Heart Talk Dahil Heart’s Day

I’m a day late, I know, but let me greet all of you a happy happy love month (hindi na lang Happy Valentine’s Day kasi tapos na). Don’t ask me how I spent it because nothing extraordinary happened. I worked all day and that was it. So many things on my plate right now. Happily accomplishing my daily to-do list. Nakakapagod pero fulfilling. I may have a lot to share in the coming months when my projects materialize. Anyway, I took a few hours today to post something on my blog. It’s been a while and I promised myself to write more this year, so here’s me trying to keep that promise.

Kumusta naman ba mga puso niyo? :p

I’ll answer a question that a friend asked me last night and will try my very best to keep it short. Alam niyo naman sobrang daldal ko.

“Do you miss it?”

I miss being in a relationship sometimes. It’s hard to deny that dahil as much as nagdududa na ‘ko na nagtatransform na yata ako sa pagiging halaman, missing it will never be a good reason to jump back into dating. Not that I didn’t try in the past years but talking to people who could potentially be you-know-what, I realized I no longer have the patience to do that text tennis whole day and get out of my way to spend time to date. Swerte ng makareply ako ng dalawa o tatlong beses sa isang conversation na sinimulan sa tanong na “Gawa mo?”. I wonder too because I used to enjoy that phase before.

A friend told me “Hindi ka lang talaga interesado kasi kung gusto mo yung tao, kahit gaano ka ka-busy, ikaw pa mismo magsisimula ng conversation.” She could be right. Or maybe it’s really not my priority right now. Even in my prayers, the past years hindi ko na naisasama yung lovelife ko. I don’t want to think that I gave up on it. Maybe it’s just not the right time, I don’t really know.

I never thought that it would be possible to feel this way. Yung feeling na di ka makaramdam ng kahit na anong kulang. I always say malalaman mo kung ano ang importante sayo by observing the people and the things that you pray for. In my case, it has always been about my family, my friends who ask me to pray for them, my dreams, and my incessant desire to get to know God and to follow what He wants. I wake up everyday feeling excited because it’s Him who will greet me “Good morning”. There’s a different kind of comfort at night because I know He’s the One tucking me in. His love for me overflows that I can’t possibly feel any void in my heart.

Lonely days come and go but it’s not much of a struggle. Days when I miss having someone to hold my hand or to share my thoughts with, those are just fleeting moments because all the things that I miss in a relationship, He already took care of. Had it been my way, I would want to share my life with someone too but since the day that I surrendered my life to Him, I’m no longer in control and I wouldn’t have it any other way. So if He says “no” for now, I’m good with it. ;)

Sa mga in a relationship, you are blessed. Take good care of what you have and make everyday a Valentine’s Day.

Sa mga single, kapit lang mga bes. Ilang araw na lang tapos na ang Feb. HAHAHA! Kidding aside, pray for a God-given relationship. There’s no need to be bitter or envious of those who have found theirs because trust me, God’s timing is always perfect. Allow Him to amaze you. Love is all around and it comes in different forms. Bask in its presence mapa-pamilya man yan, kaibigan o trabaho. Kung apaw level na, ipunin mo yung sosobrang pagmamahal sa puso mo kasi hindi rin magtatagal, darating din si special someone at si Lord pa magdedeliver sa’yo. ;)

Carpe diem!

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Abciddy's List: Top 5 Korean Dramas

Image from MyDramaList

Yes, my dear readers, it’s epidemic. Haha! I’m infected, aminado. Years back, I wasn’t fond of watching Asian films and series. Hilong hilo kasi ako sa subtitle. It’s more like reading to me than watching. Ang hirap mag-concentrate sa ibang movie elements kasi na-consume na yung attention mo ng pagbabasa. The only Asian drama that I completed was Coffee Prince. Though I loved that series a lot, hindi na yun nasundan for a long time. 2014 came and I got interested again after watching “49 Days” out of curiosity. Since then, watching Asian films and TV shows especially those that are created by Koreans, Thai and Indians became a weekly thing. I watch at least 3 to 4 in a month. Either I binge on a few episodes before I go to sleep or during busy days, mina-marathon ko pag weekend.

