Saturday, August 20, 2016

Meron Na Siyang Iba

Photo from: Connor Taylor Photography

Just a short entry before I go to bed. I spoke to a good friend early today. Our funny conversation went like this:

F: Uy! Nakausap ko pala si *bleep*
Me: Ah really? Kumusta daw siya?
F: Engaged na.
*awkward silence*

Though things did not end the way I hoped for years back when I thought we were leading somewhere (for someone I dated in the past, there were really serious feelings involved during that time), totoo, walang halong kaechusan, gusto ko talaga maging masaya siya. Pero ngayon ko lang narealize, masakit din pala… konti. Haha!

Well, it wasn’t the sana-kami-nalang-ulit kind of masakit but more like it-could-have-been-us-but-we-both-know-we’re-better-off-this-way. It played thousands of times in my head before, yung tipong meron kang ex na ikakasal, iba pala yung iniimagine mo lang sa totoong nangyayari na. Ngayon ko lang na-gets yung pakiramdam na kahit alam mong ayaw mo naman kayong magkabalikan pero mas naging totoo yung “period”, as in never na magkakaroon ng katuloy EVER.

Anyway, at the end of the day mas nangibabaw pa din siyempre yung masaya ako para sa kanya. Finding the right one and finally being able to say that you are with the person you want to grow old with is one amazing blessing na hindi lahat nakakaranas. I may have not found mine yet pero sure ako na cloud nine ang pakiramdam nun and for someone who used to be so special to me and I used to deeply care about, there is nothing but joy na malaman na on to the next chapter na siya ng buhay niya.

One friend told me before “when you love a person, lumipas man yan, hindi man maganda maging ending niyo, nandyan pa rin yan. Matatabunan lang ng mga susunod mong mamahalin pero never mawawala.” I guess tama siya.  Whether ikakasal man yan o may bago ng jowa, may mafifeel at mafifeel ka pa rin. Kirot, hapdi, sakit, basta may mararamdaman ka. But don’t mistake that na baka mahal mo pa o na baka gusto mo pa magkabalikan kayo. Be happy kasi it only means nagmahal ka ng totoo. ;)

PS. Pag nakabasa kayo ng kwento ko na tungkol sa past love na ikakasal, ayan, may idea na kayo kung saan inspired :p

Carpe diem!

Instagram: abciddy
Twitter: @abciddy


I have been on hiatus for some time. Not that it matters to others but I would like to share with you something that was life changing for me.

Just a background, madalas ko ng naririnig yung prayer and fasting. Actually, I try to do it every Holy Week (and I say “try” kasi most of the time hindi successful). It was just recently that I had serious thoughts about it because I felt something inside was calling me to do it. For days, I researched on the proper way of doing prayer and fasting. I talked to my mom about it and sought advice from my friends especially those na nasubukan na. I didn’t know how to prepare myself for it kasi “7 days” is “7 days”. Yung malihis ako sa nakasanayan ko and give up certain things (sa mga hindi nakakaalam I have this need to stick to my daily routine otherwise I become really anxious), it was unimaginable for me. But then I realized, this will test kung ano nga ba ang kaya kong isakripisyo para sa Kanya so sabi ko “sige na, bahala na”.

Sa totoo lang, wala akong major issue sa buhay. I’m not depressed. Wala akong pinagdadaanan. Everything is okay. I am working on a lot of things lalo na sa career and everyday nagigising ako na sobrang hopeful at excited sa mga projects na nakasalang sakin para sa mga susunod na buwan. At some point though narealize ko na lagi natin iniisip kung masaya ba tayo. The things we do, we do it to pursue happiness. I began to ask “Ikaw ba Lord? Happy ka ba?” I decided to zone out for 7 days so I could hear Him better. I have been looking for my so called “spiritual home” for a long time and I feel that I have already found it but I know in my heart that there are things in my life that need serious “pruning” because as much as I have accepted Him as my Lord and Savior, there are still things na hindi ko maisuko ng 100%. Mga bagay na akala ko sinuko ko na pero hindi pa pala buong buo yung pag-surrender ko.

A friend once told me “Hindi ka Niya masasagip kung dumidiskarte ka pa rin ng pang-sarili mo.” Hindi ko maisuko kasi feeling ko hindi ko kaya. Ganun tayo eh – tao, madalas mahina. Sa mga araw na lumipas dun ko narealize that when you say “With God, nothing is impossible.” you have to REALLY believe it. Majority sa buhay ko sinuko ko na sa Kanya pero yun mismo yung problema. “Majority” LANG. Hindi lahat. Hindi buo. Hindi kumpleto.

Since I started my 7-day journey, things were easy. Nagulat din ako. The things na akala ko ang hirap i-give up at feeling ko essential sa araw araw kong pamumuhay, He answered my prayer kasi hindi ko hinanap hanap. Wala talagang urge. Dun ko naisip yung mga mas seryosong bagay na hindi ko mabitawan. I looked at myself closely and how I live my life and God showed me so many things that I was so afraid to deal with before kaya naipon lang. He made me realize “Anak, sinampolan na kita sa maliliit na bagay. Kinaya kong alisin. Sana pagkatiwalaan mo rin Ako sa mga malalaking bagay sa buhay mo na kailangan mo ng tanggalin.”

I realized that I became dependent on some things na kung hindi ko pa aayusin ngayon, natatakot ako na baka makalimutan ko that He is my God – not the dreams that I am pursuing, not the people around me who I love, not the material things and the fleeting moments here on earth that I enjoy. I have been spending so much time pursuing my personal happiness that I’m slowly taking Him for granted. Nagsisimula ko ng sukatin yung success at kaligayahan ko through earthly standards ng hindi ko namamalayan. Kinalabit Niya ko bigla and asked me “Anak, para sa Akin pa ba yan?”

I know after this marami pang mangyayari but the past few days had been both challenging and fulfilling for me. I feel renewed and more motivated to pursue Him and the hunger to get to know Him keeps growing and growing. Ngayon ko lang mas naunawaan that when He calls you and you respond to it, pag ang puso mo binuksan mo ng buong buo sa Kanya, mas maiintindihan mo Siya, mas makikilala mo Siya, mas maririnig mo yung boses Niya.

