Ex and Second Chances

Photo from www.iwantcovers.com

If asked what’s my take on second chances (or third, fourth, etc)…

Na-blog ko na ‘to in the past and I would say na kung ano yung nasabi ko in 2008, I still believe in the same thing. Naniniwala ba ko sa second chances? It depends. True, everyone deserves a second chance pero depende naman yan sa nature ng hiwalayan niyo.

Sa mga break-bati, break-bati…

I have met a lot of couples like this. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against this. Bahala kayo kung anong trip niyo. But if I will be asked kung gawain ko ‘to, NO. I take the word “break” seriously. Ayoko siya maging laro o panakot, o something na gagawin ko para lang may thrill. This thing, I find it somewhat pang-high school (sorry, no pun intended). Opinyon ko lang naman. Konting away, break. Mababaw na pinagtalunan, break. Walang kabagay-bagay na kinairitahan sa isa’t isa, break. Tapos pag malamig na ulo… makikipagbalikan. If you are in a mature relationship, you will value each other’s feelings and you will respect your relationship enough to not break it off ng dahil lang sa isang bagay na hindi mo pinag-isipan. If you will make it a habit, mawawalan na ng sense ang salitang “break” sa inyo. Why I take it seriously? Here’s why.

Everytime you break up with someone, it’s you telling your partner “I can’t handle you and your imperfections.”

Everytime you break up with someone, it’s you telling your partner “I can drop you just like that but I can pull you back anytime I want.”

And every single time you break up is a wound you inflict on your relationship. Then you get numb. And when you get numb, before you know it mawawalan na ng halaga kung anuman meron kayo.

When couples fight, it doesn’t really matter whether nagsisigawan kayo o nagpapalipas muna kayo ng sama ng loob before you discuss what just happened, but if you really want to take care of your relationship, breaking up should never be an option unless seryoso ka. In the beginning of a relationship I always make that clear. A break up should be a process and a one-time thing. It is a process in the sense na pinagdedesisyunan yan at pinag-iisipan. And it is a one-time thing because once you cast the word, there’s no going back. Hindi naman sa ma-pride pero para sakin, “break na tayo” is equivalent to “ayoko na”. So when you say it, dapat sigurado ka. Isang beses lang ako magtatanong kung desidido ka and when I hear a “yes”, that’s it. And if you are this kind of person, you let your partner know that you want someone who respects you and your relationship, period.

If you will take your ex back…

Embrace the idea that whatever it is na nagawa nila to make you walk away, they could do it again. BUT… wag kang praning. If you give someone a second chance, it also means na with all sincerity bibigyan mo siya ng pagkakataon to gain your trust back. Stop bringing up past mistakes because if you will keep on taking it against your ex and use it as a bullet para may maisumbat tuwing mag-aaway kayo, eh tigilan mo na yan. Naglolokohan lang kayo. Remember, there’s no such thing as “getting things back to how it was before”, only “starting over”. So if you can’t let the past go and begin a new leaf with your ex, just call it quits. For real.

If you’re sure as hell that you won’t take your ex back…

Tama na yung “para pa ding kayo pero hindi na kayo” setup. Imbis na nagsasayang ka ng oras kaka-urong sulong because of this so called “attachment”, be fair both to your ex and yourself. Just say it straight and MEAN IT.

Why I rarely go back to my exes…

When I’m in a relationship, I commit myself to it. And I mean “commit” in its truest meaning. I will do everything I can to make the relationship work and giving up is not exactly in my nature. That’s why I’m very careful sa taong pinipili ko because I don’t do relationships just for the sake of being in one. But once I say “I’m done”, it only means that I have done all things possible pero talagang hindi na pwede ipilit otherwise we’ll end up hating each other. There’s no bitterness in that. It’s just that I’d rather start with someone new than go back to an ex and deal with the same issues ng paulit ulit. Sometimes you have to know when something is over and when it is, pull the curtain down, drop the bitterness, move forward and wag ka ng lilingon. Trust me, you will thank yourself later on.

Carpe diem!