As a writer, it helped my creative process a lot. The thing I love most about Kdramas is that may variety yung mga kwento. Korean writers rarely follow a formula and making movies and TV shows for them seem like a huge creative playground which, to be honest, pinagdadasal ko na ma-apply din ng mga Pinoy minsan. They seldom stretch their stories kaya hindi nagiging dragging and boy, the budget! They really spend to make their shows worth watching regardless kung nagre-rate or hindi.

Having said that, sa dami ng mga napanood ko never ako nag-attempt na gumawa ng listahan ranking them from 1 to whatever but I decided to create one now. I may miss out on your favorite series but since this one is my list, I used my “hangover level” as the basis. Kung pwede ko lang ilista lahat, I will, kasi marami talagang magaganda but if you’re looking for a Kdrama to watch, I hope this helps. Ito yung mga tumatak talaga sa’kin.

5. Reply 1988

It’s a family drama pero hindi siya malalang dramahan. This series had me laughing hard on the comedy scenes. Minsan hindi pa meant maging comedy yung eksena but the actors (especially yung parents) are so natural. Nakita ko yung mga magulang at mga tito at tita ko sa kanila. I fancy anything vintage so I guess medyo may bias ako dun because the setting of the story is in the late 80’s. Ito yung series na tinipid ko yung panonood because I didn’t want it to end. I felt like I was a part of their neighborhood and in reality, how I wish makahanap ako ng ganung community where everybody genuinely cared about everyone. The five main characters who were childhood friends were convincing as well. I watched some of their behind-the-scene footages and it seemed like a very happy set. This series will teach you so much about love, family, and friendship. And by the way, ang hirap hulaan kung sino magkakatuluyan. Kudos sa writer.

4. It’s Okay, That’s Love

Great acting by the whole cast. In my opinion, though I have watched a lot of dramas, this is where Gong Hyo Jin really showed her incredible acting prowess. Napabilib niya ko ng sobra. Jo In Sung was amazing, as always. I love how he could handle crying scenes without overdoing it pero buhos yung emosyon. It was realistic. Needless to say... how can a human being be so gorgeous?? He had undeniable chemistry with Gong Hyo Jin. In some scenes, they were believable as a couple. Their kiss scenes were... ugh! Basta panoorin niyo! Haha! Storywise, ang daming shocking twist. That’s one of the many things that I love about this Kdrama. Pinaglaruan ng writer yung isip ko. Lee Sung Kyung also appeared on this show and this is where I first noticed her kaya ako na-excite when I first heard that she’ll be the lead in Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo. Another point, the series is psych in nature so I can relate since I’m a Psych grad. It was fun being acquainted again with familiar terms.

3. W (Two Worlds)

It’s Lee Jong Suk. What’s not to like? Haha! This guy is sooo good in picking his projects. I have watched almost all his series and he slays the action genre. He’s not the macho type. He doesn’t even have that astig aura but that’s the thing. Babyface and lean physique but he can surely pull off his characters. Han Hyo Joo did well too. Ang ganda niya. Kahit sa mga eksenang dugyot na dapat siya, ang fresh pa rin niya. Pero yung hangover ko sa series na ‘to lumala because of their chemistry. I shipped them so hard even after the series. I don’t know if they were just really good actors o sadyang may something talaga sila in real life (I’ve seen the behind-the-scene videos and I can’t help but swoon over them, and sweet naman kasi talaga offcam). The series started strong. Each episode was compelling, I could only say “Ang taba ng utak ng writer nito!” I got a bit worried halfway through the show because there were one to two episodes na medyo naconfuse ako sa mga nangyayari but then, magaling yung creative team, they were able to pick it up. The premise itself na nagmix ang mundo ng graphic novel at ng real world, yun pa lang nakakabilib na but for them to create 16 episodes out of it, it was insane. The effects were really good too.

2. Signal

It’s a crime drama na may pagka-CSI and Criminal Minds. I’m a big fan of crime-related documentaries, movies and shows. Ang sarap pag-aralan how they solve crimes and how perpetrators think. Tapos pag nahuli sila nakikigigil ka dun sa mga nakahuli. Bumabatok ka rin sa TV/monitor. What’s unique about this series is the time travel element. Not sure kung time travel ba tamang term dun basta they were talking through a radio/walkie-talkie. One is in the present and the other is in year 2000. They solved cold cases and even tried to prevent some crimes from happening. I read a few articles about this series and some say na it was inspired by real criminal cases that happened in Korea. Mas lalo siya naging interesting para sa’kin. I even researched for those cases and traced whether it got solved in real life o nanatili na lang siyang cold case. Every episode, clues were dropped but what made it my no.2 is yung pagkakatahi nila ng mga detalye. There were scenes (which I won’t spoil) na napapa “sh*t! ang galing!” ako. Every episode was a puzzle piece.

