This blog has been long overdue. Sa sobrang dami ng
nangyayari sakin lately (all good things), I somehow found it hard to wrap everything
around my head. But then I really feel the need to write and share about it…
because He deserves this.
Most of my readers would have noticed by now how vocal I am
about my faith. It just flows. I can’t stop myself from talking about it dahil
sabi nga nila, kung ano ang preoccupation ng utak mo, yun ang madalas na
lalabas sa bibig mo. Many people ask me how I came to this. Na kaya daw ba ako
blessed kasi madasalin ako. Let me tell you a little bit of my story.
Disclaimer na din before I proceed. I would like to say that this blog is for
everyone dahil ang Panginoon, walang pinipili. But if you’re looking for “hugot”
posts, feel free to navigate on my blog roll. But please, I am encouraging you
to give it a few minutes and read on.
Bata palang ako ambisyosa na ‘ko. Aminado ako diyan. I was
raised by my parents in an environment na ang paniniwala ko magaling ako, na
lahat kaya ko, na malayo ang mararating ko basta pagsikapan ko lang. Napakarami
kong gustong gawin. Pero gaya ng maraming bata, I didn’t fully understand “faith”,
“God”, “blessings”, and the role that He plays in my life. My mom is a very
spiritual person. Siguro yung pagiging madasalin sakanya ko talaga nakuha pero
yung pagdadasal ko noon, ginagawa ko kasi kailangan. Kasi sinanay ako.
Magrerecite lang ng Our Father o kaya ng Hail Mary. Magsisimba tuwing Linggo.
Magdadasal ng rosary. Akala ko yun lang sapat na.
Habang tumatanda ako, I have achieved things and I thank
God, of course. Pero part nun, dahil sa sobrang bilib ko sa sarili ko, naniwala
ako na kagagawan ko kung bakit ko narating yung mga naabot ko. I don’t know if
it was pride o sadyang I just didn’t know better.
How it all started… nung naranasan kong mawala lahat sakin. Na
yung mga tao at bagay na sobrang vinalue ko, I lost all of it one by one. Ang
taas ng binagsakan ko. Bonggang lagapak. 2013 - yun na yung masasabi kong worst
year ever but in retrospect, I realized that it was one of the best. Why? Kasi
doon ko Siya totoong nakilala. Yung pagkilala na nagkusa ka, hindi pinilit,
hindi tinuro. Some people realize God’s
worth without going through flames. But though He had to allow me to get burned
so bad just to clear my view of WHO really matters, I wouldn’t have it any
other way because whenever I speak of my journey, I appreciate Him more because
this is how He slowly purified my heart. Dumating ako sa panahon na wala na
akong makapitan, na para bang ibinigay ko yung sarili ko sa mga maling tao,
pakiramdam ko ubos na ubos ako, tipong hindi ko alam papano ako mabubuo ulit. Wala
kang makausap kasi pakiramdam mo walang makakaintindi and at the same time you
don’t want to be a burden to other people. Ang hirap, sobra. Yung ayaw mong
mag-isa pero kahit napapalibutan ka ng maraming tao, nanunuot sa kaloob-looban
mo….. may kulang. That’s when I began talking to Him. Sa pagpiga Niya sa puso
ko, kahit ang sakit sakit, kahit pagdaanan ko yun ng paulit ulit, okay lang as
long as Siya ulit ang kasama ko.
The things that I have achieved this year, yung pagkapublish
ng libro ko at yung maraming opportunities pa na dumating na hindi ko na halos
mabilang, habangbuhay ko ipagpapasalamat sa Kanya. Pero ang totoong success
story ko ay hindi yung unti unting natutupad yung mga pangarap ko. Akala ko
nung una yun na yun, pero hindi pala because my real success is Him. This
relationship that I have with Him now. Every night I pray about my fear that
when all my dreams come true baka maligaw nanaman ako, baka makalimutan ko
Siya. Pero kabaliktaran yung nangyari. The more I achieve things, the more I
become closer to Him. The more I fulfill the dreams that He planted in my
heart, the more that I get to know Him.