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The Real Girl X

Photo from wizzersworld.com

Someone who's really dear to me wrote something this morning and as I was reading it, I didn't expect happy tears to stream down my face. To think na hindi naman ako ganun kaiyakin. Nabasa daw niya yung blog ko about who Abciddy really is kaya niya naisip isulat 'to. To you, maraming maraming salamat. Natunaw ang puso ko dito. Seryoso :')

Sino nga ba si Abciddy sa mata ng isang taong totoong nakakakilala sakanya? :)

--

Tanda nyo nung panahon ng Friendster? There's this thing called testimonial? It was used to supplement your profile or about me. Back then, people were writing this on your profile to let your other friends know what kind of a person you are. Nawalan na lang ng saysay nung naglaon.

Anyway, i am not writing to discuss about Friendster. Baka nga kinder pa karamihan sa magbabasa nito nung nauso yun. My point is, I want to write something like that for Abciddy. But since i dont have a blog to post it, binigay ko na lang sa kanya.

Sino nga ba si Abciddy? Or Anong klaseng tao si Abciddy???

I can't answer the first one kasi kahit alam ko ang buong pangalan nya, sa sitwasyon ng buhay karera nya, mas bagay na syang tawaging Abciddy at hindi kung ano pa man. Ni totoong pangalan nya hindi na bagay sa kanya. Definitely I can spill the latter and this is my way of telling you na maswerte ako na kilala ko sya.

I know she already wrote something about herself but I think that was not enough for her readers including myself.

These are some of the many things I know about her that i'd be gladly sharing with you.

1. Girl X
Sya ang original na Girl X.

A friend used to dedicate blog posts from QWERTY (her past penname). Manghang mangha ako kung paano sya magsulat at mag-isip. Parang kahit complicated na, pag sya na nagpaliwanag, ang dali lang pala. Sabi ko, kailangan ko makilala 'tong taong 'to. But where could I find her? Kahit itype ko sa google yung QWERTY, kahit isa walang hit.

Pero ewan ko ba naman kung paano kami pinaglaruan ng tadhana, nakilala ko sya. I told her about QWERTY and my want to meet her. Ka swerte ko namang nilalang, nasa harapan ko na pala.

2. Tambay ng coffee shop
Since I got to know Abciddy, bukangbibig nya na yung pangarap nyang coffeeshop. May pangalan na nga e, may design na din. Alam na din nya kung san nya itatayo.

If you want to stalk Abciddy, here's a clue where you could find her most of the time. It's a coffee shop in Quezon City that was once seen in a movie. She could stay there from morning to have breakfast until late night after party.

3. Mahilig sa ice cream
Sya ang original na mahilig sa ice cream. Like Zander, yun din ang comfort food nya.

4. Lantern
Remember the 11/11/11 event in Mercato? Dapat pupunta kami dun e. Kilig na kilig sya sa excitement kasi naiimagine nya na yung kagaya sa movie na Tangled. Because of safety reasons, hindi natuloy yung mismong event so we ended up lighting our own. Mas maliwanag pa ngiti nya sa mga lanterns. Naiimagine nyo ba? :)

5. Simple
Unlike Zander, wala syang pakialam sa suot nya. Deadma sa brand, deadma na sa fashion. Pero hindi ibig sabihin nun dugyot sya manamit. She's more like Jill. Simple lang tsaka yung comfortable. Shirt, jeans and sneakers konting spray ng perfume, gora na!

6. Mahaba magtext
Siguro kasi writer sya kaya most of the time tanungin mo sya, ang sagot nya sayo mala 3 links. Example, Q: "Kumain ka na?" A: "Yup. Kasabay ko sila mommy. Nagluto kasi sya ng paborito kong kare-kare. Medyo late nga lang kasi ang tagal palambutin ng karne tsaka hinintay pa si daddy para sabay sabay na kami. Ending hindi naman pala sya dito magdidinner."

Ganong level!

And unlike Zander, hindi sya jeje magtext. Buong buo. Complete with punctuation marks and correct capitalization.