1. Goblin

Hindi ko alam papano ko sisimulan! Haha! I love everything about this drama. I can’t even describe how I feel evertime maaalala ko yung mga eksena at maririnig ko yung soundtrack. Sa sobrang bilib ko sa writer, I had to research about her and her previous work at hindi na ‘ko nagtaka because her portfolio is gold. Kim Eun Sook wrote a lot of hit series including Descendants of the Sun and Secret Garden. I wasn’t interested at first though nababasa ko nga sa mga reviews na maganda but I have this habit kasi of watching only when a series is done. Like everyone else, ayaw ko ng nabibitin. But with this series, I made an exception. Gorgeooooous camerawork. Sobrang sarap sa mata ng mga shots. Mahahalikan ko talaga yung cinematographer at director. Especially the scenes in the buckwheat field and those that were shot in Quebec, nagpiyesta yung mata ko at kinurot niya ng bongga yung puso ko. The characters on the scenes need not speak their lines. The camera angles and the other elements ultimo patak ng ulan at snow, it spoke for them. And good heavens, the soundtrack. Earworm ko siya for almost a month. Pag nakahanap ako, I will pay for the original CD just so I could have a keepsake. Ganun siya ka-worth it. The cast was good. Topnotch acting from Lee Dong Wook (who’s such an eyecandy, by the way) and Yoo In Na. Gong Yoo and Kim Go Eun... haaaay. Episode 13 and 15, their scenes (I won’t spill the specifics for the sake of those na hindi pa nakakapanood) made its mark in me. Hindi ko alam paano nila inaral yung atakeng gagawin nila sa mga eksena but they were reaaaaaaally good. At first hindi ko nakita yung chemistry nila but they played their roles exceptionally well and as a viewer, they made me believe that great love never dies and in their case, it is eternal. The chemistry was so real I farted rainbows everytime I see them together. Haha! The script fascinated me too lalo na yung mga dialogue nung deity.  I learned a lot about faith, kindness, justice, love and His will. I think it would take a while before another Kdrama kicks this out of my list’s top spot and I’ll definitely watch it again some time soon.

Other Kdramas that almost made it to my top 5, hindi ko na ‘to na-rank pero worth it sila ulitin:

Master’s Sun

Coffee Prince

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo

Descendants of the Sun

Pinocchio

My Love from the Star

Kill Me, Heal Me

I will be blogging about my top Korean movies too. Will have it posted next week. I wish I could watch enough Indian and Spanish movies too. Hopefully, I could make time soon pag di na hectic sa work. Yung tipong one week off, tulog at nood lang. *wishful thinking* If you have other Kdrama or foreign film suggestions, please send me a message or comment on this post. Baka maka-discover ako ng mga bago sa inyo. Thank you in advance! :) 

Carpe diem!

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2017: Change is Coming

I didn’t have much time to wrap up my year the way I did before. Too much happened during Christmas season (family stuff mostly) and the only time that I was able to stop and reflect was last night, an hour before the clock hit 12.

Marami akong sinabi sa sarili ko before 2015 ended and I was so hopeful about so many things in 2016 but most of it didn’t happen. I don’t know why but I didn’t dwell on it anymore kasi in retrospect, mas malaki pa ang nakuha ko. 2016, I must say, was the year that I got to know God a little better and though I know that I still have a long way to go, the things that I learned this year greatly strengthened my faith in Him and in all things that are good. There were unanswered prayers but I feel as if He took the year to gear me up for something great this 2017. Excited? YES! VERY!

Today is the first day of the year at kung totoo ang sinasabi ng iba na kung ano ang ginawa mo sa unang araw ng taon, most likely yun ang gagawin mo the whole year, then I must have started it right. I’m so glad that I have spent this day doing three of the things that I really love doing – praying, watching movies and writing. I hope I could do more of this ngayong 2017.