Hindi ako blessed dahil madasalin ako. God is not a genie na
papapasukin mo sa buhay mo for your own satisfaction. Na hihiling ka lang at
kailangan Niya i-grant lahat. Na sasabihin mo lang yung gusto mo at dapat
sundin na Niya. It’s the other way around. Kaya nga Higher Power diba? Because
He is greater than you. He should be the one in charge. We pray not for our
wants to be fulfilled but for His plans for you to prosper. To be honest, the
things that I am pursuing now, I never thought gagawin ko. It all happened
because when you pray, you don’t just talk. Ultimately, you have to listen. And
the day I decided to fully submit my life to Him, na Siya na ang bahala, na isusuko
ko na lahat ng pagdedesisyon sa Kanya, that’s when everything slowly became
clear to me. That He has a purpose for each one of us. Na yun ang gusto Niyang
gawin natin because that’s where we will flourish. Ilang beses ako lumihis sa
mga bagay na gusto Niya dahil ang gusto kong sundin yung sarili ko and it got
me nowhere. I always end up empty and miserable. And I don’t want that kind of
life anymore.
I’m not trying to convince you of anything. I’m just telling
you about His greatness because such an amazing God deserves it. I cry
everytime I think about how He fixed me. How He redirected me to the path na
Siya ang kasama ko. Sa lugar na masaktan man ako pero may sasalo sakin. Umiyak man ako pero may dadamay at papahid ng
mga luha ko. I have many more years to live, I believe. And if so, I will lose a
few more people but that’s okay because I know He will remove them so I could
move on to better things. I will lose a few more battles but that’s okay
because I know practice lang yun so I’ll be ready for greater blessings to
come. Kung may natutunan man ako sa lahat ng ‘to… isa lang. TIWALA. Tiwala sa
mga plano Niya. Tiwala sa pagmamahal Niya. Na kahit gulong gulo ka na, piliin
mo pa rin Siya. Na kahit nasasaktan ka na, piliin mo pa rin maniwala na mahal
na mahal ka Niya.
You create and nurture a relationship with God because you
want to, not because you feel that you will be punished if you don’t. You don’t
have to push yourself into doing it, but I believe na maraming pagkakataon na
kakalabitin ka Niya. Pakiusap ko lang sayo, lingunin mo Siya. Remember when you’re
in love? Ngitian ka lang niya, isang salita lang galing sakanya buo na araw mo.
God is much like that. He doesn’t need a long conversation with you everyday.
Just a good morning, a good night, or even a simple “hi” will do. Ganun kababaw
ang kaligayahan Niya pagdating sayo kasi ganun ka Niya kamahal. Wag mo piliting
hanapin yung taong hindi mananakit sayo kasi meron na, naghihintay lang na mapansin
mo. And one day, when you find it in your heart to willingly submit yourself to
Him, I promise you, He will blow your mind with his love dahil lahat ng kulang
sayo, Siya lang ang magpupuno, sobra sobra pa. Ituring mo Siya na parang bf o
gf mo. Talk to Him. Spend time with Him. Get to know Him. Love Him. And He will
give you double, if not triple, of that. The things you need in your life, He
will provide without you even asking for it. The dreams you want to fulfill, He
will help you achieve it so you could be a blessing to other people too. He
will surprise you everyday with things na akala mo imposible pero lahat ng yun
ibibigay Niya dahil mahal ka Niya. Kaya sino may sabing sayong sawi ka at
walang lovelife? Kung tutuusin ikaw ang pinakaswerte… dahil siya ang
natatanging pag-ibig na hinding hindi makikipagbreak sayo. :)
To You, my dear Lord, maraming maraming salamat. Umaapaw ang
puso ko ngayon ng pagmamahal dahil hindi ka nagtipid nung nagpa-refill ako ;)
Now I am more capable of loving. Ang sarap ipamigay sa lahat ng nakakasalamuha
ko. Ang gaan i-share kasi alam ko hindi ‘to mauubos dahil galing ‘to sa Iyo.
Dalangin ko na kung sinuman ang makabasa nito, sana mas tumibay ang paniniwala
at pagmamahal sa Iyo because if there’s any entity na deserving mahalin ng
buong buo, it’s You.
To God be the glory.
