Thoughts on Fangirling / Fanboying

Photo from www.billboard.com

Topic request from one of my readers, my thoughts daw on being a fan. Sorry Dezza it took me this long to get this blog done. :p

Anyway, here it is…

I’m sure maraming makakarelate kasi I believe at one point sa buhay natin meron tayong hinangaan ng sobra, pwedeng celebrity, athlete, author, known personality, or maybe someone na hindi kilala ng iba pero sa community niyo kilala siya. Para sa akin, walang masama maging fan. Actually nakakadagdag pa nga yan ng kulay sa buhay kasi with so many things going on in our lives, being updated about what they do, where they at, what keeps them busy, nagiging sort of escape natin yan from our sometimes stressful reality.

I’ve been observing a lot sa social media. I see a lot of people, as they term it, “fangirling” or “fanboying”. Minsan nakakatuwa, nakakapagtaka, pero may mga cases na nakakaalarma. When does this happen? Pag sumosobra.

Ang saya naman kasi talaga. Yung feeling na nag-aabang ka sa mga susunod na mangyayari. It’s as if you’re living a double life – mundo ng realidad at yung mundo na alam mong temporary pero hindi mo maiwasang maamuse sa mga taong hinahangaan mo at sa mga taong nakikilala mo na gaya mo, pumapantasya din.

Pero ito yun…

Ang pagiging fan ay dapat “fun”. Once na nagsimula ka ng makasakit ng iba (pambabash sa iba maipagtanggol lang ang hinahangaan mo) at mapansin mong nagiiba na yung pagkatao mo at naisasantabi mo na ang values mo alang alang sa tinatawag mong “idolo”, iba na yun. You become a fan of someone because you are inspired by them and when you are inspired, your life becomes better. Whatever quality it is na naging dahilan ng pagiging fan mo, you emanate it in your own life kasi gusto mo somehow maging ganun ka din.

There’s a thin line between “being inspired” sa “idolatry”. The former, positive yung effect while the latter… hmm… medyo bumoborder na yata yun sa pagwoworship sa isang tao which is hindi na nakakaganda dahil kung may sasambahin ka man, hindi dapat sila yun dahil gaya mo, tao din sila. When you become a fan of someone, hindi mo ‘to mapapansin but you invest time, money and emotions. What they go through, parang pinagdadaanan mo din. It is fun, yes. But only to a certain point. This I would like to reiterate lalo na sa younger generation… guys and girls… at the end of the day, may sarili silang buhay at ang pinakaimportante… may sarili ka ring buhay.

“Fangirling” should only add spice to your already-amazing life. You don’t need celebrities, known personalities, and whoever to make your life awesome and interesting. Bago mo maappreciate ang nakikita mo sa ibang tao, learn how to appreciate your own life first. I’m not saying na masama maging fan, what I’m saying is, hindi dapat sila ang top priority. Ok lang na magbigay suporta, ok lang na magpakita ng pagmamahal sa taong hinahangaan mo, pero set your boundaries dahil once nacompromise na ang totoong dapat priority mo (God, family, work, friends, at sarili mo) then I tell you… you’re in big trouble.

Pano mo malalaman pag priority mo na ang “idol” mo: Above everything and anything, siya ba ang uunahin mo? Tipong lahat ipagpapalit mo wag ka lang makamiss out ng game, concert, pelikula, meet and greet, o kung anupaman ng “idol” mo? Nagkakaron ka na ng tinatawag nilang FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). In other words, sakanya na umiikot mundo mo.

That world is an escape… but that’s just it. An escape. It is temporary, it is fleeting. Ikumpara natin sa vitamins. Ang vitamins pampagana, pampadagdag energy, pero yun lang sila. Hindi pwedeng puro vitamins lang, kailangan mo rin kumain ng TOTOONG pagkain para mabuhay ka.

Sa lahat ng may mga fans, (as if naman mababasa niyo ‘to eh mostly naman sa inyo eh artista) :p O sige, shoutout nalang sa universe, kung sakali mang may makabasa nito na may mga fans…

Alagaan mo sana yung mga taong sumusuporta at humahanga sayo. May responsibilidad ka sa mga taong yan. Maaaring hindi mo naman sila inutusan na hangaan ka pero hindi lahat ng tao nabibigyan ng ganyang opportunity. Hindi naman sa pagiging righteous o pa-hero pero kung biniyayaan ka ng langit ng ganyang klaseng impluwensya, gamitin mo sa tama. When people say that they believe in you, that you inspire them, that they have faith in what you can do… BE WORTH IT.