7. Friendly
Huli na siguro 'to. Kasi kabaliktaran ako nung number 6 e. :)

Wala syang masamang tinapay sa tao. She doesn't judge. Kahit sabihin mong masama ugali ni ganito ni ganyan, hahanapan pa din nya ng maganda sa kanila.

This is the reason kung bakit lahat ng kaibigan ko kaibigan na din nya.

I hope one day, you guys get to know her personally too. She's more than a writer. She's a lecturer. Unconsciously, she moves people's lives and plays with their emotions through writing. Tama nga sya nung sinabi nya na her works are more important than who the real Abciddy is. May you be inspired to live and love everytime you read her words. You are a huge part of her motivation to write more and better.

Until here,

-The Original Jill

(JK. Just kidding o initials ng name nya?) :p

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All About Long Distance Relationships

Photo from indipepper.com

Sigurado ako title palang nito madami na magrereact. Some people may agree with me while others posibleng magtaas ng kilay so uunahan ko na kayo. This is only based on my experience and my own perspective which means this is subjective. 

I have been in 2 long distance relationships. None of the two worked out obviously but despite the failure, I still believe in long distance relationships... I believe in relationships, period. 

The demise of my relationships with my long distance exes had little to do with distance but more of the level of commitment. Ang long distance relationship, kahit nasa magkabilang dulo pa kayo ng mundo, nagwowork pag meron kayong common goal which is to be together in one place one day. Like what one friend of mine said, companion in life ang kailangan mo, hindi chatmate. So if you don't see yourselves being together physically in the NEAR future, trust me, it's a ticking time bomb. And for two people to withstand the distance as they achieve their shared goal, dapat pareho kayo ng level of commitment otherwise, naglalaro lang kayo. 

I can go on and on about the pros and cons pero wala akong plano magpaseminar on how to make LDRs work. I just want to share with you my insight about this bilang pinagdaanan ko na.

For people who are currently miles apart from their partners...

One word: Communication.

Namnamin mo bawat letra, iinternalize mo yung totoong kahulugan kasi yan at yan lang ang magsasalba sa relasyon niyo. Communication as in constantly talking to each other.Communication as in LISTENING to your partner.Communication as in being honest and open. Communication as in UNDERSTANDING one another even in moments that the easiest thing to do is to give in to your pride. Yes, there is a big chance that you would grow apart but if you fight just as hard as your gf / bf does, then whatever happens, in the end, wala kang pagsisisihan. If you're worried that he / she might cheat on you, that's his / her problem, not yours. Masasaktan ka lang but the burden of ruining a relationship that could have been THE relationship, that's on him / her, not on you. Do your part and let them do theirs. But don't ever forget that you also have a life here. Hindi mo kailangan maging miserable dito para masabing mahal mo siya. Na kailangan iparamdam mo na magiging masaya ka lang kung magkasama kayo physically. A matured relationship does not work that way. If the two of you are grown ups, maiintindihan niyo na may kanya kanya din kayong buhay sa mga kanya kanya niyong lugar but that doesn't mean na hindi na kayo iisa ng mundo ng gf / bf mo. That's actually where the challenge lies, kung papaano niyo ipaparamdam sa isa't isa that you're still a huge part of each other's lives kahit may kanya kanya kayong inaabala ng magkahiwalay. While you're not yet together work on making yourself and your life at its best at sana ganun din siya para pag nagsama na kayo, di niyo na gugustuhin pang maghiwalay.

Just a tip. Wag na wag mo sasabihin yung mga salitang "sanay na ako" kasi once na masanay ka sa isang bagay, unconsciously hindi ka na mageeffort na baguhin yung sitwasyon. So kung masanay ka na long distance kayo, magsisimula ka ng makuntento sa ganyan. Sa tao ka dapat nakikipagrelasyon, hindi sa computer, hindi sa cellphone. So if you really want to work that out, don't get used to the distance para mas gawan niyo ng paraan na magsama ng totoo.

About cheating, kokonti lang ang may kaya ng LDR kasi yung karamihan may need talaga for physical intimacy pero para sakin depende sa tao yan. Pag mahal mo ang isang tao, effortless maging faithful kasi automatic response yan pag may temptation. Mas madali man magloko pag di kayo magkasama but when you know that you're in love with the right person, no matter how far you are from each other mas mangingibabaw na siya ang kailangan mo kesa sa kailangan mo ng may malalanding malapit sayo.

