Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The Love You Deserve

Photo from tamunatko.blogspot.com

“Bakit ba ang choosy mo?”

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she suddenly blurted this out. Hindi ko alam kung may tamang sagot sa tanong na ‘to pero hindi ko kayang ipaliwanag lahat ng tumatakbo sa isip ko sa isa o dalawang sentences lang. I decided to write about it dahil hindi ako pinatulog nito kagabi. I never asked myself this question before but last night I thought about it long and hard.

The thing about people who have loved and learned is that they begin to embrace the whole concept of “knowing what you want”. And I guess that’s just it. I’m not being “choosy” out of pride. People may say “Screw standards, you like who you like”. Ganun din ako mag-isip noon. Sa mga pinagdaanan ko, I tried my best to analyze if I had a pattern. Kung saan ako nagkamali and what’s my share in the demise of my relationships. You don’t just lose people along the way and learn nothing. This is my perspective. I’m not claiming to know everything about love and relationships but in case may maka-relate, you’re not alone.

Let me share what I learned…

Before you get yourself involved with someone, ask yourself: Why do you want to be in a relationship? Is it because you want to feel special? Is it because you don’t want to be alone? Is it because lahat ng kaibigan mo in a relationship at gusto mo makiuso? Are you aiming for “forever” (if there’s even such thing) o gusto mo lang ng ka-MOMOL? Walang masama sa kahit na ano diyan basta alam mo kung ano ang hinahanap mo. And this is why I am choosy.

I want someone who is self-assured. A person who can live without me but still chooses to be with me. I want to be with you if you are someone who wants my company not out of an emotional need or a void that I may or may not fill but because my presence lights a spark in your soul. A person who I will take care of because I want to, not because I know you’ll fall apart if I don’t. Someone who will inspire me to be better not because I want to be the kind of person who can give all your needs but because someone as amazing as you deserves it. And sadly, I find people like this so rare nowadays. And this is why I am choosy.

I want to share a relationship with someone who I can grow with. We can be different in so many things but as long as we share the desire to be together and fight hell hard to protect what we have, I’ll stand by you no matter what. I don’t give in to momentary chills and occasional “kilig” not because I’m hard to please but because I know who I am and what I can give when I offer my heart to someone. All I want is a person who will say “I love you” and truly mean it. And this is why I am choosy.

My heart is so strong that it was able to glue itself together after being smashed into pieces by people in my past. Now it is almost brand new and I will give it to you because you know you have the power to break it again but will never do so because for once, a person like you will recognize that a heart that I fought so hard to keep pure deserves to be protected by a love like yours. And this is why I am choosy.

Working out a relationship with someone, I believe, is not rocket science. It takes two people who want the same things. I am not a square who will soften my edges just to fit in a round hole. I used to think na pag mahal mo ang isang tao lahat ng klase ng adjustment gagawin mo but I eventually realized that the person you are with is not a mold to where you should shape yourself. The two of you must melt together and create a pattern unknown to others… something unique, something only the two of you understands, something beautiful, something that can only be built by LOVE. And for me it’s either this, or none at all.

Carpe diem!

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When Do You Let Go?

Photo from thesusanblog.com

I’ve been busy the past few weeks both with work and on this book I’ve been writing. Iwas burnout muna so yes… I have to be in trance tonight and leave my toxic world for a few hours. Ergo, magsusulat ako.

I read a post somewhere one time. I can’t remember when exactly pero medyo matagal na. Thought-provoking, matagal ko na gusto i-tackle yung topic pero ngayon lang ako nagka-oras talaga. As stated on the post…

Kailan mo malalaman kung dapat ka na mag-let go sa relationship?

I wish I could talk to the one who posted it so I could have a clear view of the situation but since I have no idea what the whole story is, in general ko nalang ididiscuss. I’m no expert, so whatever it is na mababasa niyo, sakin lang ‘to. Disclaimer lang :)

Going back to the topic…

Kung ako lang… maingat ako when I get myself involved in a relationship. I don’t know how it is with other people, but for me, hindi ako nakikipagrelasyon kasi kung kanikanino lang. Oo, siguro nga pwedeng masabi na pihikan ako. Hindi dahil masyadong mataas ang tingin ko sa sarili ko. Mapili ako kasi pag nasa relationship ako, I want it with someone na sigurado akong ipaglalaban ko kahit hanggang saan kami makarating. So kailan ba dapat mag-let go? Depende yan sa sitwasyon and how you look at it. Sakin kasi, I have my non-negotiables. Maghihiwalay lang tayo sa tatlong rason, No 1: you cheat on me, No.2 pag pinaramdam mo sakin na hindi ka na masaya and No.3 ikaw ang makikipagbreak sakin for whatever reason you have. Other than that, I can bear. As long as I can see that the person I am with is doing everything to make the relationship work, hindi ko siya bibitawan. Because when you want someone to stay in your life and if you know that they want you in theirs too, you fight for it. Period. Pero pag hindi mutual ang feeling, kung ako ang bibitawan, ibang usapan na yun.

You fall in love with someone for a reason.  You just don’t fall out ng ganun ganun lang. Na gigising ka isang araw ayaw mo na? Being in a relationship is not easy at hindi yan araw araw sparks and fireworks. Even if you ask people who have been with their partners for years and decades, iisa sasabihin nila sayo. That keeping a relationship is hardwork. Hindi yan tipong araw araw in love ka. Walang ganun. There will be days na nakakapikon siya, na ang sarap niyang kalbuhin, na magagalit ka, mag-aaway kayo, na nakakasawa, na feeling mo ayaw mo na… but that’s the point. FEELING lang yun. Ang tanong… anong gagawin mo sa FEELING na yan? Will you nurture it o lalabanan mo?

I’m not saying that this is how relationships should be kasi kanya kanya naman yan pero para sakin, ang relasyon na nagtatagal, binubuo yan, hindi yan kusang nangyayari. Every waking day that you are in that relationship, you make a decision to be with that person and to love them even during moments that they're the hardest to fall for. I’m not saying na obligasyon yan but that’s what it means when you COMMIT yourself to someone and that is why you really have to choose who you give your heart to. Kasi pag binigay mo na yung puso mo, kasunod na niyan yung isip mo, lahat ng ikaw buong buo. So when you say YES to someone, do everything to protect what you have lalo na kung alam mong worthy yung tao kasi kung lahat ng tao susukuan mo, walang matitira sayo…

The question is not “MAHAL ko pa ba?” kasi araw araw pwede yan magbago.

Ang tanong… “MAMAHALIN ko pa ba?” kasi once pagdesisyunan mong OO ang sagot diyan, walang ng dapat pang pag-usapan.

Carpe diem!

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