Breaking Up with a Friend

Photo from: Destination Femme

A reader sent me a private message and opened up about her bestfriend. I didn’t intend to blog about it but I hope she won’t mind that I did (I won’t drop your name, promise!) Anyway, it was about ending a friendship because of personal issues. I’m not sure if I have posted something similar to this but I’ll write about it na lang din in case hindi pa.

Is it possible to break up with a friend? Yes. And to be honest, mas masakit yun kaysa sa makipagbreak sa boyfriend o girlfriend kasi more often than not, mas malalim yung nabubuo nating relationship with our friends. It’s the kind of relationship na feeling mo napakaliit ng probability na masira that’s why when we meet people who we want to keep for a very very long time, kinakaibigan natin. So what will you do nga ba when you start to feel that the friendship you value the most seem to be in shambles?

There are so many possible reasons pero kung ako ang tatanungin, parang mas mahirap yung wala naman kayong specific na pinag-awayan. Yung tipong basta na lang one day naramdaman mo na lang na may distance na. At least kung may pinagmulang issue, you know what to talk about. Kahit paano alam mo saan mo sisimulang ayusin. But when you realize that you’re starting to outgrow your friend, or kung ikaw man yung naoutgrow niya, how do you deal with that nga ba?

I’m not the best person to answer, to be honest, kasi pinagdaanan ko din yan and I don’t know if I did the right thing. At first you will fight for the friendship and exert as much effort as you can to save it pero one day kasi marerealize mo na lang na may mga tao na hanggang dun na lang talaga sa buhay mo. It doesn’t mean that you’re erasing them from your life or that they don’t care about you anymore. It’s just that maybe they already served their purpose in your life. You guys are still friends. Walang papalit sa kanya, walang papalit sayo. Growing apart is not always a bad thing. Maybe discovering new friendships is the best for both of you now. Embracing the kind of growth you need as well as welcoming other people who could make you a better version of yourself at the moment is not easy kasi may mga bagay at tao kang mabibitawan either namalayan mo o hindi. It sucks but that’s life.

If you are the one who feels like being set aside, I’m sure you love your friend at sure din akong importante ka sa kaibigan mo pero minsan, kahit gustuhin natin, hindi tayo ang sagot o makakatulong sa mga pinagdadaanan nila. Make them feel that you’re still their friend and that you’ll always be there but respect the space they’re creating kasi baka yun ang kailangan nila. It’s going to be sad and just like breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, ang hirap magdetach lalo na kung sanay ka na nandyan lang sila but you’ll get over it. Try not to be bitter about it kasi at the end of the day, may pinagsamahan kayo. You will miss your friend, mamimiss ka din nun. Pero gaya nga ng sabi nila, real friendships survive everything. Hindi man kayo mag usap o magkita ng maraming taon, kung malalim yung pagmamahal na nabuo between two friends, one day you’ll see each other and it will be as if walang nagbago. I hope you look forward to that.

If the falling out happened because of an argument, malalim man yan o mababaw, just say SORRY. Ikaw man o siya may kasalanan, just say it and mean it. Hindi kabawasan sa pagkatao magpakumbaba. Pero depende pala ‘to sa bigat ng pinag-awayan ah. I-gauge mo din naman kung toxic friendship na yan kasi baka naman naaabuso ka na o baka without you knowing ikaw na yung nang-aabuso sa kaibigan mo. But if it’s a fight between friends talaga at alam mong bump in the road lang siya, save the friendship and TALK. If despite that lumayo na talaga loob niya sayo, at least let your friend know that no matter what happens nandyan ka lang (and mean it, okay?) Don’t ditch your friend in the future para makaganti.

Friends are God's gift. We treat some of them like family. They’re like an extension of us. Ganun sila ka-importante that’s why we feel messed up sometimes when we’re in trouble with our friends. I can’t tell you a sure formula to fix your woes with your friends but I greatly believe in love and its power kaya pag mahal mo ang isang tao, pamilya man yan, kaibigan o bf/gf, lalawak ng kusa ang pang-unawa mo at matututunan mong unahin ang nararamdaman nila at pangangailangan nila kaysa sayo. You will learn how to humble yourself and apologize, to forgive, to embrace change, and to be happy for them even if it means you have to simply care for them from a distance.

Carpe diem!

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For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11