At para naman sa mga fans ng kahit sinong personalidad, hindi mo mapipili kung kanino ka kikiligin, kung sinong tao ang hahangaan mo, kung anong klaseng “fandom” ang gusto mong kabilangan, etc. Walang problema dun. We are all free to admire anyone na gustuhin natin pero siyempre, dapat may limitasyon. Whatever you see on television, whatever write-ups or publicities you read and hear, kahit i-stalk niyo pa sila at sundan araw araw, you will only know a chunk of their life because their reality, kung sino talaga sila, ano talaga sila pag walang nakatingin, sila lang at wala ng iba ang nakakaalam nun. And just a thought… Tinutulungan mo sila matupad pangarap nila, ang tanong… pano yung mga sariling mong pangarap kung ubos na ang oras mo kakastalk at kakasagap ng kung anong bago sakanila? ;)

“Fangirl” in moderation ika nga. Be inspired by them but your own life should always be your priority. Sa buhay mo, hindi kung sinumang kilalang personalidad o artista kundi ikaw… ikaw dapat ang bida. :)

Carpe diem!

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Forgiving a Cheater

Topic request :)

 “Have you forgiven a cheater?”

Answer: Yes. How? Mahabang usapan yan. It wasn’t easy. Forgiveness is actually something tricky kasi minsan akala mo napatawad mo na, then one day you’ll realize hindi pa pala. It’s hard to be cheated on. Masakit kasi pakiramdam mo you’re not worth the loyalty and worse, you feel like you don’t deserve to be treated fairly. Hindi ko na pahahabain pa yung cheating part kasi ayoko ng bitter statements. I would like to focus on the forgiveness part kasi at the end of the day, yun dapat yung mas mangibabaw.

Here’s the thing… the more you think about how you were cheated on, why you were tricked into believing na loyal siya sayo, saan ka ba nagkulang blah blah blah, mas lalo ka lang mahihirapan patawarin siya. 

The person who cheated on me doesn’t know na alam ko na. It happened nung kami pa. Saddest part, the third party was a common friend na pinagselosan ko, turned out my instinct pala that time was right. My situation is way too hard kasi nalaman ko lahat tapos na kami. Kanino pa ko magagalit? The night I knew about it, gusto kong sumabog. I am not a perfect person, I know I had my shortcomings, but never did I imagine na may tao na makakaisip that I deserve to be cheated on. Gustong gusto ko magalit. I think when someone hurts you yun naman talaga ang initial reaction ng kahit sino but my anger did not last long. I was hurt. Badly hurt. And I know that I needed to let it out. What I did? I prayed. Uncomfortable pakinggan for some people especially those who aren’t exactly spiritual but it made me feel better. I want Him to take away my anger. But I know He won’t do that because it is actually my job. That all He can do is be my strength and the rest lies within me, kung papaano ko ihahandle, kung mas pipiliin ko bang saktan din yung taong nanakit sakin to get even or to just let it all go.

Nag-isip ako bago ako magreact. Inanalyze ko kung ano ba yung makakabuti. I had the choice to talk about it but I didn’t. Why? What for? Mababago ba nun yung sitwasyon? Pag minura ko ba siya will it take back what happened? Hindi. In other words, it’s a waste of time. Regardless kung nalaman mo o hindi, alam ng mga taong nanloko sayo kung ano ang ginawa nila. They know it’s wrong, alam din nila na makakasakit sila but they still choose to do it. Being so, the burden is on them, not on you.