For some time, I thought I unintentionally put out the fire (my longest writer’s block ever) but today, I found myself writing for 4 hours straight. It’s still here. Yung dating pakiramdam, yung trance-like experience when I write my thoughts, walang nagbago. The short hiatus from writing gave way for me to discover new things about myself and the things that I want. It gave me a chance to chase after my other dreams but just like before… pagsusulat ang binabalik-balikan ko. So this year, the fire right here in my heart will definitely reignite. I even think it’s going to be bigger than before.

Change is coming? Actually change is always coming. I guess some people just aren’t ready to welcome it. For me though, I’m embracing it this year. Hindi ko kakalimutan ang mga nangyari sa’kin last year. Wala akong galit sa 2016 at sa ibang taon pa na lumipas. I want to make peace with all my mistakes, shortcomings, bad decisions and stubbornness and just start this year dropping all the regrets and whatnot. This year, I want to finally call myself an adult and face everything head on. With a little room for fear, yes, but with God in my heart, I will carry on anyway. I will continue to love the people around me and try my best to show them a glimpse of “heaven” so they would crave for it and eventually seek the Big Guy up there because He's the only One who could give more.

We have 350 plus plus days ahead and this is only Day 1. Ready ka na? Tara!

Carpe diem!

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MOVIE REVIEW: Die Beautiful

Disclaimer (and I might paste this part a lot sa mga susunod kong isusulat na mga reviews para iwas bashing :p) I am not an expert film critic so everything na mababasa niyo ay pawang opinyon lang ng isang ordinaryong moviegoer. I have great respect for other people’s opinion so I hope readers/visitors of this blog will not take it negatively kung may part man that you don’t agree with. I will try my best to write unbiased reviews so if some of you don’t share the same opinion, peace tayo! Hehe! ;)

Direk Jun Robles Lana is one of the directors who I look up to. I met him once when I applied on his scriptwriting workshop last year. He wowed me then and he amazed me again now. Kung pwede lang na sa isang salita ko lang ma-describe yung pelikula niya, ito lang:

NAPAKAHUSAY.

Mula sa direksyon hanggang sa pagkaka-edit ng pelikula up to the flawless performance of Paolo Ballesteros and Christian Bables. I read so many reviews of Die Beautiful and so far, I never came across one that was negative. Because of that, lalo ako nacurious. Pagka-announce pa lang that it was one of the finalists in 2016’s Metro Manila Film Festival, naaatat na ‘ko mapanood.

I expected it to be good but not this much. Awards garnered by this film are all well-deserved. Paolo did an amazing job as Trisha Echeverria, so did Christian as he played the ever loyal bestfriend, Barbs. The way they portrayed their characters were compelling. The movie was well written. Kahit hindi ka beki, makaka-relate ka. The lines weren’t tacky  at hindi pilit. Kudos to Die Beautiful's screenwriter, Rody Vera. As a viewer, para akong tsismosa na nag-oobserve at nanonood sa dalawang beki  sa kanto. That’s how real it felt.

Some non-linear movies that I watched in the past left me confused at some point, but not this one. The film editor, Ben Tolentino, did such a brilliant job and the idea na it jumps from one timeline to another, yung pagkakatahi at pagkakabuo ng pelikula, it all made sense. As a viewer, hindi niya ko nilito. The way the movie was edited, in my opinion, was one of its strengths.

Die Beautiful is one of 2016’s must-see movie.

Colorful. Intense. Moving.

Carpe diem!

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MOVIE REVIEW: Vince & Kath & James

(The first part is for my followers. If you want to read the movie review right away, go straight to the Disclaimer. Happy new year everyone!)

I have always been a big supporter of MMFF. As a family, we had this tradition since I was in grade school that we watch at least 2-3 movies during Christmas Day at may pagpaplano pa kaming ginagawa kasi expected na namin na maraming tao. As soon as the mall opens, nandun na kami. Talagang nakikipagsiksikan kami ng mga kapatid ko at wala kaming pakialam sa haba ng pila. As a kid, I never understood why we were so excited with this annual movie festival when we can just wait for the entries to be available on VHS (back in the 90’s) or DVD (nung medyo techie na). I realized na that family tradition played a big part on why I became so engrossed with local films. Una ko talagang minahal ang pelikulang Pilipino bago ko nasimulang ma-appreciate yung mga gawang banyaga.