I want to turn away so badly from the things that will hurt Him and in doing so, I know it will take more time, patience and commitment. I admit that it worried me a lot that I might backslide but this week, I truly found peace in my heart and submitted all my fears to Him because I know that for as long as I trust Him completely, nothing is impossible.

Thank you, Lord, for surrounding me with people who will help me make sure that I am aligned with Your purpose for me and my life and for sending me earth angels na aakay sakin pabalik in case madapa na naman ako. To my parents, especially my mom who laid the groundwork sa pagkilala ko sa Kanya, maraming maraming salamat. To my sister-in-law, Belle, you have no idea how one Sunday with you and my brother changed me. I will be forever grateful for that. To my friends who check up on me all the time and who have expressed their sincere desire to join me in my walk with Christ (Jill, Thea, Ms. Joy, and Mommy Faith), THANK YOU!

I am not sharing this so people would emulate what I did and I can’t guarantee the same spiritual experience kasi iba iba naman tayo but I encourage you to take a pause once in a while and REALLY listen to what He wants to tell You. Allow Him to enter your heart and fill all the holes na akala niyo kahit kailan hindi mapupunan. Let Him do wonders and miracles in your life because believe me, you will gain the best kind of happiness – pure, real and everlasting. I incessantly pray for love and kindness to continuously reign in your hearts and may you find in all things that you do the desire to glorify and honor God.

Carpe diem! :)

Instagram: abciddy
Twitter: @abciddy


Monday, July 25, 2016

Whatever Happened to Abciddy

Photo from

One of my readers who grew close to me asked the other day kung kailan daw ba ako maguupdate ulit. I know I’ve been inactive for the most part of this year. Di ko pa maexplain sa ngayon kung bakit but most definitely, I am cooking something up for all my followers. Announcement will come one of these days but I promise that this will be something really exciting. I had this planned since last year pa pero mukhang ngayon lang magmamaterialize. I’ll be working on my dream projects very soon. Praise God! 

Ngayon pa lang nagpapasalamat na ‘ko sa lahat ng tumulong, tumutulong at tutulong pa. You guys are my angels. Maraming salamat for supporting me not just on my work but also in my advocacies. More good things are coming our way and one day, maibabalik ko din sa inyong lahat yung klase ng suporta at pagtitiwala na binibigay niyo sa’kin. I know I have a responsibility to you guys, too, lalo na sa mga nabibitin ko sa kwento. From the bottom of my heart, humihingi ako ng paumanhin. Pasensya na kayo. Hehe! When you have so many dreams that you are trying to fulfill, ang sarap sarap hilingin na sana madagdagan ang oras sa loob ng isang araw. But anyway, I’ll try to be a better time manager so I won’t keep anyone hanging again.

Sa mga readers ko who became my good friends, lalo na sa mga admins at OP’s, you guys know who you are, mahal na mahal ko kayo. Maraming salamat at pinag-aaksayahan niyo ko ng oras at ng atensyon lalo na sa mga nakakausap ko sa Twitter at Viber paminsan. Jenny, Dezza, Ferrai, Thet, Mommy Faith, sa mga op’s nila Rocky, to Ruxel, Angge, Leah, Idda, Mommy C, kay Gleekrusher, CK, Elene, Bibi, naku po… hindi ko na kayo maisa-isa. Wag magtatampo yung hindi ko nabanggit. Inaantok na kasi ako. Poor memory. :p Basta, lahat kayo! Alam niyo na yan.

I’ll keep all of you in my prayers and do know that I will never forget you.


Carpe diem!

Twitter: @abciddy
Instagram: abciddy

When You Know That God Is At Work

It’s 2:44 in the morning. A friend kept on asking me on Facebook why I’m still up. As always, napag-isip na naman ako. Lately I’ve been coming home after a day of work and everything else at sobrang latang-lata ako sa pagod pero gaya nga ng sabi ko sa social media the other day “that kind of busy na nakaka-happy”. Hindi ko mapigilang makatulog and it usually lasts for a few hours then for some reason, between 2am-3am nagigising ako. Kung kailan tahimik ang paligid at tulog ang mundo, bigla ko lang masasabi “Lord, nanggigising Ka noh?” Though I get random moments wherein I worship Him and grab stolen chances of having short conversations, I know He is trying to tell me something.

The past few weeks I’ve been having this odd feeling. Sabi ko nga sa kaibigan ko, hindi ko maintindihan and I can’t even identify if it’s a good feeling or maybe it’s something bad, basta ang alam ko may certain intensity at nababother ako. I can’t figure it out and I couldn’t tell people about it. Sa mga nakakakilala sakin, alam nila yan na madaldal lang ako pero bihira ako lumapit at magkwento ng mga personal na bagay. Most of the time, I just pray for it. The only person I talk to pag may mga bagay na hindi ko na kayang kimkimin, well, he’s already with Him. Lately dumadami mga kaibigan ko na mas matatanda sa akin and by age difference eh talagang siksik na sa wisdom so I decided to talk to one of them. Hindi ko makalimutan yung sinabi niya and here’s what he said:

Sleep on it. Let the Holy Spirit come to you, huwag mong habulin. Just be patient and sensitive sa mga nangyayari sa paligid mo kasi minsan, nandyan na yung message, hindi mo lang mahanap kasi yung focus mo nandun sa literal. Gusto mo kasi isasalampak sa harap mo yung sagot pero minsan kasi nandyan lang eh, di mo lang napapansin because you expect the answer to be in an obvious form.

Pinag-isipan ko ng maigi and I have been discerning and praying a lot until today happened. At yun ang amazing para sa’kin kasi yung epiphany, nangyari nang walang espesyal na okasyon and God revealed His message to me in a very simple form – ilaw. When my mentor opened this bright light kanina during our class, medyo madilim sa paligid at ang naiilawan lang yung mga taong nandun. I was taking a photo of the class when God's message dawned into me…

“You are in the right place and these are the kind of people I want you to be with.”

I was almost drowning in self-doubt and I couldn’t stop second guessing myself. Perhaps, nasa nature ko na yun kasi as much as I take risks (I can’t even count kung ilang beses na ‘kong tumalon at sumemplang), nandun pa rin yung pagiging segurista ko.