Listen… hindi sila masamang tao. They may be selfish but they are not monsters. Like what I always tell my friends, kokonti nalang ang tao sa mundong ‘to na mas uunahin ang iba kesa sa sarili nila. And by that I mean they have their needs. People cheat for different reasons but it boils down to that. They need something – thrill, excitement, validation, etc. If you look at the situation objectively, mas magiging madali para maintindihan at mas madaling magpatawad. Because then you will realize na hindi ikaw ang problema. That sometimes you have to look at them as human beings who made bad choices, malas mo nga lang it had to be on your expense pero ganun eh. The moment you let yourself fall in love with them sinugal mo na din yung puso mo. You can hate them all you want, trashtalk all you want but at the end of the day, hindi mababawasan nun yung sakit na nararamdaman mo. In fact you would even feel worse kasi nagpakababa ka. Alam mo ng mali yung ginawa nila, gagawa ka pa ng isang mali. Kung minura ko siya, o ipinaramdam ko sakanya yung galit ko, mas lalabas akong nakakaawa. Nabastos na nga ako dahil niloko ako tapos ibibigay ko pa sakanya yung satisfaction to see me at my weakest. They can hurt you but NEVER let them break you. People who treat you with no respect, regardless if it's intentional or not, deserve to be... o wag mo iexpect na sasabihin kong deserve nilang bastusin. Hindi. Deserve nilang ma-dedma ;)

Lahat sa buhay natin desisyon. In this case, the moment na niloko ka nila was the exact moment that they decided to let you go. Whatever their reason is, ganun ang relasyon eh. Kahit sino maniwala ka sakin hindi nakukuntento. The only difference is that some people try to find someone else to fill the void while yung iba, sila ang gagawa ng paraan para punuan kung anuman yung kulang sakanila.

In my opinion, nasa tao naman yan. It may take you a long time before you truly forgive someone or pwedeng mas mabilis ka magpatawad. But for me, harboring ill-feelings is a waste of time. Aside from this person who cheated on me, marami pa kong taong gustong mahalin like my family and my friends kaya ayoko dumihan yung puso ko. I felt bad for a certain period of time. Hinayaan ko sarili ko maging tao for a while pero hindi ko na pinahaba. Ayoko pumayag na wala na nga kami naaapektuhan pa din niya ko. It’s like this, I gave you my heart. If you want it, salamat. Kung ayaw mo, eh di wag. Hindi ako mapilit na tao. Kung gusto, gusto. Kung ayaw, la akong pake. I'm not saying that in a manner na parang bitter. I'm saying it the way it should be said, wala. akong. pake. :)

But then, forgiving you doesn't entail any kind of friendship with me kasi hindi 'to package deal. Hindi dahil nakapagpatawad ako ibig sabihin na pwede ka ng bumalik sa buhay ko o na pwede na tayo maging chummy-chummy because that’s a different thing. It could happen, but it’s not automatic.

Not because I don’t want to be your friend it already means na hilaw yung pagpapatawad ko. I just respect myself enough to choose the people who I keep in my life. I can’t be friends with people who I don’t trust so until you earn it, stay away. But you may take consolation on the idea that I have sincerely forgiven you. I will be polite if you want to talk but don’t expect me to listen to you and to share my life with you just like how I am with the people I value. No hate, just pure respect for boundaries.

So sa mga niloko, it starts with acceptance. Tanggapin na nagawa nila yun sayo, tanggapin na nagkamali sila at higit sa lahat tanggapin na wala sayo yung problema. If you feel hate or anger creeping in every part of your being, hayaan mo lang but don’t act on it. Take the high road, embrace the pain, but don’t hurt anybody else in the process (your ex included). It’s not worth it. It doesn’t matter anymore kung makarma sila o hindi. It’s none of your business. Besides, isn’t losing you karma enough? What’s important is that you’re working on being whole again.

Forgive them even if they don’t deserve it because believe me my friend, you deserve your peace.

Carpe diem!

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What Breakups Teach You

Photo from pixshark.com

One friend asked me…

“Sa lahat ng breakups mo, ano natutunan mo?”

I wasn’t able to answer quickly. I just said “Give me time, tanungin mo ko ulit next time promise by then may sagot na ko.” So I contemplated for a whole night.

So here it is…

I learned na kahit ikaw pa ang pinakamatinong tao sa mundo, it won’t guarantee that the people around you will treat you the same. It doesn’t necessarily mean na masama silang tao, or that you are better than them. Sometimes people are just, I don’t know…people? They may be that way dahil sa upbringing, or meron silang pinagdadaanan na hindi mo alam, or mali ka lang talaga ng pagkakakilala sakanila, o sadyang ganun lang talaga sila. Kung ano pa man, the thing is hindi mo kailangan ianalyze and don’t let them change how you see the world.