Anyway, why I’m telling you this is because a friend of mine gave me an idea the other day. I’m not really good in writing reviews kasi pag nanonood ako, ineexperience ko siya at ninanamnam to the point na ang hirap ng i-narrate. Basta naramdaman ko and I can’t put it into words. But since I babble a lot about the movies and TV shows that I watch when we talk, sabi niya “Bakit kaya hindi ka na lang sumulat ng reviews para di nasasayang yung mga mahahabang komento na sa’kin mo lang sinasabi?” At naisip ko bakit nga ba hindi. This isn’t just to let my thoughts out but to help other people na rin to decide what to watch. I’m not sure, of course, if we have the same taste but if you think my thoughts could be useful, go ahead and peruse. :)

So… aside from random musings (see blog description on top), I might write about reviews on movies (and maybe TV shows) that I discuss with a few friends who are huge movie junkies like me.

Disclaimer (and I might paste this part a lot sa mga susunod kong isusulat na mga reviews para iwas bashing :p) I am not an expert film critic so everything na mababasa niyo ay pawang opinyon lang ng isang ordinaryong moviegoer. I have great respect for other people’s opinion so I hope readers/visitors of this blog will not take it negatively kung may part man that you don’t agree with. I will try my best to write unbiased reviews so if some of you don’t share the same opinion, peace tayo! Hehe! ;)

So ayun na nga… first movie review this 2017 is the first MMFF entry na napanood ko.

It was only on December 30 that I had the time to visit the mall so unlike the past years na talagang December 25 ako nakakanood, it took me 5 days after pa to finally watch though I read movie reviews in my free time. The movies that I really wanted to see on this year’s MMFF are Die Beautiful and Saving Sally. I only had 3 hours max to spare last Friday and it really pissed me off that I came late for the 10:40am screening of Die Beautiful while Saving Sally’s first screening was 4pm. Paano? Haha! The only movie left for me to watch on that day was Vince & Kath & James since the rest were screening on the other side of the mall at mauubos ang oras ko. I haven’t read any review of VKJ so I have no idea what to expect basta Star Cinema siya at romcom.

I have watched tons, if not all, Star Cinema movies na romantic comedy ang genre since late 90’s so I didn’t expect anything surprising because they seem to follow a formula. There was nothing special on the story. It was typical and very predictable but what made me like it is yung treatment. When it’s supposed to look pabebe, to my amazement, it didn’t seem that way at all. Para niya kong binalik sa pagkabata at naramdaman ko yung kilig nung mga panahong nakikita ko yung first crush ko. No overdone cheesy scenes but only cheesy lines na for some reason eh imbis na magcringe ako eh naaliw ako. Props to the writers, Daisy Cayanan, Kim Noromor and Anjanette Haw.

In all fairness to Julia Barretto, she has improved a lot. I watched Para Sa Hopeless Romantic and I wasn’t really impressed by her performance there so it was really nice na nagcomplement sila ng leading man niya dito. She looks stunning on cam and she did well in the comic scenes. She and Maris Racal were believable as bestfriends and Maris, though I’m not a fan of uber kikay characters, did not come off as annoying.

Ronnie Alonte... hmm. Dead eyes. :( There were some scenes pa na nahuhuli siya na napapatingin sa camera. He's an eyecandy, yes, but they could have chosen someone else to play his role. Fit naman as a rich boy varsity player – looks, tindig and all – but in terms of acting, medyo kulang pa. Forgivable naman since he’s a newbie. I haven’t watched Seklusyon yet so I can only base lang dito sa movie na ‘to. Maybe he did better in that film, I’m not sure.

Joshua Garcia, as expected, did an amazing job as Vince. Since marami na nagsabi na kaabang-abang siya sa movie, hindi na ko nagulat. You can really see the potential in him. Yung mga seryosong scenes especially the confrontation ones with Ina Raymundo, gusto ko yung hindi over the top yung pag-iyak niya kasi ganun usually umiyak ang lalaki. Pigil. Hindi hagulgol pero ramdam mo na nasasaktan talaga. Hindi dinaan sa pagsigaw. Humikbi lang pero tatamaan ka. Given the right projects at kung maho-hone pa yung talent niya, he could be the next big thing.

When I saw some of their promotional shots, hindi ko masyado nakitaan ng chemistry si Julia and Joshua but during the movie, lalo na sa sinok at talyer scene… sparks. Marami. Yun na lang. Haha! They unexpectedly look great together onscreen.

