Sunday, November 9, 2014

Ex and Second Chances

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If asked what’s my take on second chances (or third, fourth, etc)…

Na-blog ko na ‘to in the past and I would say na kung ano yung nasabi ko in 2008, I still believe in the same thing. Naniniwala ba ko sa second chances? It depends. True, everyone deserves a second chance pero depende naman yan sa nature ng hiwalayan niyo.

Sa mga break-bati, break-bati…

I have met a lot of couples like this. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against this. Bahala kayo kung anong trip niyo. But if I will be asked kung gawain ko ‘to, NO. I take the word “break” seriously. Ayoko siya maging laro o panakot, o something na gagawin ko para lang may thrill. This thing, I find it somewhat pang-high school (sorry, no pun intended). Opinyon ko lang naman. Konting away, break. Mababaw na pinagtalunan, break. Walang kabagay-bagay na kinairitahan sa isa’t isa, break. Tapos pag malamig na ulo… makikipagbalikan. If you are in a mature relationship, you will value each other’s feelings and you will respect your relationship enough to not break it off ng dahil lang sa isang bagay na hindi mo pinag-isipan. If you will make it a habit, mawawalan na ng sense ang salitang “break” sa inyo. Why I take it seriously? Here’s why.

Everytime you break up with someone, it’s you telling your partner “I can’t handle you and your imperfections.”

Everytime you break up with someone, it’s you telling your partner “I can drop you just like that but I can pull you back anytime I want.”

And every single time you break up is a wound you inflict on your relationship. Then you get numb. And when you get numb, before you know it mawawalan na ng halaga kung anuman meron kayo.

When couples fight, it doesn’t really matter whether nagsisigawan kayo o nagpapalipas muna kayo ng sama ng loob before you discuss what just happened, but if you really want to take care of your relationship, breaking up should never be an option unless seryoso ka. In the beginning of a relationship I always make that clear. A break up should be a process and a one-time thing. It is a process in the sense na pinagdedesisyunan yan at pinag-iisipan. And it is a one-time thing because once you cast the word, there’s no going back. Hindi naman sa ma-pride pero para sakin, “break na tayo” is equivalent to “ayoko na”. So when you say it, dapat sigurado ka. Isang beses lang ako magtatanong kung desidido ka and when I hear a “yes”, that’s it. And if you are this kind of person, you let your partner know that you want someone who respects you and your relationship, period.

If you will take your ex back…

Embrace the idea that whatever it is na nagawa nila to make you walk away, they could do it again. BUT… wag kang praning. If you give someone a second chance, it also means na with all sincerity bibigyan mo siya ng pagkakataon to gain your trust back. Stop bringing up past mistakes because if you will keep on taking it against your ex and use it as a bullet para may maisumbat tuwing mag-aaway kayo, eh tigilan mo na yan. Naglolokohan lang kayo. Remember, there’s no such thing as “getting things back to how it was before”, only “starting over”. So if you can’t let the past go and begin a new leaf with your ex, just call it quits. For real.

If you’re sure as hell that you won’t take your ex back…

Tama na yung “para pa ding kayo pero hindi na kayo” setup. Imbis na nagsasayang ka ng oras kaka-urong sulong because of this so called “attachment”, be fair both to your ex and yourself. Just say it straight and MEAN IT.

Why I rarely go back to my exes…

When I’m in a relationship, I commit myself to it. And I mean “commit” in its truest meaning. I will do everything I can to make the relationship work and giving up is not exactly in my nature. That’s why I’m very careful sa taong pinipili ko because I don’t do relationships just for the sake of being in one. But once I say “I’m done”, it only means that I have done all things possible pero talagang hindi na pwede ipilit otherwise we’ll end up hating each other. There’s no bitterness in that. It’s just that I’d rather start with someone new than go back to an ex and deal with the same issues ng paulit ulit. Sometimes you have to know when something is over and when it is, pull the curtain down, drop the bitterness, move forward and wag ka ng lilingon. Trust me, you will thank yourself later on.

Carpe diem!

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