Kailangan mo lang tanggapin na hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon makukuha mo yung klase ng pagtrato na inaasahan mo. Either you accept it and go along with it, or shun them and just walk away for your sanity’s sake.

I learned that forgiveness is always an option. Gusto ko magmura, gusto ko magalit, gusto ko magwala, the thing is hindi ko magawa. I woke up one day and just decided that I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I don’t want to take care of this certain darkness kasi natatakot ako that it might swallow my heart whole and the next thing I know hindi na ko marunong magmahal. Solution? Bitter pill to swallow pero isa lang… magpatawad. Forgive the person who crushed your heart and forgive yourself too. Ito yung pinakamahirap na kailangan kong gawin kasi sa totoo lang it’s easier to hate someone, pero yung magtanim ng sama ng loob… I know deep down that I’m not that kind of person and I won’t let painful incidents taint my character.

I learned na kahit gaano ka pa masaktan, the people around you who remained and made you feel valuable are more than enough to heal you. Na may mga taong dumating, dadating, at hindi mawawala sa buhay mo kasi tanggap nila at mahal nila lahat lahat sayo. I’m talking about your family and your friends. Those people na minsan naooverlook mo pero in your lowest point sila pa yung mga taong matitira't sasalo sayo.

I learned na kahit magmahal ka ng sobra sobra hindi ibig sabihin nun the person will love you back. Or they might but not in the way you expect them to. Not the same level of loyalty. Not the same degree of passion. But it’s not their fault. Whoever said that LOVE is easy? At sino din bang nagsabi na pagnagmahal ka hindi ka masasaktan? Iba ibang paraan ng pananakit, intentional o hindi, bottomline is pag nagmahal ka imposibleng hindi ka iiyak.

I learned na pag niloko ka, sinaktan o iniwan hindi ibig sabihin may mali sayo. It has a lot to do with who they are. Or minsan, they are the ones who changed everything for you but you are not the one who changed everything for them. Again, not your fault. Not theirs either. 99% of your relationships will fail. So the day na nagsimula kang pumasok sa relasyon dapat alam mo na yun. And that’s the beauty of life and love, the search for that 1%, kung sino man siya. Lucky are those who find theirs ng maaga. For some na hindi, you don’t have to find them. Ni hindi mo kailangan maghintay because whether you like it or not, your “the one” will happen. And your 1%? This time you are that person who will change everything for them and the day you realize na siya na yung tamang tao para sayo, it will all be clear na lahat ng natutunan mo pala, natutunan mo dahil dadating siya.

So am I happy? I would say hopeful. :)

Carpe diem!

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Parang Kayo (Pero "Parang" Lang)

Photo from jeremyrenners.blogspot.com

I noticed nowadays that there are so many people who opt to have this kind of relationship. May iba naman na hindi nila gusto ng ganito kalabong setup but because they are already emotionally invested, go nalang. Like what I always say, kanya kanyang trip yan. There are some people who prioritize convenience kaya they choose to settle for this. Oo nga naman, no breakup hassle. Pag ayaw mo na, hindi naman kayo, so anytime you want to bail, off you go. Other people naman would like to keep their options open. You get to enjoy the perks of being in a relationship without actually being in one.

Here’s my take.

Everything boils down to what you want. Yun lagi ang magdidikta kung saan ka pupunta at ano ang kaya at hindi mo kayang tanggapin. If you guys know what you’re getting into, pag pareho kayo na ok sa ganitong setup, kahit tumagal kayo ng dekada wala kayong dapat pag-usapan. The dilemma only starts when one of you begins to desire for something more.

The next few lines may give people the impression that I am a commitment freak but this is just how I see things. I CAN be in a pseudo-relationship but I DON’T WANT TO. I used to enjoy this when I was a bit younger but now, I learned how to value my time and how to focus on pursuing things that I want - nothing more, nothing less. When I date someone, I can easily identify whether we’re better off as friends or if there’s a potential. Pakilig, pabitin, I’m all for that. That’s the joy of dating right? Pero may hangganan yun. When I start liking someone, that’s when I gauge whether we want the same thing or not. If it’s the former, I will do everything to build something crazy beautiful with you. But if we’re not on the same boat, I won’t play your game. I know what I can give in a relationship, it’s either you take it or you don’t. For me, it’s either we’re friends or we’re something more, walang in between. If you can’t commit, then we’re friends. Being so, expect me to treat you just as a friend. No sweet nothings whatsoever.