Tama ba ‘to? Baka mali ‘tong ginagawa ko? Dito ba ko dapat? O dun na lang ako sa safe, dun sa kalkulado? Kaso what if ganito? What if ganyan?

It goes on and on in my head and there are times that I couldn’t handle the voices anymore so I just shut the whole thing out. Then it happened. Finally.

On my way home, I was praying. I can’t help but thank God for reassuring me that as long as He is with me, as long as hindi ako bumibitaw sa Kanya, nothing will ever go wrong. Hindi ko na napansin yung traffic because I was reflecting the whole time. Ibang iba yung mundo ko ngayon. Nakakapanibago pero nakaka-excite. I am so thankful na nililinis Niya yung daan para sakin. As I continuously pray for how many months, di ko napansin na may mga tinanggal Siyang tao at bagay sa buhay ko and I can’t thank Him enough that the people who remained in my arm’s length are those who I know will never take advantage of me. He revealed to me the people who I should trust and whose hearts will be vital in the days to come dahil yung mga pusong yun ang patuloy na magpapaalala sakin that He loves me and that I am not alone. Marami rin Siyang dinagdag sa buhay ko na hindi ko laging naaappreciate kasi akala ko dadaan lang, but I realized eventually that these are the people who I would want to keep not just because I have seen their kind hearts but because hanggat nandito sila, hindi ako mawawala.

God is preparing me for something. I can feel it. I don’t know kung ano specifically and I don’t want to know, at least not until He’s ready to reveal it to me but I am beyond grateful because He answered my prayer by sending me the right people to walk this journey with.

I felt this need to share how God unceasingly manifests His love and greatness to me because I know 100% that He will work wonders in your life too only if you have a willing heart. I am a work in progress and there are so many things in me that need a lot of tweaking but all my worries have been washed out because I know for a fact na hinding hindi Niya ko pababayaan.

Let me end this entry with this. This is something that a good friend told me and it really hit a spot…
You know that God is at work in your life when you start doing things na akala mo imposible at hindi mo kayang gawin. Those things na iniisip mo noon  na hindi para sayo kahit gustong gusto mo pero opportunities na hindi mo plinano o hinanap ang hihila sayo, pabalik-balik, paulit-ulit. And when that happens, don’t fight it. Hold that faith in your heart na nilagay ka diyan for a reason and whatever that is, it is for His purpose. Make Him happy. Fulfill it.

Carpe diem!

Twitter: @abciddy
Instagram: abciddy

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Ang 3-Month Rule… Bow!

I had a long discussion with a friend about this whole 3-month rule. Funny kasi nagsimula lang sa usapan tungkol kay Taylor Swift at nauwi na sa personal niyang hugot. Haha! Anyway, she told me “Hindi man lang naghintay ng tatlong buwan” and it had me thinking. Sino ba nagpasimuno niyang 3-month rule na yan at anong meron sa tatlong buwan para masabing okay ng makipag-date or to be in a relationship again after that?

The thing is… hindi ko matrace kasi to be honest, I first heard of it sa movie na “One More Chance” at prior to that I didn’t even know that such a rule exist. I’m not sure kung may ibang nakakaalam niyan or baka na-mind condition tayo ni John Lloyd na dapat “Tatlong buwan bago ka makipagrelasyon sa iba. Bakit ba kating kati kang palitan ako?!” (Apologies. Memorize ko na yata mga linya ni Popoy. It just flows. Haha!) :p

Okay, disclaimer muna. Bago may magviolent reaction, ito ay pawang opinyon ko lamang at sarili kong pananaw sa buhay at pag-ibig. Wala akong nais patamaan kaya pasintabi sa mga makakarelate. :)

Hindi ko alam kung natackle ko na ‘to sa iba kong blog but I’ll write about it anyway.  Para sa’kin, walang pinipiling panahon ang pagmomove on. Iba iba kasi ang tao. May iba na mabilis, may iba na mabagal. May iba na akala mo nagka-amnesia after the breakup, may iba naman na nastuck na. Hindi mo pwedeng ikahon ang isang tao na “o dapat after 3 months ka pa magmove on”. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t mourn when a relationship dies. Hello?! Ako pa ba eh alam niyo namang may pagka-hopeless romantic ako. Kung meron mang pinaka-importanteng bagay sa’kin, that would be the relationships that I have (with God, family, friends, jowa, etc). Of course, when you lose someone, it’s normal to grieve, to be sad about it, to take your time to embrace the loss and most importantly, to heal.

Walang specific na oras ang makakapagdikta sa kung ano ang dapat mong maramdaman. Kahit gaano pa kayo katagal, 3 days, 1 week, o umabot man kayo ng 4th monthsary o 2 anniversaries, WALANG KAHIT NA SINO ANG MAY KARAPATAN PARA SABIHIN SAYO NA DAPAT NAKA-MOVE ON KA NA. It could take you a month, 3 months, a year, who the heck cares? Puso mo yan, ikaw lang ang dapat nakakaalam.

If you have an ex na nakamove on agad, may karapatan ka masaktan. Pero ibang usapan yung magagalit ka. Wag na natin isipin kung sino ang nakipaghiwalay kasi sa totoo lang, when two people breakup, it doesn’t really matter who broke up with who. Hindi dahil ikaw ang nakipaghiwalay kailangan antayin mong mauna makamove on yung ex mo para di ka maguilty. Hindi rin dahil ikaw ang hiniwalayan ibig sabihin na magkukumahog kang makahanap ng iba para lang patunayan sa ex mo na nagkamali siya na iniwan ka niya. You move on because that’s the next thing you should do when a relationship ends, not because gusto mong gumanti at saktan yung ex mo. Kasi pag ganyan, rebound naman yan teh!

