The Love You Deserve

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“Bakit ba ang choosy mo?”

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she suddenly blurted this out. Hindi ko alam kung may tamang sagot sa tanong na ‘to pero hindi ko kayang ipaliwanag lahat ng tumatakbo sa isip ko sa isa o dalawang sentences lang. I decided to write about it dahil hindi ako pinatulog nito kagabi. I never asked myself this question before but last night I thought about it long and hard.

The thing about people who have loved and learned is that they begin to embrace the whole concept of “knowing what you want”. And I guess that’s just it. I’m not being “choosy” out of pride. People may say “Screw standards, you like who you like”. Ganun din ako mag-isip noon. Sa mga pinagdaanan ko, I tried my best to analyze if I had a pattern. Kung saan ako nagkamali and what’s my share in the demise of my relationships. You don’t just lose people along the way and learn nothing. This is my perspective. I’m not claiming to know everything about love and relationships but in case may maka-relate, you’re not alone.

Let me share what I learned…

Before you get yourself involved with someone, ask yourself: Why do you want to be in a relationship? Is it because you want to feel special? Is it because you don’t want to be alone? Is it because lahat ng kaibigan mo in a relationship at gusto mo makiuso? Are you aiming for “forever” (if there’s even such thing) o gusto mo lang ng ka-MOMOL? Walang masama sa kahit na ano diyan basta alam mo kung ano ang hinahanap mo. And this is why I am choosy.

I want someone who is self-assured. A person who can live without me but still chooses to be with me. I want to be with you if you are someone who wants my company not out of an emotional need or a void that I may or may not fill but because my presence lights a spark in your soul. A person who I will take care of because I want to, not because I know you’ll fall apart if I don’t. Someone who will inspire me to be better not because I want to be the kind of person who can give all your needs but because someone as amazing as you deserves it. And sadly, I find people like this so rare nowadays. And this is why I am choosy.

I want to share a relationship with someone who I can grow with. We can be different in so many things but as long as we share the desire to be together and fight hell hard to protect what we have, I’ll stand by you no matter what. I don’t give in to momentary chills and occasional “kilig” not because I’m hard to please but because I know who I am and what I can give when I offer my heart to someone. All I want is a person who will say “I love you” and truly mean it. And this is why I am choosy.

My heart is so strong that it was able to glue itself together after being smashed into pieces by people in my past. Now it is almost brand new and I will give it to you because you know you have the power to break it again but will never do so because for once, a person like you will recognize that a heart that I fought so hard to keep pure deserves to be protected by a love like yours. And this is why I am choosy.

Working out a relationship with someone, I believe, is not rocket science. It takes two people who want the same things. I am not a square who will soften my edges just to fit in a round hole. I used to think na pag mahal mo ang isang tao lahat ng klase ng adjustment gagawin mo but I eventually realized that the person you are with is not a mold to where you should shape yourself. The two of you must melt together and create a pattern unknown to others… something unique, something only the two of you understands, something beautiful, something that can only be built by LOVE. And for me it’s either this, or none at all.

Carpe diem!

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