Cinematography is nice. Sarap sa mata ng mga kulay and gustong gusto ko mga close up shots ni Joshua and Julia. Overall, na-enjoy ko yung movie. I can’t really compare it to the book/textserye on Facebook because I haven’t read it yet but the movie itself was entertaining and just the right mix of everything. Though it wasn’t as deep and intense as the other MMFF entries, parang ito yung naging “buffer”. Hindi sinayang pera ko. The kilig element wasn’t over the top. Sakto. Easy to watch. Based on the portrayal of the two lead actors, yung simplicity ng script at treatment ng story, if you want to see something light, you will appreciate this one.

By the way, may hangover ako sa soundtrack ng VKJ. Whoever thought of using “O Pag-ibig” of Bailey Mae and Ylona Garcia, good job! Ang lakas maka-LSS.

I’ll be writing a review of Die Beautiful tonight as well since napanood ko na siya kanina. Hope I could find time tomorrow to watch Saving Sally or any MMFF entry. As much as I intend to watch all of it, I’m not sure if I have the time pero sana. :)

And… may I just say… my goodness NAMISS KO MAGSULAT!!! :p

Carpe diem!

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Meron Na Siyang Iba

Photo from: Connor Taylor Photography

Just a short entry before I go to bed. I spoke to a good friend early today. Our funny conversation went like this:

F: Uy! Nakausap ko pala si *bleep*

Me: Ah really? Kumusta daw siya?

F: Engaged na.

*awkward silence*

Though things did not end the way I hoped for years back when I thought we were leading somewhere (for someone I dated in the past, there were really serious feelings involved during that time), totoo, walang halong kaechusan, gusto ko talaga maging masaya siya. Pero ngayon ko lang narealize, masakit din pala… konti. Haha!

Well, it wasn’t the sana-kami-nalang-ulit kind of masakit but more like it-could-have-been-us-but-we-both-know-we’re-better-off-this-way. It played thousands of times in my head before, yung tipong meron kang ex na ikakasal, iba pala yung iniimagine mo lang sa totoong nangyayari na. Ngayon ko lang na-gets yung pakiramdam na kahit alam mong ayaw mo naman kayong magkabalikan pero mas naging totoo yung “period”, as in never na magkakaroon ng katuloy EVER.

Anyway, at the end of the day mas nangibabaw pa din siyempre yung masaya ako para sa kanya. Finding the right one and finally being able to say that you are with the person you want to grow old with is one amazing blessing na hindi lahat nakakaranas. I may have not found mine yet pero sure ako na cloud nine ang pakiramdam nun and for someone who used to be so special to me and I used to deeply care about, there is nothing but joy na malaman na on to the next chapter na siya ng buhay niya.

One friend told me before “when you love a person, lumipas man yan, hindi man maganda maging ending niyo, nandyan pa rin yan. Matatabunan lang ng mga susunod mong mamahalin pero never mawawala.” I guess tama siya.  Whether ikakasal man yan o may bago ng jowa, may mafifeel at mafifeel ka pa rin. Kirot, hapdi, sakit, basta may mararamdaman ka. But don’t mistake that na baka mahal mo pa o na baka gusto mo pa magkabalikan kayo. Be happy kasi it only means nagmahal ka ng totoo. ;)

PS. Pag nakabasa kayo ng kwento ko na tungkol sa past love na ikakasal, ayan, may idea na kayo kung saan inspired :p

Carpe diem!

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REAL Love

I have been on hiatus for some time. Not that it matters to others but I would like to share with you something that was life changing for me.

Just a background, madalas ko ng naririnig yung prayer and fasting. Actually, I try to do it every Holy Week (and I say “try” kasi most of the time hindi successful). It was just recently that I had serious thoughts about it because I felt something inside was calling me to do it. For days, I researched on the proper way of doing prayer and fasting. I talked to my mom about it and sought advice from my friends especially those na nasubukan na. I didn’t know how to prepare myself for it kasi “7 days” is “7 days”. Yung malihis ako sa nakasanayan ko and give up certain things (sa mga hindi nakakaalam I have this need to stick to my daily routine otherwise I become really anxious), it was unimaginable for me. But then I realized, this will test kung ano nga ba ang kaya kong isakripisyo para sa Kanya so sabi ko “sige na, bahala na”.