Commitment means so much to me because when a person gives it to you, it means that they love and respect you enough to know that you deserve them COMPLETELY.

To one of my readers who asked me to write about this topic, thank you for sharing your story with me. Her situation… this one guy she’s in a pseudo-relationship with for two years, would drop her anytime, mawawala ng parang bula pag nagkaka-gf tapos pag nagkakalabuan sila biglang magpaparamdam ulit (pero di pa din magcocommit sakanya). Sorry to say this but that’s outright bastusan. I may not know him pero based sa kwento mo, ito lang yun: ayaw niya mabakante. How can he tell you that he loves you if he doesn’t even respect how you feel? Hindi ba parang nakakapagpaisip naman yun that he’s so willing to commit to other people but not to you?

Sometimes you have to reassess yourself too because what most of us forget is that we are the ones who tell other people how we should be treated. And this, sorry but it’s not love because when you really love someone you don’t treat her this way.

And to my other reader who’s in a pseudo-relationship with someone who’s committed…

My Friend… he’s cheating on his gf and you are an accessory to his crime. Respect his relationship. Yes, hindi kayo but that’s just a technicality. That’s considered an emotional affair. Let’s put it this way, if you have a bf, will it be okay with you kung may “friend” siya that he shares special feelings with? Kung sasabihin mo sakin na ok lang sayo, maiintindihan kita if you will tolerate this. But if you yourself can’t take this kind of setup kung ikaw yung nasa posisyon ng gf niya, then make it clear both to yourself and your object of affection that you can’t be more than friends unless he becomes single.

Walang scarcity ng lalaki o babae sa mundo. Sometimes the problem with people is that they don’t have the patience to wait and the courage to fight for what they think they truly deserve. I believe that there’s always somebody for someone so don’t ever be worried na wala ng dadating na mas kayang ibigay sayo kung ano yung dapat. Ang atensyon at pagmamahal hindi dapat nililimos o ipinagmamakaawa. If you ever find yourself in this situation, STOP. THINK. WALK AWAY.

Carpe diem!

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Please Be Kind To Yourself

May nasermunan akong kaibigan. (Love you H! Hope I didn't ruin your night.) Sharing parts of our conversation just in case may ibang taong makinabang sa naging usapan namin. :)

Carpe diem!

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Bago Mo Paikutin Mundo Mo Sakanya

Photo from pixgood.com

I had an amazing conversation with a new friend last weekend. I found myself listening to her in awe. I was blown away with the fact that I saw my 23-year old self in her. Madaming aspirations, ang daming gusto mangyari sa buhay, ang taas ng ambisyon. One question dawned into me during my "me" time though... Anong nangyari sakin?

I'm speaking only based on my experience but I would like to share this because I know somehow, somewhere, may mga makakarelate. Don't get me wrong. Hindi ako patapon. I'm very much in love with my life right now but before I got to where I am, ang dami ko sinayang na pagkakataon, ang dami kong tinapon na oras. Bakit? One word... LOVE.

This is not a bitter story. I blame no one other than myself because trust me... ANG LAKAS MAKADISKARIL NG BUHAY PAG MALI ANG KONSEPTO MO SA SALITANG "PAGMAMAHAL". I'm not only talking about love for a partner, I'm talking about love in general which encompasses yung pagmamahal sa pamilya, sa kaibigan, at sa kung sino sino pa. Na akala mo pag mas mahal mo sila mas magiging masaya ka. Tipong kakalimutan mo sarili mo maaccommodate mo lang yung mga gusto nila. Na bibitawan mo pati pangarap mo dahil gusto mo sa lahat kasama sila. The sad part? Lahat 'to mangyayari without you even knowing it. Marerealize mo nalang pag may magpaalala sayo kung sino ka talaga before you decided to put your life on hold so you could build a future with someone else.

Sa mga walang tinitira sa sarili...

