Please Be Kind To Yourself

May nasermunan akong kaibigan. (Love you H! Hope I didn't ruin your night.) Sharing parts of our conversation just in case may ibang taong makinabang sa naging usapan namin. :)

Carpe diem!

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Bago Mo Paikutin Mundo Mo Sakanya

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I had an amazing conversation with a new friend last weekend. I found myself listening to her in awe. I was blown away with the fact that I saw my 23-year old self in her. Madaming aspirations, ang daming gusto mangyari sa buhay, ang taas ng ambisyon. One question dawned into me during my "me" time though... Anong nangyari sakin?

I'm speaking only based on my experience but I would like to share this because I know somehow, somewhere, may mga makakarelate. Don't get me wrong. Hindi ako patapon. I'm very much in love with my life right now but before I got to where I am, ang dami ko sinayang na pagkakataon, ang dami kong tinapon na oras. Bakit? One word... LOVE.

This is not a bitter story. I blame no one other than myself because trust me... ANG LAKAS MAKADISKARIL NG BUHAY PAG MALI ANG KONSEPTO MO SA SALITANG "PAGMAMAHAL". I'm not only talking about love for a partner, I'm talking about love in general which encompasses yung pagmamahal sa pamilya, sa kaibigan, at sa kung sino sino pa. Na akala mo pag mas mahal mo sila mas magiging masaya ka. Tipong kakalimutan mo sarili mo maaccommodate mo lang yung mga gusto nila. Na bibitawan mo pati pangarap mo dahil gusto mo sa lahat kasama sila. The sad part? Lahat 'to mangyayari without you even knowing it. Marerealize mo nalang pag may magpaalala sayo kung sino ka talaga before you decided to put your life on hold so you could build a future with someone else.

Sa mga walang tinitira sa sarili...

I get you. I've been there. But believe me... Kaya mo mahalin ng totoo ang sarili mo at ibang tao ng sabay. Do not submit yourself completely because love doesn't work that way. Try your best to be conscious about your decisions and how you balance everything because what most people fail to realize is that kung ikaw mismo nakukulangan sa sarili mo, eventually magiging kulang ka din para sa mga taong mahal mo.

Sa mga minamahal ng mga taong walang tinitira para sa sarili...

If you really love them, don't take pride or joy in seeing them na pinapaikot ang mundo nila sayo. It's not everyday that you get to meet people who could love that way. They are giving you a part of them that you can break so as much as you can, alagaan mo yung puso nila. Wag mo hayaan na idefine niya ang sarili niya sa kung anuman ang meron kayo. Don't let them lose sight of their identity. Support them, encourage them, love them. Hayaan mo sila mangarap. Inspire them to grow and become better. Sa isang taong totoong nagmamahal, you will find it in your heart to feel pure joy whenever you see them fulfilled and genuinely happy.

Best relationship? Two people who are good on their own but choose to stay with each other because they know they're better together.

Carpe diem!

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Getting Over An Ex

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Lahat ng tao may kanya kanyang paraan kung papano mag-move on. There are some people na kahit saglit palang nakakasama yung tao, inaabot ng taon bago tumigil kakaiyak. May iba naman na kahit inabot na ng dekada yung relasyon, in less than a month nakakatawa na akala mo wala lang nangyari.

Let me tell you this... It doesn't matter who broke up with who. Sana wag gawing kumpetisyon ng mga tao kung sino ang mas nasaktan o sino ang naunang makaget over kasi sa kahit na anong break up, pareho kayong talo. Pilit mo mang ideny yan sa sarili mo pero in some way, nasaktan ka din. Hindi basehan ang tagal at gabaldeng luha para masukat kung gaano mo kamahal ang isang tao. I never thought it's even possible to have loved someone with your entire being but you feel as if insufficient amount of tears were shed when this person walked away. Na hindi mo mapilit sarili mong umiyak hindi dahil hindi ka nasasaktan but because you are too numb to even cry.

So again, how do you get over someone?

Sometimes the answer to this question lies on how you were when you were together. If you treated them well, if you were at your best during your time, if you loved them (as in “love” in its truest meaning) when they were still around. In my past relationships, I have realized that moving on was hardest when you know na ikaw yung nakasakit or when you know na ikaw ang nagkulang. That perhaps during the time that you guys were still together and when you had the chance, you did not treat them well because you thought you will never lose them. Kasi pag natapos na lahat, hindi lang guilt ang mararamdaman mo, pati regret. But when you know that you have done everything to keep them happy and that you have given so much of yourself to make them feel loved, when they walk away walang regret, walang guilt. Just pain… pain na kayang gamutin ng panahon.

I can give you tips and what not kung papano makamove on like i-unfriend ang ex mo sa Facebook, idelete ang number niya sa phone mo, avoid contact, etc. but these things cannot be done easily kung deep down may urge ka din na makita o marinig siya, or maybe do anything to get their attention in an attempt to pull them back. I don’t know if this will work for other people but to get over someone in a healthy way, make sure na in each relationship that you get yourself into mahalin mo siya ng totoo. Na kahit kayo pa, imagining them walking away from you alam mo sa sarili mo na wala kang pagsisisihan. Mas madaling tanggapin na hindi lang talaga kayo para sa isa’t isa kesa lunukin yung idea na iniwan ka dahil nakasakit ka.

“It’s not you, it’s me.” – ang pinakagasgas na breakup line pero minsan ito yung pinakatotoo. Marinig mo man ‘to sakanya o hindi, kung alam mong ginawa mo lahat, tama siya. Kung hindi siya makuntento, kung hindi niya mahanap yung gusto niya sayo, simple lang… wala sayo ang problema, nasa kanya. In other words, dead end.

If you’re one of the million people in the world crying right now because of a broken heart, hear me when I say this… Embrace the pain because this won’t last long. Hold your hope that one day when your heart heals, it will be in its strongest. Na may dumating mang iba na maaring iwan ka ulit, sa susunod iiyak ka but you won’t ever be this shattered again. For now, suck it up, take it one day at a time because nakakabadtrip man tong pakinggan pero trust me, everything will be fine.

Carpe diem!

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