An Open Letter to My First Love and Eternal Bestfriend

Hindi ko alam kung papaano ako magsisimulang magpaalam sayo kasi sa totoo lang, ayoko. Alam mong hindi ako sobrang iyaking tao pero hindi ko akalain na of all people, ikaw pa makakapagpaiyak sakin ng ganito. Ayoko ng ikwento kung papano tayo unang nagkakilala o kung papano tayo nung huli tayong nagkita kasi ang sakit sakit na ng ulo ko kakaiyak. Sa haba at lalim ng pinagsamahan natin baka makatapos ako ng isang libro kaka-enumerate ng memories ko kasama ka.

Lahat ng kaibigan ko kilala ka kasi kahit sa getting to know stage pa lang sa lahat ng nakakasalamuha ko, nababanggit na kita. Ganun ka kahalaga sakin, bes. Parang kalahati ko yung nawala. Paulit ulit kong tinatanong sa sarili ko kahapon, papano na si Jane kung walang Alvi? You left such a big hole in my heart. Kahit pagsama-samahin lahat ng heartaches ko sa buhay mula ng pinanganak ako, by far, losing you is the most painful. Though we had our mini-fights and silent treatments, kahit paulit ulit pa bes, basta pag tatawag ako sayo para makipagbati, alam kong nandyan ka, may magrereply. Ngayon wala ng sasagot sakin. Wala na kong aabangan na magtetext ng “Bes?”

I may know a lot of people and I’ll probably meet more, but no one can ever replace you because what we had was different. It was unique, it was pure. You are the only person who know me too well dahil ikaw lang ang nag-iisang taong dumaan sa buhay ko na naencompass lahat ng klase ng relasyon sa akin. You were once a stranger who became my classmate, my friend, my first love and first boyfriend, my dancemate, my bestfriend, my brother, and my dream partner. Naalala mo nung high school tayo may sinulatan tayong 20-peso bill, binayad natin sa canteen at sabi mo “pag ito bumalik sa isa satin, ibig sabihin tayo talaga”. True enough, nung college na tayo bumalik yung 20-peso bill nung sinukli sayo sa MRT. From then on, we just knew that we have a different kind of connection, we were soulmates. Sabi mo nga “not meant for each other but meant to be together… as friends”.

Maraming salamat sa halos dalawampung taon ng pagkakaibigan, bes. Thank you for being the amazing person that you are and for spending enough time with me in your lifetime. I don’t know if I will ever get over this grief dahil sigurado ako na tuwing maaalala kita, malulungkot ako kasi mamimiss kita. Yung tawa mo, yung mga corny mong jokes, yung pangungulit mo pag nahahyper ka, yung pananahimik mo pag nag-iisip ka, yung gigil mo sa pagkanta kahit nasisintunado ka, yung mga reklamo mo pag ang init init, yung hilig mo sa pagkain, yung pagyayaya mo manood ng movie kasama si Mike pag wala tayo pareparehong magawa, lahat bes. I learned so much from you when you were still with us at ngayong umalis ka, may natututunan pa rin ako. Thank you for teaching me to stay true to myself and for making me realize how short our life is. Na lahat ng pinagkekwentuhan natin noon na gusto nating gawin, simulan ko na kasi hindi natin alam kung ano mangyayari bukas.

I never imagined myself in my old age not having you around, bes. Sabi ko pa nga dati diba, sana tabi tabi tayo ng bahay nila Mike pag matatanda na tayo. Maghihiraman ng toyo. Maghihingian ng suka. I never really cared if in time mabibilang ko nalang sa daliri ko kung ilan ang mga kaibigan ko just as long as you’re one of them. Pero pangako ko sayo, in all my highs and lows, magiging bahagi ka pa rin nun. Yung kwentong sinulat mo na sabi mo hindi mo matapos tapos, hahanapin ko bes and I will make a masterpiece out of it. I promise you, I will pursue all my dreams, lahat ng sabi mo sakin na naniniwala kang mapagtatagumpayan ko, I will do all of it in honor of you.

I may have not been there but I take consolation on the fact that you were with your family and the love of your life during your last moments. Everyone who you left behind especially those who are closest to your heart, we will stay strong bes because I know that this is what you want, for us to heal together. I will talk to you everyday, Alvi, and I will write you as many letters as I can for the rest of my life. One day, when we meet again, payakap ha? Hindi ko kasi nagawa yun nung huli tayong nagkita. We supported each other sa lahat ng bagay, at ngayon, for the last time, kahit ayaw kong iwan mo kami, alam kong diyan ka makakahanap ng kapayapaan. Pakibulong na lang sa Kanya na maraming maraming salamat dahil pinahiram ka Niya sa amin. Pahinga ka na, bes.

PS: Theme song natin nung elementary (na tawang tawa tayo pag pinaguusapan natin)… Ikaw pa rin ang maaalala ko tuwing maririnig ko yung “It Might Be You”.

Mahal na mahal kita, bes. Goodbye, my dear friend.