Sa totoo lang, wala akong major issue sa buhay. I’m not depressed. Wala akong pinagdadaanan. Everything is okay. I am working on a lot of things lalo na sa career and everyday nagigising ako na sobrang hopeful at excited sa mga projects na nakasalang sakin para sa mga susunod na buwan. At some point though narealize ko na lagi natin iniisip kung masaya ba tayo. The things we do, we do it to pursue happiness. I began to ask “Ikaw ba Lord? Happy ka ba?” I decided to zone out for 7 days so I could hear Him better. I have been looking for my so called “spiritual home” for a long time and I feel that I have already found it but I know in my heart that there are things in my life that need serious “pruning” because as much as I have accepted Him as my Lord and Savior, there are still things na hindi ko maisuko ng 100%. Mga bagay na akala ko sinuko ko na pero hindi pa pala buong buo yung pag-surrender ko.

A friend once told me “Hindi ka Niya masasagip kung dumidiskarte ka pa rin ng pang-sarili mo.” Hindi ko maisuko kasi feeling ko hindi ko kaya. Ganun tayo eh – tao, madalas mahina. Sa mga araw na lumipas dun ko narealize that when you say “With God, nothing is impossible.” you have to REALLY believe it. Majority sa buhay ko sinuko ko na sa Kanya pero yun mismo yung problema. “Majority” LANG. Hindi lahat. Hindi buo. Hindi kumpleto.

Since I started my 7-day journey, things were easy. Nagulat din ako. The things na akala ko ang hirap i-give up at feeling ko essential sa araw araw kong pamumuhay, He answered my prayer kasi hindi ko hinanap hanap. Wala talagang urge. Dun ko naisip yung mga mas seryosong bagay na hindi ko mabitawan. I looked at myself closely and how I live my life and God showed me so many things that I was so afraid to deal with before kaya naipon lang. He made me realize “Anak, sinampolan na kita sa maliliit na bagay. Kinaya kong alisin. Sana pagkatiwalaan mo rin Ako sa mga malalaking bagay sa buhay mo na kailangan mo ng tanggalin.”

I realized that I became dependent on some things na kung hindi ko pa aayusin ngayon, natatakot ako na baka makalimutan ko that He is my God – not the dreams that I am pursuing, not the people around me who I love, not the material things and the fleeting moments here on earth that I enjoy. I have been spending so much time pursuing my personal happiness that I’m slowly taking Him for granted. Nagsisimula ko ng sukatin yung success at kaligayahan ko through earthly standards ng hindi ko namamalayan. Kinalabit Niya ko bigla and asked me “Anak, para sa Akin pa ba yan?”

I know after this marami pang mangyayari but the past few days had been both challenging and fulfilling for me. I feel renewed and more motivated to pursue Him and the hunger to get to know Him keeps growing and growing. Ngayon ko lang mas naunawaan that when He calls you and you respond to it, pag ang puso mo binuksan mo ng buong buo sa Kanya, mas maiintindihan mo Siya, mas makikilala mo Siya, mas maririnig mo yung boses Niya.

I want to turn away so badly from the things that will hurt Him and in doing so, I know it will take more time, patience and commitment. I admit that it worried me a lot that I might backslide but this week, I truly found peace in my heart and submitted all my fears to Him because I know that for as long as I trust Him completely, nothing is impossible.

Thank you, Lord, for surrounding me with people who will help me make sure that I am aligned with Your purpose for me and my life and for sending me earth angels na aakay sakin pabalik in case madapa na naman ako. To my parents, especially my mom who laid the groundwork sa pagkilala ko sa Kanya, maraming maraming salamat. To my sister-in-law, Belle, you have no idea how one Sunday with you and my brother changed me. I will be forever grateful for that. To my friends who check up on me all the time and who have expressed their sincere desire to join me in my walk with Christ (Jill, Thea, Ms. Joy, and Mommy Faith), THANK YOU!

I am not sharing this so people would emulate what I did and I can’t guarantee the same spiritual experience kasi iba iba naman tayo but I encourage you to take a pause once in a while and REALLY listen to what He wants to tell You. Allow Him to enter your heart and fill all the holes na akala niyo kahit kailan hindi mapupunan. Let Him do wonders and miracles in your life because believe me, you will gain the best kind of happiness – pure, real and everlasting. I incessantly pray for love and kindness to continuously reign in your hearts and may you find in all things that you do the desire to glorify and honor God.

Carpe diem! :)

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