Forgiving a Cheater

Topic request :)

 “Have you forgiven a cheater?”

Answer: Yes. How? Mahabang usapan yan. It wasn’t easy. Forgiveness is actually something tricky kasi minsan akala mo napatawad mo na, then one day you’ll realize hindi pa pala. It’s hard to be cheated on. Masakit kasi pakiramdam mo you’re not worth the loyalty and worse, you feel like you don’t deserve to be treated fairly. Hindi ko na pahahabain pa yung cheating part kasi ayoko ng bitter statements. I would like to focus on the forgiveness part kasi at the end of the day, yun dapat yung mas mangibabaw.

Here’s the thing… the more you think about how you were cheated on, why you were tricked into believing na loyal siya sayo, saan ka ba nagkulang blah blah blah, mas lalo ka lang mahihirapan patawarin siya. 

The person who cheated on me doesn’t know na alam ko na. It happened nung kami pa. Saddest part, the third party was a common friend na pinagselosan ko, turned out my instinct pala that time was right. My situation is way too hard kasi nalaman ko lahat tapos na kami. Kanino pa ko magagalit? The night I knew about it, gusto kong sumabog. I am not a perfect person, I know I had my shortcomings, but never did I imagine na may tao na makakaisip that I deserve to be cheated on. Gustong gusto ko magalit. I think when someone hurts you yun naman talaga ang initial reaction ng kahit sino but my anger did not last long. I was hurt. Badly hurt. And I know that I needed to let it out. What I did? I prayed. Uncomfortable pakinggan for some people especially those who aren’t exactly spiritual but it made me feel better. I want Him to take away my anger. But I know He won’t do that because it is actually my job. That all He can do is be my strength and the rest lies within me, kung papaano ko ihahandle, kung mas pipiliin ko bang saktan din yung taong nanakit sakin to get even or to just let it all go.

Nag-isip ako bago ako magreact. Inanalyze ko kung ano ba yung makakabuti. I had the choice to talk about it but I didn’t. Why? What for? Mababago ba nun yung sitwasyon? Pag minura ko ba siya will it take back what happened? Hindi. In other words, it’s a waste of time. Regardless kung nalaman mo o hindi, alam ng mga taong nanloko sayo kung ano ang ginawa nila. They know it’s wrong, alam din nila na makakasakit sila but they still choose to do it. Being so, the burden is on them, not on you.

Listen… hindi sila masamang tao. They may be selfish but they are not monsters. Like what I always tell my friends, kokonti nalang ang tao sa mundong ‘to na mas uunahin ang iba kesa sa sarili nila. And by that I mean they have their needs. People cheat for different reasons but it boils down to that. They need something – thrill, excitement, validation, etc. If you look at the situation objectively, mas magiging madali para maintindihan at mas madaling magpatawad. Because then you will realize na hindi ikaw ang problema. That sometimes you have to look at them as human beings who made bad choices, malas mo nga lang it had to be on your expense pero ganun eh. The moment you let yourself fall in love with them sinugal mo na din yung puso mo. You can hate them all you want, trashtalk all you want but at the end of the day, hindi mababawasan nun yung sakit na nararamdaman mo. In fact you would even feel worse kasi nagpakababa ka. Alam mo ng mali yung ginawa nila, gagawa ka pa ng isang mali. Kung minura ko siya, o ipinaramdam ko sakanya yung galit ko, mas lalabas akong nakakaawa. Nabastos na nga ako dahil niloko ako tapos ibibigay ko pa sakanya yung satisfaction to see me at my weakest. They can hurt you but NEVER let them break you. People who treat you with no respect, regardless if it's intentional or not, deserve to be... o wag mo iexpect na sasabihin kong deserve nilang bastusin. Hindi. Deserve nilang ma-dedma ;)

Lahat sa buhay natin desisyon. In this case, the moment na niloko ka nila was the exact moment that they decided to let you go. Whatever their reason is, ganun ang relasyon eh. Kahit sino maniwala ka sakin hindi nakukuntento. The only difference is that some people try to find someone else to fill the void while yung iba, sila ang gagawa ng paraan para punuan kung anuman yung kulang sakanila.

In my opinion, nasa tao naman yan. It may take you a long time before you truly forgive someone or pwedeng mas mabilis ka magpatawad. But for me, harboring ill-feelings is a waste of time. Aside from this person who cheated on me, marami pa kong taong gustong mahalin like my family and my friends kaya ayoko dumihan yung puso ko. I felt bad for a certain period of time. Hinayaan ko sarili ko maging tao for a while pero hindi ko na pinahaba. Ayoko pumayag na wala na nga kami naaapektuhan pa din niya ko. It’s like this, I gave you my heart. If you want it, salamat. Kung ayaw mo, eh di wag. Hindi ako mapilit na tao. Kung gusto, gusto. Kung ayaw, la akong pake. I'm not saying that in a manner na parang bitter. I'm saying it the way it should be said, wala. akong. pake. :)

But then, forgiving you doesn't entail any kind of friendship with me kasi hindi 'to package deal. Hindi dahil nakapagpatawad ako ibig sabihin na pwede ka ng bumalik sa buhay ko o na pwede na tayo maging chummy-chummy because that’s a different thing. It could happen, but it’s not automatic.

Not because I don’t want to be your friend it already means na hilaw yung pagpapatawad ko. I just respect myself enough to choose the people who I keep in my life. I can’t be friends with people who I don’t trust so until you earn it, stay away. But you may take consolation on the idea that I have sincerely forgiven you. I will be polite if you want to talk but don’t expect me to listen to you and to share my life with you just like how I am with the people I value. No hate, just pure respect for boundaries.

So sa mga niloko, it starts with acceptance. Tanggapin na nagawa nila yun sayo, tanggapin na nagkamali sila at higit sa lahat tanggapin na wala sayo yung problema. If you feel hate or anger creeping in every part of your being, hayaan mo lang but don’t act on it. Take the high road, embrace the pain, but don’t hurt anybody else in the process (your ex included). It’s not worth it. It doesn’t matter anymore kung makarma sila o hindi. It’s none of your business. Besides, isn’t losing you karma enough? What’s important is that you’re working on being whole again.

Forgive them even if they don’t deserve it because believe me my friend, you deserve your peace.

Carpe diem!

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