So again, if you’ll ask me kung okay lang ba sa’kin if ever na may ex ako na nakamove on agad… YES! When two people breakup, kasunod na yun, na one day may mamahalin siyang iba at ikaw ganun din. Nagkataon lang na either ikaw o siya, mas napaaga. Pero ito yun… when that happens, RESPECT should remain. For me, it’s okay if you will be in a relationship right away. Buhay mo yan. Masasaktan ako, pero still, buhay mo yan. At dahil wala na tayo, choice mo na yan kung anong trip mo sa buhay mo. I won’t meddle kasi aside sa wala na ‘kong right, eh dapat lang din naman na wala na ‘kong pake. PERO… kung gusto magmove on agad agad, PLEASE, PLEASE LANG… don’t shove it to your ex’s face. I mean at least be discreet about it in the meantime. Wag naman yung post ng post. It could be an expression of love sa current jowa pero alang alang sa pinagsamahan niyo ng ex mo, hindi naman sa itatago mo pero hayaan mong malaman niya ng kusa. Hindi yung sasadyain mong ipakita sa kanya o malaman ng mga taong malapit sa kanya kasi kahit ano pa yung pinagdaanan niyo, respect your ex. Dun mo malalaman din kasi yung halaga mo sa isang tao. Hindi lang sa mag-ex gf/bf, pati na rin sa ex-friends, or anyone you cut ties with. Pag alam mong wala ng mapapala sayo yung tao, you have no use in his or her life anymore (sorry kung medyo harsh yung term), but still nirerespeto ka at yung mararamdaman mo, ibig sabihin nun kahit wala na kayo sa buhay ng isa’t isa, pinapahalagahan niya yung pinagsamahan niyo. At ako sa totoo lang mataas ang respeto ko sa mga taong ganun mag-isip.

The things I said earlier would only apply kung lumandi lang si ex AFTER niyo magbreak. Ibang usapan ang OVERLAP. Kasi para sa’kin ang OVERLAP ay isang form ng CHEATING and CHEATING will never be acceptable. Ewan ko sa definition ng iba pero para sa’kin, cheating is not just being in a relationship with two people at the same time. Para sa’kin, ang cheating nagsisimula pag nag-entertain ka ng ibang tao when you know that you are in a relationship. Wag tayo magbolahan. Alam natin pag nakikipag-flirt tayo. Alam din natin ang klase ng usapan na walang malisya. So pag nagsisimula ka ng magtago sa karelasyon mo at nakakaramdam ka ng kawalan ng gana sa gf o bf mo dahil diyan sa kinakausap mo, YES, form of cheating na yan. And when you break up with your current partner because of that, OVERLAP NA PO YAN. Wag ka magdahilan na kesyo nawawalan kasi ng panahon sayo jowa mo o na kesyo boring na kasi, wala ng spark, etc. Kung hindi ka nag-entertain ng iba habang kayo pa, hindi mo mararamdaman yan. When you’re committed to someone, act like it. Kung nararamdaman mong you want to flirt back with someone other than your partner, makipaghiwalay ka muna. Hindi yung maniniguro ka kung may pupuntahan kayo bago mo bitawan yung isa. Marami akong kilalang nasira ang relasyon dahil sa ganyan. Tetestingin muna, landi here and there, itatago sa gf/bf, pag sure na siya na sasaluhin siya nung isa saka bibitawan yung jowa. Bad yun. Wag maging unfair. Ang lagay nagmomove on ka na hindi pa man kayo break. Remember that when you start entertaining someone while you are in a relationship, dun pa lang nilamatan mo na yung relasyon niyo. Kung nakakafeel ka ng urge to flirt or date other people, don’t do it behind your partner’s back. Gawain lang yun ng taong single so maybe at the back of your head, gusto mo talaga maging single kasi kung mahal mo talaga yung gf/bf mo, ni sumagi sa isip mo na magentertain ng iba, hindi mo magagawa. So just initiate the breakup then do whatever you want after. ;)

Hindi ko na babalikan yung tungkol kay Taylor Swift. Single siya, single si Calvin Harris, single din si Tom Hiddleston. Single ang ex mo, single ka na din (at please lang make sure na single din yung susunod mong ide-date). Walang masama kung gusto mo na magmahal ulit. Basta wag mo lang kakalimutan, whatever you do days or weeks after your breakup, minsan mo ding minahal yung ex mo kaya remember… RESPETO. :)

Carpe diem!

Twitter: @abciddy
Instagram: abciddy

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

When You Wait for God's Best

Photo from:

I woke up today hungry, not for food but for God’s word. I don’t know if you ever felt this way na kahit araw araw ka naman nagdadasal there are days that you just yearn for Him, for His word, for His love. For me, this is one of those days. I searched online for Pastor Erwin Balanay’s series of sermons in Victory Katipunan. Thank you, Lord, for podcasts. I decided to catch up on his preaching before I start working and I think it was the best decision I made today. I thought of sharing my insights just in case this helps kung may pinagdadaanan man kayo.

In Pastor Erwin’s words:
In your life right now, if you are in that point that you don’t know what to do or you are anxious of what’s going to happen next, always remember that GOD MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL. Manalo ka man o matalo sa kahit ano pa mang laban, never forget that GOD IS IN CONTROL.

I realized that many times in my life, I always say “Thy will be done” but how much of those words do I really understand? Sinasabi ko lang ba yun kasi dapat? O sinasabi ko yun kasi yun talaga ang pinaniniwalaan ko? There’s this line from Pastor Erwin “kadalasan sinasabi mo lang yan pero aminin mo, uunahan mo pa rin Siya, susundin mo yung sarili mong diskarte kasi feeling mo ang tagal tagal Niya.”

There’s a lot of truth in what he said and I just realized now that letting God be in control doesn’t mean being lazy and doing nothing. It doesn’t even mean that you’re giving up. It only means that you let go of your worries and trust that He will NEVER abandon you and that He will carry you through NO MATTER WHAT. It means asking Him for direction and not second guessing because you have faith na kahit anong mangyari, HINDING HINDI KA NIYA ILALAGLAG. When things fall apart or when it seems like nothing is happening, those are the moments that God is at work. He’s asking us to TRUST. He’s asking us to WAIT.

Much like in a car, hindi pwedeng dalawa ang nagmamaneho. It’s either you hold the wheel or you sit beside Him and give Him full control, otherwise, maliligaw ka, mababangga ka, masasaktan ka. That’s why you have to choose, it can never be both.