Carpe diem!

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Move On Move On Din Pag May Time

Photo from thecollegecrush.com

“Paano mo ba malalaman na nakamove on ka na?”

Seriously, ang hirap sagutin. Years ago when I didn’t know how to handle a badly bruised sense of self and a then-I-thought-irreparable heart, naghahanap ako ng checklist online, just in case lang naman may makita ako’t masabi ko din sa sarili ko na “Ok na ok na ko.”

Pwede ko sabihin sayo na nakamove on ka na pag hindi ka na umiiyak minu-minuto tuwing naaalala mo siya. O di kaya hindi na nasisira ang araw mo marinig mo lang yung theme song niyong dalawa. Pero sa totoo lang walang ibang makaka-identify niyan kundi ikaw lang. Kahit magsurvey ka pa sa lahat ng taong nasaktan na’t iniwan, iba iba tayo ng trip sa buhay so walang general rule or indication na magaapply sa lahat ng tao.

This is just my point of view. If asked again kung papaano ko nalalaman na nakamove on na ko…

Pag hindi na ko nasasaktan…

I take it one day at a time. I cry, then cry some more hanggang sa ako na mismo ang manawa. Sometimes you just have to survive one hurting day after another until you wake up and realize that your heart is no longer breaking. The moment you quit asking questions and embrace your brokenness, that’s when true healing begins.

When I realize that I’m no longer talking about it…

Not because I’m teaching myself to forget the past but simply because it no longer matters. Totoo namang masarap pag-usapan at nakakatulong magbitter-bitteran but at some point you just get tired of it and soon enough you’ll realize that it is already irrelevant.

When you lose all desire of taking control of everything…

Na hindi mo kayang kontrolin pag nakahanap na siya ng iba. That you have accepted the fact that it all happened for a reason. That though it doesn’t make any sense at the moment you just trust that the universe immersed you to all that shit so you could save yourself and grow. That yes, maybe what they say is true, you deserve someone better or perhaps… simpleng hindi lang talaga kayo para sa isa’t isa. Na kahit irewind mo pa sa isip mo, you can’t do anything to change the outcome. You know that saying about death na “pag oras mo, oras mo na”? The same thing applies in relationships. Wala kang mababago kahit anong gawin mo kasi kung talagang hanggang dun lang kayo, yun na yun.

Pag napatawad ko na yung nakasakit sakin…

As in with no BS, kaya ko na humarap sakanya ng hindi ko siya minumura sa isip ko. That though I admit I seek justice dahil sinaktan ako, the sincerity of wishing them happiness matters more.

Pag napatawad ko na sarili ko…

For the things I should and shouldn’t have done. For loving myself less. For hurting myself in the process.

When I start being excited about life again...

This tops it all, at least for me. I can say that I have moved on the moment I find myself smiling because I started hoping that what lies ahead is so much bigger than the pain I went through. That love will happen to me again, maybe not anytime soon but in God’s perfect time. That I may have lost one person but there are more people who chose to stay with me and the best part is that their love is more than enough to heal me.

Walang manual sa pagmomove on. Wala ding ultimatum na pag umabot na ng taon at hindi ka pa din buo eh ibig sabihin loser ka na. Pwedeng mabilis, pwedeng matagal, walang rules na dapat sundin. But what I have observed na common denominator ng mga taong nakakamove on… they make a conscious decision to take a step forward and kahit magrelapse, they get back up and refuse to get stuck.

Carpe diem!

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When Singlehood Became An Unexpected Bliss

Photo from www.favim.com

Just thoughts I had this morning after speaking with a friend. Kinumusta buhay ko, work, lovelife, the usual. During our talk, I realized na oo nga no. I haven't dated for a long time. Not because I'm not interested or anything close to that. If it wasn't for that conversation, hindi ko pa maiisip. Somehow it felt like it didn't matter. I would admit at first it did. For a person like me who had been in long term relationships, spending time on my own was something new and this is surprisingly the longest that I've been single.