I get you. I've been there. But believe me... Kaya mo mahalin ng totoo ang sarili mo at ibang tao ng sabay. Do not submit yourself completely because love doesn't work that way. Try your best to be conscious about your decisions and how you balance everything because what most people fail to realize is that kung ikaw mismo nakukulangan sa sarili mo, eventually magiging kulang ka din para sa mga taong mahal mo.

Sa mga minamahal ng mga taong walang tinitira para sa sarili...

If you really love them, don't take pride or joy in seeing them na pinapaikot ang mundo nila sayo. It's not everyday that you get to meet people who could love that way. They are giving you a part of them that you can break so as much as you can, alagaan mo yung puso nila. Wag mo hayaan na idefine niya ang sarili niya sa kung anuman ang meron kayo. Don't let them lose sight of their identity. Support them, encourage them, love them. Hayaan mo sila mangarap. Inspire them to grow and become better. Sa isang taong totoong nagmamahal, you will find it in your heart to feel pure joy whenever you see them fulfilled and genuinely happy.

Best relationship? Two people who are good on their own but choose to stay with each other because they know they're better together.

Carpe diem!

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Getting Over An Ex

Photo from avivaromm.com

Lahat ng tao may kanya kanyang paraan kung papano mag-move on. There are some people na kahit saglit palang nakakasama yung tao, inaabot ng taon bago tumigil kakaiyak. May iba naman na kahit inabot na ng dekada yung relasyon, in less than a month nakakatawa na akala mo wala lang nangyari.

Let me tell you this... It doesn't matter who broke up with who. Sana wag gawing kumpetisyon ng mga tao kung sino ang mas nasaktan o sino ang naunang makaget over kasi sa kahit na anong break up, pareho kayong talo. Pilit mo mang ideny yan sa sarili mo pero in some way, nasaktan ka din. Hindi basehan ang tagal at gabaldeng luha para masukat kung gaano mo kamahal ang isang tao. I never thought it's even possible to have loved someone with your entire being but you feel as if insufficient amount of tears were shed when this person walked away. Na hindi mo mapilit sarili mong umiyak hindi dahil hindi ka nasasaktan but because you are too numb to even cry.

So again, how do you get over someone?

Sometimes the answer to this question lies on how you were when you were together. If you treated them well, if you were at your best during your time, if you loved them (as in “love” in its truest meaning) when they were still around. In my past relationships, I have realized that moving on was hardest when you know na ikaw yung nakasakit or when you know na ikaw ang nagkulang. That perhaps during the time that you guys were still together and when you had the chance, you did not treat them well because you thought you will never lose them. Kasi pag natapos na lahat, hindi lang guilt ang mararamdaman mo, pati regret. But when you know that you have done everything to keep them happy and that you have given so much of yourself to make them feel loved, when they walk away walang regret, walang guilt. Just pain… pain na kayang gamutin ng panahon.

I can give you tips and what not kung papano makamove on like i-unfriend ang ex mo sa Facebook, idelete ang number niya sa phone mo, avoid contact, etc. but these things cannot be done easily kung deep down may urge ka din na makita o marinig siya, or maybe do anything to get their attention in an attempt to pull them back. I don’t know if this will work for other people but to get over someone in a healthy way, make sure na in each relationship that you get yourself into mahalin mo siya ng totoo. Na kahit kayo pa, imagining them walking away from you alam mo sa sarili mo na wala kang pagsisisihan. Mas madaling tanggapin na hindi lang talaga kayo para sa isa’t isa kesa lunukin yung idea na iniwan ka dahil nakasakit ka.

“It’s not you, it’s me.” – ang pinakagasgas na breakup line pero minsan ito yung pinakatotoo. Marinig mo man ‘to sakanya o hindi, kung alam mong ginawa mo lahat, tama siya. Kung hindi siya makuntento, kung hindi niya mahanap yung gusto niya sayo, simple lang… wala sayo ang problema, nasa kanya. In other words, dead end.

If you’re one of the million people in the world crying right now because of a broken heart, hear me when I say this… Embrace the pain because this won’t last long. Hold your hope that one day when your heart heals, it will be in its strongest. Na may dumating mang iba na maaring iwan ka ulit, sa susunod iiyak ka but you won’t ever be this shattered again. For now, suck it up, take it one day at a time because nakakabadtrip man tong pakinggan pero trust me, everything will be fine.

Carpe diem!

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