Time check: 1AM
Sa pagkaoverwhelm ko, hindi ko magawang matulog so I thought of writing about it not just to release this certain energy but also to share His Word.
Let me tell you about this weird dream I had last night. Bumili daw ako ng sinigang na hipon and when I got home, tinapon ko daw sa drain pero napahinto ako nung napansin ko na dalawang hipon nalang yung natitira (oo, nabilang ko siya). Takang taka ako kung bakit ko siya tinapon. Binili ko nga eh, so bakit ko itatapon? Sunday afternoon, I told my brother about this dream and I was amazed by his interpretation. Sabi niya “baka ibig sabihin nun may opportunity na dumating o dadating pa lang na palalampasin mo tapos manghihinayang ka kung kailan wala na”. Sa current situation ko, it really made sense.
Hours after that conversation, we attended the service in Katipunan, second Sunday na sinubukan ko sa Victory. Again, Pastor Erwin blew me away. Through his preaching, I felt that God spoke to me at nasagot lahat ng agam-agam ko. He talked about declaring your dreams, your prayers, your deepest desires. So what’s with the “DUHAT” in my title and the photo posted along with this entry?
Pastor Erwin compared opportunities in life to grapes and duhat. The great and the so-so. The best and the “pwede na”. He said God is giving you all the best that He could offer but it will always be your choice if you will settle for a “duhat” career, a “duhat” love life, or a “duhat” spiritual life all because you are scared – scared to lose, scared to fail, scared to kung ano ano pa. Some people don’t even try to seek for the best. They keep on making excuses and justify it by telling themselves “pwede na ‘to, okay na ‘to”.
Narealize ko today… hindi ito ang gusto Niya para sa atin. That we need to have bigger dreams and achieve it with bigger faith. Be brave enough to claim for the things that you think you deserve. It has nothing to do with ego o pagyayabang. It’s more about having audacious faith that whatever happens, God will back you up. If He knows that you have pure intentions and that you will use it to glorify Him, ngayon pa lang, CLAIM IT. Claim it because it’s yours. Be bold enough to think about your dreams and say “Because God is with me, THIS IS MINE”. Pangarapin mo yung imposible at samahan mo ng pananampalataya, that kind of faith that can move mountains. That kind of faith na kahit mapahiya ka dahil may posibilidad na hindi mangyari, idedeclare mo pa rin at ikeclaim na iyo kasi alam mong hindi ka Niya pababayaan.
About the photo…
Kinunan ko siya nung January 1 when I watched a movie and I had it edited as soon as I got home. Tinititigan ko siya every morning and I whisper a short prayer… “Lord, one day diba?” Hindi lahat ng tao alam ‘to at ayaw ko siya ipaalam sa totoo lang kasi nahihiya ako.
Maiksing backstory muna…
When I was young, every after class and during weekends nanonood ako ng VHS tapes. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang pelikula na ang napanood ko at kahit yung mga classic na mga pelikula pinapatulan ko. Nagsimula sa pagiging pastime but my fascination grew into something deep and yun na siguro yun – PASSION. Nasa Grade 2 pa lang ako pinangarap ko na makagawa ng pelikula. I don’t know if my mom remembers pero may one time noon na nagmaktol ako ng sobra. I was in Grade 6 then. Kinukulit ko siya kasi gusto ko talaga ng director’s chair. Saan naman siya hahanap nun para iregalo sa anak niyang what… 12 years old? :p Una kong pinangarap makapagsulat ng pelikula bago ko pa nadiskubre na gusto kong makapagsulat ng libro.
Yan. Yan yung secret dream ko. Hindi ko madeclare, hindi ko maclaim kasi ang nasa isip ko lagi “pag hindi nagkatotoo mapapahiya lang ako. Hindi lang sa ibang tao, pinaka-higit sa sarili ko.” And if that happens, hindi ko alam kung mate-take ko. You know that feeling na ang tagal mong minahal at prinotektahan sa isip mo tapos sa realidad pala hindi magiging iyo? Ganun yung naramdaman ko noon. That I’d rather have it just as a dream. Hindi naging akin pero pwede ko pangarapin. Pero yung susubukan kong tuparin tapos sesemplang ako, how do I come back from that? Heartbreaking eh. Mas malala pa sa iniwan ka ng jowa mo.
Going back to Pastor Erwin’s preaching, naiyak ako, promise. I was trying hard to hold it back kasi nahihiya akong maging emotional sa public place pero hindi ko napigil (may two or three tears ata na pumatak). I felt Him patting me on the shoulder and telling me “Akala ko ba tag team tayo? Trust Me… ako bahala sayo.”
This dream, this photo, sobrang personal ‘to para sakin. Mabibilang ko sa mga daliri ko sa isang kamay kung ilan lang ang nakakita nito but I am posting it here now to make a meaningful declaration…
This 2016… I will make my first movie.
On December 31, 2016, I will look back on this post at dalawa lang ang pwedeng mangyari…
1. Ngingiti ako dahil natupad siya and I am living the dream.
2. Ngingiti ako dahil hindi man siya natupad, I am still a winner because God is with me. And who knows... maybe someone will be inspired by this post at siya matupad niya yung pangarap niya. Achievement na rin, diba? :)
But for the time being, I will continue to fight for this dream and do everything I can to make it happen, no excuses. So tonight, I will have a good rest because tomorrow is my Day 1 of battle.
Ikaw? Anong declaration mo ngayong taon? :)
To everyone who will read this, I pray that you trust in the Lord, too. Lahat ng mga pangarap mo sabihin mo sa Kanya at wag kang matakot na tuparin lahat kasama Siya kasi ano pa man ang mangyari, when you are with Him, WALA KANG TALO.
May God bless your heart :)
Carpe diem!
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