Not that I'm glorifying it or justifying not being in a relationship, and don't get me wrong, I don't hate the thought of having a partner, at sa mga nagtanong in the past kung takot na ba ko magmahal ulit the answer is "NO". In fact, gustong gusto ko pa magmahal ulit. Sino ba'ng may ayaw? I think people are born with it, yung need to be loved and eventually find someone they can share their life with. But I guess that's the thing about me, and maybe with other people too na kagaya ko. As much as I want to find love again, this is a newfound bliss. This has nothing to do with my past and with getting my heart broken or the thought that I fear being torn into pieces again because I already made peace with that a long time ago. I carry no regrets, guilt, not even hate towards my exes. When you have peace in your heart you just forgive everyone including yourself and it happens naturally, with little to no effort. It just happens.

To be honest, I’m in love right now. I’m in love with the life I was able to build for myself. Sure I have my moments that I wish there’s someone I can share this with but during these moments, I find myself praying and in His subtle ways, God speaks to my heart and I listen as He tells me that the best is yet to come. That He will blow me out of my mind one day as He gives me the sweetest surprise. That He will let me and my future love find each other in the most unconventional way but will leave both of us breathless as we realize that it was Him who designed the whole thing. This could happen, or maybe not, but for some reason, I trust Him.

I know myself now. I know what I want and on my way to pursuing all of it, the feeling is incredible. You know that feeling when you first realize that you are falling in love? Yung high? Yung para kang lutang na hindi mo maintindihan? That’s how I feel right now. Only that it is not for a person but for the life I have right now, the people I was able to keep, those who happily stayed with me, the unbelievable appreciation I have in pursuing my dreams, the sense of fulfillment when people come up to me or send me a message about how I inspire them and lifts them up somehow. What more can I ask? As my friend said: Siksik na kasi yung puso mo sa pagmamahal sa lahat ng nakapaligid sayo at sa lahat ng meron sa buhay mo, di mo na maisingit maghanap pa ng lovelife.

To you my future love, one day when you find me, I want myself to be this way. I have an amazingly full heart right now. A heart that can give you more than you can ever expect and more than I thought I could ever give. One day mababasa mo ‘to and when that day comes… I’ll smile, give you a gentle peck on the cheek and whisper… “3^rd paragraph… that’s you.”

I may have not searched for you but I know in my heart na ibibigay ka Niya and when that day comes, baka makalimutan ko na naghintay ako because this time, with God's cue, I'm sure it's for keeps. :)

Carpe diem!

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#100HappyDays Behind-the-Story

I have already announced a few weeks ago that I will be writing a Project Ex spin-off. Truth be told, hindi dapat yung #100HappyDays yun because Project Why palang ang sinusulat ko, may draft na yung #100HappyDays. As if it was destined to happen, nakakatuwa na swak naman yung kwento kay Caloy at dahil gusto kong masurpresa ang mga magbabasa, I added a few twist.

The teasers that I have posted on Instagram, malayong malayo pa yun sa totoong kwento ng #100HappyDays. I have thought about the plot nung one time na nagbabrowse ako sa Instagram. Madalas ko makita yang 100 happy days challenge and it got me a bit curious. Ano nga bang meron dun?  After Project Why, yun na supposedly ang susunod kong ipupublish sa Wattpad instead of Project Z but I’m glad that I changed my mind because as time passed by, mas naging meaningful yung pagsusulat ko ng kwento ni Caloy.

This story is dedicated to my brother and the girl he’s looking for. So kay “boba_panget_pulubi”, my brother is in search of you so kung sa anong paraan man na makarating ‘to sayo, please contact me. You guys may have chatted so many years ago pa but yeah, he’s actively looking for you now. :)

Anong dapat abangan…

This is not just a typical love story of a boy who meets a girl and falls in love with her. Mahirap pantayan ang ZanJill love story but I believe in the plot of #100HappyDays so umaasa ako na mamahalin din sina Caloy at Bobbie ng mga readers. Just like in Project Ex, this will be a rollercoaster of emotions again and I will try my best to offer something different and something new. I’m not sure if this will be as memorable as Project Ex series but I’m keeping my fingers crossed, sana magustuhan niyo rin. :)

Pwede nga bang magsimula at matapos ang isang epic love story sa loob ng 100 days? Chatmate na soulmate? Kengkoy na happy-go-lucky meets come-what-may na di naniniwala sa destiny.