Today, I pray for all those who are lost, confused and worried. May you allow His amazing love to comfort you and may you surrender everything to Him so you could clearly see which direction He wants you to take. If you can’t get the answer now, if you feel that He’s being “too silent”… be patient, my dear friend, because God will make things perfect for you. It may take time but have faith that GOD’S BEST IS ALWAYS WORTH THE WAIT.

If you have experienced God’s awesomeness, I encourage you to share. Masarap Siyang pag-usapan lalo na kung may makakabasang mga tao sa friends’ list mo na gustong gusto Siyang makilala. :)

May God bless your heart.

Carpe diem!

Twitter: @abciddy
Instagram: abciddy

Monday, May 23, 2016

The Five Stages of Relationship

A friend of mine shared this on Facebook and all I said after reading the fifth was "Wow. It made sense." So I just thought of sharing this to you guys. I'm not sure who the real source is but to the one who originally wrote and posted this, thank you and credits to you. :)

If you are in a relationship now, I pray that you reach all the five stages and may you learn and find the true meaning of "love" in each.

Sa mga single naman, dadating din yan. Sabi nga ni Madam Alam Moreno... "dasal lang talaga". :p

Carpe diem!

Twitter: @abciddy
Instagram: abciddy

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

An Open Letter to My First Love and Eternal Bestfriend

Hindi ko alam kung papaano ako magsisimulang magpaalam sayo kasi sa totoo lang, ayoko. Alam mong hindi ako sobrang iyaking tao pero hindi ko akalain na of all people, ikaw pa makakapagpaiyak sakin ng ganito. Ayoko ng ikwento kung papano tayo unang nagkakilala o kung papano tayo nung huli tayong nagkita kasi ang sakit sakit na ng ulo ko kakaiyak. Sa haba at lalim ng pinagsamahan natin baka makatapos ako ng isang libro kaka-enumerate ng memories ko kasama ka.

Lahat ng kaibigan ko kilala ka kasi kahit sa getting to know stage pa lang sa lahat ng nakakasalamuha ko, nababanggit na kita. Ganun ka kahalaga sakin, bes. Parang kalahati ko yung nawala. Paulit ulit kong tinatanong sa sarili ko kahapon, papano na si Jane kung walang Alvi? You left such a big hole in my heart. Kahit pagsama-samahin lahat ng heartaches ko sa buhay mula ng pinanganak ako, by far, losing you is the most painful. Though we had our mini-fights and silent treatments, kahit paulit ulit pa bes, basta pag tatawag ako sayo para makipagbati, alam kong nandyan ka, may magrereply. Ngayon wala ng sasagot sakin. Wala na kong aabangan na magtetext ng “Bes?”

I may know a lot of people and I’ll probably meet more, but no one can ever replace you because what we had was different. It was unique, it was pure. You are the only person who know me too well dahil ikaw lang ang nag-iisang taong dumaan sa buhay ko na naencompass lahat ng klase ng relasyon sa akin. You were once a stranger who became my classmate, my friend, my first love and first boyfriend, my dancemate, my bestfriend, my brother, and my dream partner. Naalala mo nung high school tayo may sinulatan tayong 20-peso bill, binayad natin sa canteen at sabi mo “pag ito bumalik sa isa satin, ibig sabihin tayo talaga”. True enough, nung college na tayo bumalik yung 20-peso bill nung sinukli sayo sa MRT. From then on, we just knew that we have a different kind of connection, we were soulmates. Sabi mo nga “not meant for each other but meant to be together… as friends”.

Maraming salamat sa halos dalawampung taon ng pagkakaibigan, bes. Thank you for being the amazing person that you are and for spending enough time with me in your lifetime. I don’t know if I will ever get over this grief dahil sigurado ako na tuwing maaalala kita, malulungkot ako kasi mamimiss kita. Yung tawa mo, yung mga corny mong jokes, yung pangungulit mo pag nahahyper ka, yung pananahimik mo pag nag-iisip ka, yung gigil mo sa pagkanta kahit nasisintunado ka, yung mga reklamo mo pag ang init init, yung hilig mo sa pagkain, yung pagyayaya mo manood ng movie kasama si Mike pag wala tayo pareparehong magawa, lahat bes. I learned so much from you when you were still with us at ngayong umalis ka, may natututunan pa rin ako. Thank you for teaching me to stay true to myself and for making me realize how short our life is. Na lahat ng pinagkekwentuhan natin noon na gusto nating gawin, simulan ko na kasi hindi natin alam kung ano mangyayari bukas.

I never imagined myself in my old age not having you around, bes. Sabi ko pa nga dati diba, sana tabi tabi tayo ng bahay nila Mike pag matatanda na tayo. Maghihiraman ng toyo. Maghihingian ng suka. I never really cared if in time mabibilang ko nalang sa daliri ko kung ilan ang mga kaibigan ko just as long as you’re one of them. Pero pangako ko sayo, in all my highs and lows, magiging bahagi ka pa rin nun. Yung kwentong sinulat mo na sabi mo hindi mo matapos tapos, hahanapin ko bes and I will make a masterpiece out of it. I promise you, I will pursue all my dreams, lahat ng sabi mo sakin na naniniwala kang mapagtatagumpayan ko, I will do all of it in honor of you.

I may have not been there but I take consolation on the fact that you were with your family and the love of your life during your last moments. Everyone who you left behind especially those who are closest to your heart, we will stay strong bes because I know that this is what you want, for us to heal together. I will talk to you everyday, Alvi, and I will write you as many letters as I can for the rest of my life. One day, when we meet again, payakap ha? Hindi ko kasi nagawa yun nung huli tayong nagkita. We supported each other sa lahat ng bagay, at ngayon, for the last time, kahit ayaw kong iwan mo kami, alam kong diyan ka makakahanap ng kapayapaan. Pakibulong na lang sa Kanya na maraming maraming salamat dahil pinahiram ka Niya sa amin. Pahinga ka na, bes.

PS: Theme song natin nung elementary (na tawang tawa tayo pag pinaguusapan natin)… Ikaw pa rin ang maaalala ko tuwing maririnig ko yung “It Might Be You”.

Mahal na mahal kita, bes. Goodbye, my dear friend.

