couldn’t talk to anyone. I don’t know why but whenever I try to talk to my family or my friends, nothing sensible comes out from my mouth. At pag walang wala na talaga, kanino ka pa ba lalapit? When I pray, lahat nasasabi ko. Kasi sa pagdadasal walang magagalit. Kasi sa pagdadasal walang manghuhusga. Dun ko naexperience yung magpunta ng simbahan hindi dahil obligado ako pero dahil gusto ko. Hindi dahil nagpapakabanal ako, pero ganito kasi naisip ko… What do you do when you have a friend who have helped you through a situation na akala mo sobrang lubog na lubog ka na? That friend na hindi mo naman pinapansin noon, medyo hindi ganun kasignificant sayo kaya di mo inasahan na sa pagkakataon na yun, siya pa yung nagsalba sayo? When that happens you start seeing them in a different light.
He didn’t magically make all my woes disappear. But He made me feel that I wasn’t alone. God made me feel that there’s hope. That if I hold on to His hand long enough, I will get through it, WE will get through it. That’s why I always say, tag team kami. And when you find a friend like that, you love spending more time with them. You love talking to them more. And when you pray… at some point you stop talking. Not because you don’t have anything more to say, but because you finally reach that point that you become ready, that this time it’s no longer about what you want because He already gave you that, heck He even gave you more. Now… you begin to listen. Your heart opens up and you become ready to follow His lead. Na this time, yung gusto naman Niya. Na dahil pinagbigyan ka Niya noon, ngayon ikaw naman ang magbibigay ng kung ano naman ang gusto Niya because sometimes, just being thankful is not enough, that sometimes you have to show that you really are.

So… I have realized that maybe the past few days I feel so out of sync because I pray to talk. I tell him my worries and I’m sure He feels my anxiety. I guess this is His way ng pagkalabit sakin and to say “Ok lang bang Ako naman?”

I came up with this 40-day challenge, pero sa pagsusulat ko ngayon at pagkekwento parang ayoko ng tawaging “challenge” but more of a “journey” – a journey of prayer, reflection, and discovery. I promised to sacrifice a few things that are within my comfort. Yung mga bagay na hindi ko kayang mawala. So for 40 days, I’m commiting myself to not eating pork and beef because I am a huge fan of meat (talk about burgers and pizza) and to lessen the use of social media so I could focus on my prayer time and devotion. More of an emotional and spiritual detox. It’s not going to be easy because I have done this in 2011 but when you’re on a mission, lahat kakayanin. It’s my 3rd day today. I felt the need to blog about it para mas madagdagan yung rason ko not to back out because when you send words in the cyberspace and in the universe, it somehow solidifies your commitment.

To You Big Guy…

You will always have a space in my blog page and a very veryyy big space in my heart. I can talk about so many things about love and life but how can I miss talking about You when LOVE and LIFE is actually YOU? I will never be ashamed of my faith. I will never be ashamed to talk about You because my dear Lord, all these things that I have and enjoy won’t mean anything if I don’t have You. Thank You for all the answered prayers, it inspires me. And thank You for all the unanswered ones, it humbles me. 40 days to prepare myself for what You want me to accomplish. 40 days to focus on You and nothing else. 40 days to know You more and to get myself ready to walk side by side with You.

Feel free to join me guys on this journey. Maybe you want to try it too. :)

Carpe diem!

--

Facebook: www.facebook.com/abciddy
Instagram: abciddy
Twitter: @abciddy
Wattpad: www.wattpad.com/abciddy