“Mukha lang akong di seryoso, pero pag dating sayo lahat ng lumalabas sa bibig ko totoo.” – Caloy

“Pag nalaman mo lahat ng tungkol sakin mahalin mo pa kaya ako?” – Bobbie

Abangan ang twist sa dulo :)

#100HappyDays coming this November.

Carpe diem!

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Who Most Readers Imagine As ZanJill, Teasers On Project Z Ending, and What's Next For Abciddy

Credits to the photo owner

I believe that most of the readers of Project Ex Series are JaDine fans. Hindi ko na matrace how it happened but according to some comments, a few JaDine fans came across my story and had it promoted dahil naiimagine daw nila ang JaDine sa kwento nina Zander at Jill. Unang una, maraming salamat sa inyong lahat. Hindi man ako nag-iipon o nagpaparami ng reads sa Wattpad nagulat ako na lumobo ng ganun yung viewcount at nung umpisa nagtataka ako hanggang eventually narealize ko na iba ata talaga ang impluwensiya ng mga fans nina James Reid at Nadine Lustre. To be honest, I wrote Project Ex with no one in mind in particular. Kung ano yung description nina Zander at Jill, ganun ko lang talaga sila naimagine sa isip ko. I have been seeing a lot of JaDine on television lately and yes, I would admit, I said to myself at one point na “Oo nga noh, bagay nga sakanila”.

Project Z have two more chapters left. Hindi ko pa maannounce when I will be uploading it kasi ayoko madaliin yung pagkakasulat. I’m very meticulous on the details lalong lalo pa na ito na yung huling part ng story. The sequence of events and the ending is already drafted but I’m really careful with the narration para mas maexperience pa ng mga readers yung kwento. Naging si Paolo nga ba at Jill nung panahong wala si Zander? Si Ira na nga kaya ang bagong gf ni Zander? Kung oo, papano nangyari yun? Saan nagpunta si Zander? Bakit siya umalis ng walang paalam? Mahal pa ba niya si Jill? Magkakabalikan pa ba sila or will they move on with their lives separately? I know you guys have a lot of questions and promise, lahat yan masasagot na sa natitirang chapters ng Project Z.

What’s next… I’m not really sure if Project Ex Series will be published. Hindi ko pa po yan masasagot pero hindi ko din ikakaila na gusto ko siyang mangyari dahil lahat naman ata ng manunulat pinangarap na maipublish yung gawa nila. Pero mangyari man yun o hindi, I’m happy na nakapagpakilig at nakapagpasaya ako kahit papano through my writing. If Godwilling maisapelikula man ito, dahil kayo ang unang mga naniwala sa potensyal ng kwento ko, kung mangyayari man yun una sa listahan ko ang request ninyong lahat – JaDine. Pero sa ngayon ipagdadasal muna natin yan. Kung hindi man mangyari, at least sa kaisipan niyo sila ang gumanap. Sabi nga ng karamihan sa inyo… JaDine Feels :)

Maraming salamat sa lahat ng mga nagbasa at magbabasa palang ng Project Ex Series. Thank you din po sa lahat ng magagandang comments at sa mga nagpupush talaga na maging movie ito o TV series. Nababasa ko lahat ng comments at tags niyo. One time nakarating pa ko sa account ng Viva dahil sa mga nagmemention sakin sa comment page nila. As what I have said in the past, you guys inspire me to write better stories. Sana kahit matapos na ang Project Z wag niyo makalimutan sina Zander, Jill, Paolo, Mitch, Rocky at Caloy, isama niyo pa si Yaya Fanny at mga magulang ng BruNgas couple. My 4^th book is already on the works. Sana suportahan niyo rin ang mga susunod ko pang magagawa.

God bless you guys! :)

Carpe diem!

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