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Movie Review: This Time

A few readers of mine who are devoted JaDine fans asked me to write a review about James Reid and Nadine Lustre's new film entitled "This Time". I watched the movie and here's what I can say about it... pero teka, disclaimer muna. Ayoko pong ma-bash. Haha! Ito ay pawang opinyon ko lamang. It's up for you guys how you'll take it. I know how passionate some fans can be but I hope wala namang violent reaction. Hehe! 

So, here it goes...

Cinematography, film editing, musical scoring... ANG GANDA. Lalo na yung mga eksena nila sa Japan. Hinintay ko matapos yung credits. Kudos to Viva for employing Japanese experts to join their prod team lalo na dun sa mga eksena nila sa Japan. Napakaswabe ng mga shots. I have watched all their movies, kung sa teknikal lang this is by far the best. In terms of story, it was very light. Ok yung script. Maganda yung batuhan ng linya. Swak, hindi pilit. Winner yung supporting cast especially Candy Pangilinan. I love that part yung sa "special friend, special room, special pathway, special mention, etc" This is the funniest she has ever been in a movie. Galing ng comic timing and bitaw ng linya. James is a bit bulol pa din, fits the character though since si Coby naman hindi naglalagi sa Pilipinas. He's such a debonair. Sa lahat ng movies niya, dito siya pinakagwapo. Nadine, as always, is very simple. Acting-wise, simple din. Walang eksenang grand so hindi niya nashowcase yung skills niya sa drama which is appropriate naman din for the story kasi wala namang bigat yung kwento talaga. Believable siya as a fine arts student. Bagay sa kanya mga ganung roles na medyo artsy. Yung kwento, medyo mababaw yung gay friend na pinagselosan angle. I wish the writer could have played more sa arc nung long distance. I think mas relatable yun. Overall, I still think that Diary Ng Panget is the most entertaining and most kilig but This Time is a good film para matanggal yung Clark-Leah character nila sa kanila. And sa teknikal, ito yung the best. Thumbs up. Worth watching. Kumbaga kung hindi ako fan at first time ko manonood ng JaDine movie, worth the time and money. Saktong pampa GV. I love the ending scene, by the way. That's their most kilig scene for me kasi it looked candid and real. :)

Naisip ko lang as alternative ending... (Disclaimer: Ito ay pawang opinyon ko lamang. Naglaro ang isip ko, naglakbay, napatanong ng "what if". Wala sanang maoffend.)

After nila sa Japan sana dun na sila pinaghiwalay. Na mas pinili nila not to pursue the relationship kasi dun mafifeel yung agony eh. Dun magkakaron ng bigat. Yung feeling na mahal mo pero di pwede maging kayo. Gustong gusto mo pero ang layo layo niyo. Walang problema sa feelings niyo pero yung problema external. Yung circumstance. Dun mas mararamdaman ng tao yung kwento. Kaya nga sabi ko earlier they could have played more sa angle na yun. Wala na yung sa gay friend. Mas marami maeexplore dun eh. Sana nilagyan ng konting weight. Kunwari yung final exhibit say after a year or so siya nangyari, ininvite ni Ava si Coby pero hindi nagreply so she assumed na baka nakalimutan na siya, na nagpalit na ng number, na wala na talaga. Then sa exhibit, kung kailan wala ng tao, pasara na, maiiwan si Ava, meron isang masterpiece dun, kunwari yung ginawa niya sa Japan nung huling beses sila nagsama, inspired by their love story, just when the lights are about to be turned off may hahawak sa kamay niya or may tatabi sa kanya. Magsasabi lang ng one liner na may significance sa kanilang dalawa. Yung boses, yung feeling na parang tatalon yung puso mo, lalabas sa dibdib mo, the first glance after a long time of not seeing each other... iba. Something like that (or maybe a scene less cheesy than this, basta parang ganyan. Haha!). Simple ending pero may impact. Kumbaga nagkaron ng time and space for longing. Na dun nila marerealize na despite the time and the distance sila pa rin talaga. Sabi nila dun sa Japan "the universe conspired for us to be together". How about kung yung ending hindi na yung universe ang nagconspire, how about kung "this time" it was already their choice to be together, hindi na tinadhana kundi pinili na nila. :)

Carpe diem!

Twitter: @abciddy
Instagram: abciddy
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Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Bakit Ka Nga Ba Na-in Love Sa Maling Tao?

I was reading private messages on my Facebook page the other day and there’s this guy who asked me:

Bakit lagi ako napupunta sa maling tao at maling pag-ibig?

My reaction: Ay… ang bigat. :p

Hindi ko alam kung paano sasagutin so it took me a few days kasi kailangan pag-isipan. I promised him that I will write something about it so… here it is.

Wow. I wish I knew the answer. Really. Kasi kung alam ko yung sagot, ang saya saya nun. We could all dodge the Brokenheart Avenue and cut the trip short to Forever Lane. But the thing is, minsan kailangan mo maranasan kung ano ang mali para malaman mo at mas maappreciate kung ano yung tama. Lucky are those people who find their true love early but I’m pretty sure hindi rin yun perfect. In their journey to finding “forever” in each other, sigurado yun na ang dami din nilang pinagdaanan. But most of us, we had to go through a series of failed relationships and love the wrong people before we finally meet the “right one”.

I assume may pinagdadaanan ka kaya mo naitanong yan sakin and I really wish I can say something to make you feel better but I guess that’s one thing na nagpapaganda ng buhay. Yung magkaron tayo ng mga experiences na kailangan i-endure so we could grow as a person and make us better.

I don’t know if this applies to other people but I will take my experience for an example. Tao lang ako, disclaimer ha. Lahat naman tayo pag nasaktan or nadisappoint, we tend to see things negatively so aaminin ko na initially, lalo na pag fresh pa yung heartbreak, feeling mo mali yung nangyari. Mali yung tao. Mali yung naramdaman mo. Mali lahat. Pero ngayon kasi when I think about all my failed relationships, walang bitterness. Hindi mo mababago yung nangyari. May mga part na mapapailing ka nalang kasi maaalala mo na nasaktan ka pala but those experiences, yun yung dahilan why I am the way I am now and I love myself now more than ever. I love all my scars because they remind me so much of how genuinely my heart can love and how far I have gone to heal. So if you are going through something painful now, embrace the feeling because it won’t last, I promise. It may take you a long time but believe me, you will love yourself more after that.

Some people who go through heartbreaking moments tend to blame everything on “love” so uunahan ko na kayo. Love does not suck. What people do with it does. May iba na tumatanggap lang, hindi nagbibigay. May iba naman na nagbibigay lang pero hindi naman pala handang tumanggap. Some people don’t know what to do with it so they ignore how they feel. May iba na inaalagaan. They make it grow. They share it. Bawat tao, bawat klase ng pagmamahal, iba iba. But I never doubted, not even for a second, that it’s real. That “true love” or “forever” or whatever people want to call it, yes my dear friend, it exists. I haven’t dated in a long time but I fall in love every single day. I find reasons to believe in it. I see it with my dog when he licks my face in the morning. I see it with my brother and his girlfriend when they laugh at each other’s corny jokes. I see it with my parents who hold hands when they watch TV. I see it with lolos and lolas who walk beside each other in malls. I felt it with my exes who I loved immensely and who I believe at some point loved me back sincerely. I see it in mothers who look at their child as if they are the most beautiful thing in the world. I see it with my friends who bug me every now and then because they miss me. And best of all, I feel it whenever I put my hands together in prayer. You see it everywhere. It may have failed you at one point in your life but that doesn’t mean na hindi yun totoo. True love exists so don’t let pain make you believe otherwise. Sometimes I wish I could let others see life and love the way I see it because despite all the awful things around us, it is so damn beautiful.

Pag nagmahal ka, magmahal ka lang. Pag binalik sayo, pag sinuklian ka ng tama, be grateful and take good care of it. Kung hindi naman, tanggapin at magpatawad dahil ang puso mo, pag busilak, pag totoo, gagawa ng paraan ang langit para ibalik yan sayo. :)

Carpe diem!

Twitter: @abciddy
Instagram: abciddy

Monday, February 1, 2016

A Letter to My Readers

This letter is actually long overdue. I was supposed to write this as a part of my New Year ritual but I got a bit preoccupied with so many things the past few weeks. Still writing and posting it now because I really want my message to come across kaya medyo bear with the drama parts nalang :p

First of all, I would like to say THANK YOU to everyone na naging bahagi ng writing journey ko. It has been awesome since Project Ex at talagang nakakamiss kayong kakulitan. Thank you for being my source of strength and motivation. Marami sa inyo laging sinasabi that I have inspired you in some way pero gusto kong malaman niyo na kayo din ang inspirasyon ko why I do the things that I do. Thank you for giving me so many reasons to keep this fire in my heart burning. I can’t thank you guys enough for the love and support.

To all the admins of Abciddinians (Dezza and Jenny), Team ABCD (Thet, Mommy Faith, Levi and Vi-anne), WeLoveAbciddy and sa mga OP’s ng mga social media accounts ng mga characters sa mga kwento ko, you guys amaze me. Really. The dedication and the time that you are giving just to show your support to me, ibang klase kayo. Sa lahat ng bumili ng libro ko, sa mga nagbasa at patuloy na nag-iiwan ng feedback sa mga pinopost ko sa Wattpad, sa lahat ng nagbibigay ng suggestions at requests, sa lahat ng love messages and tweets that you guys send me, sa appreciation, sa mga ngiti at hello at mga personal letters na natanggap ko sa mga booksigning events… MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT. You guys have no idea how grateful I am to God for giving me each one of you. I hope you guys know that I cherish this small family of ours and I will continue to share stories hanggat humihinga ako.

Sa mga nagtatanong what’s going to happen next with Abciddy, naku. Mahirap magupdate ng mga ganap ko sa ngayon because I’m working on so many things. If you have been reading my blogs and social media posts, I’m sure you guys know my ultimate dream and I have been working on it for years but I made a conscious decision that I’ll do it full blast this 2016. I have dropped a few activities so I could focus on writing so expect several updates here and there starting this month of February.

Kung ako ang tatanungin, I am already living the dream. Hindi pa man dumadating yung major break na hinihintay at pinagdadasal ko but having published a physical book (Thank you so much PSICOM) and 5 stories in Wattpad, plus having awesome readers like you guys who I consider my friends too, this is way more than I have imagined. Sa mga masusulat ko pa in the future both books or movies (hopefully, Godwilling), sa passion na meron ako ngayon, all of it I offer first to the Lord and of course, sa inyong lahat who have walked with me on this wonderful journey.

About the get-together, yes. Magkakaron po this year. It was hard to plan it in 2015 but whatever happens, we will make it happen this year kasi excited na ko talaga na makabonding kayong lahat. Hopefully, this year din, if time and budget will permit, I really want to push yung free writing workshop as a form of giving back na rin to the writing community. I’m also thinking of one charity event din that will involve volunteer work from my readers who would like to take part. Help me pray na maachieve natin lahat yan this year.

To end this open letter, I would like to encourage you guys to make the most out of 2016 because this year will only come once. Hindi na maibabalik. There’s always something special in turning a new leaf so take this as an opportunity to start fresh.

Sa mga students, study hard. I know cliché na pakinggan pero totoo, pag labas niyo sa real world mamimiss niyo ng sobra ang pagiging estudyante because the battle field when you leave school is a lot tougher and you will need to carry as much good memories as you can to keep you going. Work on your future now. Get good grades, do well in school, enjoy the company of your friends, and ito, totoo ‘to, get to know your teachers and professors because you will benefit from their guidance and wisdom.

Sa mga nagtatrabaho na, kahit na ano pa ang edad niyo, pursue whatever it is that God wants for you. Share your blessings and always value kindness and generosity because trust me, it will go a long way. Kung may pinagdadaanan ka, sa trabaho man yan o lovelife o kung ano pa mang aspeto ng buhay, isa lang ang weapon mo to survive – PRAYER. Never forget that.

Sa lahat ng mga nangangarap, God knows your heart. Gaya ng sinabi ko sa isa kong tweet… BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU PRAY FOR. Whatever dreams you have, work for it. Sabi nga nila “The more seeds you plant, the more chances to harvest.” Walang sukuan kahit mahirap… dapa, tayo, lakad… tuloy lang.

Tonight and always, I will pray for your heart and your dreams. God bless you guys! :)

Carpe diem!

Twitter: @abciddy
Instagram: abciddy

Monday, January 11, 2016

Ayoko ng "DUHAT"

Time check: 1AM

Sa pagkaoverwhelm ko, hindi ko magawang matulog so I thought of writing about it not just to release this certain energy but also to share His Word.

Let me tell you about this weird dream I had last night. Bumili daw ako ng sinigang na hipon and when I got home, tinapon ko daw sa drain pero napahinto ako nung napansin ko na dalawang hipon nalang yung natitira (oo, nabilang ko siya). Takang taka ako kung bakit ko siya tinapon. Binili ko nga eh, so bakit ko itatapon? Sunday afternoon, I told my brother about this dream and I was amazed by his interpretation. Sabi niya “baka ibig sabihin nun may opportunity na dumating o dadating pa lang na palalampasin mo tapos manghihinayang ka kung kailan wala na”. Sa current situation ko, it really made sense.

Hours after that conversation, we attended the service in Katipunan, second Sunday na sinubukan ko sa Victory. Again, Pastor Erwin blew me away. Through his preaching, I felt that God spoke to me at nasagot lahat ng agam-agam ko. He talked about declaring your dreams, your prayers, your deepest desires. So what’s with the “DUHAT” in my title and the photo posted along with this entry? 

Pastor Erwin compared opportunities in life to grapes and duhat. The great and the so-so. The best and the “pwede na”. He said God is giving you all the best that He could offer but it will always be your choice if you will settle for a “duhat” career, a “duhat” love life, or a “duhat” spiritual life all because you are scared – scared to lose, scared to fail, scared to kung ano ano pa. Some people don’t even try to seek for the best. They keep on making excuses and justify it by telling themselves “pwede na ‘to, okay na ‘to”.

Narealize ko today… hindi ito ang gusto Niya para sa atin. That we need to have bigger dreams and achieve it with bigger faith. Be brave enough to claim for the things that you think you deserve. It has nothing to do with ego o pagyayabang. It’s more about having audacious faith that whatever happens, God will back you up. If He knows that you have pure intentions and that you will use it to glorify Him, ngayon pa lang, CLAIM IT. Claim it because it’s yours. Be bold enough to think about your dreams and say “Because God is with me, THIS IS MINE”. Pangarapin mo yung imposible at samahan mo ng pananampalataya, that kind of faith that can move mountains. That kind of faith na kahit mapahiya ka dahil may posibilidad na hindi mangyari, idedeclare mo pa rin at ikeclaim na iyo kasi alam mong hindi ka Niya pababayaan. 

About the photo…

Kinunan ko siya nung January 1 when I watched a movie and I had it edited as soon as I got home. Tinititigan ko siya every morning and I whisper a short prayer… “Lord, one day diba?” Hindi lahat ng tao alam ‘to at ayaw ko siya ipaalam sa totoo lang kasi nahihiya ako. 

Maiksing backstory muna…

When I was young, every after class and during weekends nanonood ako ng VHS tapes. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang pelikula na ang napanood ko at kahit yung mga classic na mga pelikula pinapatulan ko. Nagsimula sa pagiging pastime but my fascination grew into something deep and yun na siguro yun – PASSION. Nasa Grade 2 pa lang ako pinangarap ko na makagawa ng pelikula. I don’t know if my mom remembers pero may one time noon na nagmaktol ako ng sobra. I was in Grade 6 then. Kinukulit ko siya kasi gusto ko talaga ng director’s chair. Saan naman siya hahanap nun para iregalo sa anak niyang what… 12 years old? :p  Una kong pinangarap makapagsulat ng pelikula bago ko pa nadiskubre na gusto kong makapagsulat ng libro.

Yan. Yan yung secret dream ko. Hindi ko madeclare, hindi ko maclaim kasi ang nasa isip ko lagi “pag hindi nagkatotoo mapapahiya lang ako. Hindi lang sa ibang tao, pinaka-higit sa sarili ko.” And if that happens, hindi ko alam kung mate-take ko. You know that feeling na ang tagal mong minahal at prinotektahan sa isip mo tapos sa realidad pala hindi magiging iyo? Ganun yung naramdaman ko noon. That I’d rather have it just as a dream. Hindi naging akin pero pwede ko pangarapin. Pero yung susubukan kong tuparin tapos sesemplang ako, how do I come back from that? Heartbreaking eh. Mas malala pa sa iniwan ka ng jowa mo. 

Going back to Pastor Erwin’s preaching, naiyak ako, promise. I was trying hard to hold it back kasi nahihiya akong maging emotional sa public place pero hindi ko napigil (may two or three tears ata na pumatak). I felt Him patting me on the shoulder and telling me “Akala ko ba tag team tayo? Trust Me… ako bahala sayo.”

This dream, this photo, sobrang personal ‘to para sakin. Mabibilang ko sa mga daliri ko sa isang kamay kung ilan lang ang nakakita nito but I am posting it here now to make a meaningful declaration…

This 2016… I will make my first movie. 

On December 31, 2016, I will look back on this post at dalawa lang ang pwedeng mangyari…

1. Ngingiti ako dahil natupad siya and I am living the dream.
2. Ngingiti ako dahil hindi man siya natupad, I am still a winner because God is with me. And who knows... maybe someone will be inspired by this post at siya matupad niya yung pangarap niya. Achievement na rin, diba? :)

But for the time being, I will continue to fight for this dream and do everything I can to make it happen, no excuses. So tonight, I will have a good rest because tomorrow is my Day 1 of battle. 

Ikaw? Anong declaration mo ngayong taon? :)

To everyone who will read this, I pray that you trust in the Lord, too. Lahat ng mga pangarap mo sabihin mo sa Kanya at wag kang matakot na tuparin lahat kasama Siya kasi ano pa man ang mangyari, when you are with Him, WALA KANG TALO.

May God bless your heart :)

Carpe diem!