Sunday, January 25, 2015

What Breakups Teach You

Photo from pixshark.com



One friend asked me…

“Sa lahat ng breakups mo, ano natutunan mo?”

I wasn’t able to answer quickly. I just said “Give me time, tanungin mo ko ulit next time promise by then may sagot na ko.” So I contemplated for a whole night.

So here it is…

I learned na kahit ikaw pa ang pinakamatinong tao sa mundo, it won’t guarantee that the people around you will treat you the same. It doesn’t necessarily mean na masama silang tao, or that you are better than them. Sometimes people are just, I don’t know…people? They may be that way dahil sa upbringing, or meron silang pinagdadaanan na hindi mo alam, or mali ka lang talaga ng pagkakakilala sakanila, o sadyang ganun lang talaga sila. Kung ano pa man, the thing is hindi mo kailangan ianalyze and don’t let them change how you see the world.

Kailangan mo lang tanggapin na hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon makukuha mo yung klase ng pagtrato na inaasahan mo. Either you accept it and go along with it, or shun them and just walk away for your sanity’s sake.

I learned that forgiveness is always an option. Gusto ko magmura, gusto ko magalit, gusto ko magwala, the thing is hindi ko magawa. I woke up one day and just decided that I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I don’t want to take care of this certain darkness kasi natatakot ako that it might swallow my heart whole and the next thing I know hindi na ko marunong magmahal. Solution? Bitter pill to swallow pero isa lang… magpatawad. Forgive the person who crushed your heart and forgive yourself too. Ito yung pinakamahirap na kailangan kong gawin kasi sa totoo lang it’s easier to hate someone, pero yung magtanim ng sama ng loob… I know deep down that I’m not that kind of person and I won’t let painful incidents taint my character.

I learned na kahit gaano ka pa masaktan, the people around you who remained and made you feel valuable are more than enough to heal you. Na may mga taong dumating, dadating, at hindi mawawala sa buhay mo kasi tanggap nila at mahal nila lahat lahat sayo. I’m talking about your family and your friends. Those people na minsan naooverlook mo pero in your lowest point sila pa yung mga taong matitira't sasalo sayo.

I learned na kahit magmahal ka ng sobra sobra hindi ibig sabihin nun the person will love you back. Or they might but not in the way you expect them to. Not the same level of loyalty. Not the same degree of passion. But it’s not their fault. Whoever said that LOVE is easy? At sino din bang nagsabi na pagnagmahal ka hindi ka masasaktan? Iba ibang paraan ng pananakit, intentional o hindi, bottomline is pag nagmahal ka imposibleng hindi ka iiyak.

I learned na pag niloko ka, sinaktan o iniwan hindi ibig sabihin may mali sayo. It has a lot to do with who they are. Or minsan, they are the ones who changed everything for you but you are not the one who changed everything for them. Again, not your fault. Not theirs either. 99% of your relationships will fail. So the day na nagsimula kang pumasok sa relasyon dapat alam mo na yun. And that’s the beauty of life and love, the search for that 1%, kung sino man siya. Lucky are those who find theirs ng maaga. For some na hindi, you don’t have to find them. Ni hindi mo kailangan maghintay because whether you like it or not, your “the one” will happen. And your 1%? This time you are that person who will change everything for them and the day you realize na siya na yung tamang tao para sayo, it will all be clear na lahat ng natutunan mo pala, natutunan mo dahil dadating siya.

So am I happy? I would say hopeful. :)



Carpe diem!

Facebook: www.facebook.com/abciddy
Instagram: abciddy
Twitter: @abciddy
Wattpad: www.wattpad.com/abciddy

Parang Kayo (Pero "Parang" Lang)



I noticed nowadays that there are so many people who opt to have this kind of relationship. May iba naman na hindi nila gusto ng ganito kalabong setup but because they are already emotionally invested, go nalang. Like what I always say, kanya kanyang trip yan. There are some people who prioritize convenience kaya they choose to settle for this. Oo nga naman, no breakup hassle. Pag ayaw mo na, hindi naman kayo, so anytime you want to bail, off you go. Other people naman would like to keep their options open. You get to enjoy the perks of being in a relationship without actually being in one.

Here’s my take.

Everything boils down to what you want. Yun lagi ang magdidikta kung saan ka pupunta at ano ang kaya at hindi mo kayang tanggapin. If you guys know what you’re getting into, pag pareho kayo na ok sa ganitong setup, kahit tumagal kayo ng dekada wala kayong dapat pag-usapan. The dilemma only starts when one of you begins to desire for something more.

The next few lines may give people the impression that I am a commitment freak but this is just how I see things. I CAN be in a pseudo-relationship but I DON’T WANT TO. I used to enjoy this when I was a bit younger but now, I learned how to value my time and how to focus on pursuing things that I want - nothing more, nothing less. When I date someone, I can easily identify whether we’re better off as friends or if there’s a potential. Pakilig, pabitin, I’m all for that. That’s the joy of dating right? Pero may hangganan yun. When I start liking someone, that’s when I gauge whether we want the same thing or not. If it’s the former, I will do everything to build something crazy beautiful with you. But if we’re not on the same boat, I won’t play your game. I know what I can give in a relationship, it’s either you take it or you don’t. For me, it’s either we’re friends or we’re something more, walang in between. If you can’t commit, then we’re friends. Being so, expect me to treat you just as a friend. No sweet nothings whatsoever.

Commitment means so much to me because when a person gives it to you, it means that they love and respect you enough to know that you deserve them COMPLETELY.

To one of my readers who asked me to write about this topic, thank you for sharing your story with me. Her situation… this one guy she’s in a pseudo-relationship with for two years, would drop her anytime, mawawala ng parang bula pag nagkaka-gf tapos pag nagkakalabuan sila biglang magpaparamdam ulit (pero di pa din magcocommit sakanya). Sorry to say this but that’s outright bastusan. I may not know him pero based sa kwento mo, ito lang yun: ayaw niya mabakante. How can he tell you that he loves you if he doesn’t even respect how you feel? Hindi ba parang nakakapagpaisip naman yun that he’s so willing to commit to other people but not to you?

Sometimes you have to reassess yourself too because what most of us forget is that we are the ones who tell other people how we should be treated. And this, sorry but it’s not love because when you really love someone you don’t treat her this way.

And to my other reader who’s in a pseudo-relationship with someone who’s committed…

My Friend… he’s cheating on his gf and you are an accessory to his crime. Respect his relationship. Yes, hindi kayo but that’s just a technicality. That’s considered an emotional affair. Let’s put it this way, if you have a bf, will it be okay with you kung may “friend” siya that he shares special feelings with? Kung sasabihin mo sakin na ok lang sayo, maiintindihan kita if you will tolerate this. But if you yourself can’t take this kind of setup kung ikaw yung nasa posisyon ng gf niya, then make it clear both to yourself and your object of affection that you can’t be more than friends unless he becomes single.

Walang scarcity ng lalaki o babae sa mundo. Sometimes the problem with people is that they don’t have the patience to wait and the courage to fight for what they think they truly deserve. I believe that there’s always somebody for someone so don’t ever be worried na wala ng dadating na mas kayang ibigay sayo kung ano yung dapat. Ang atensyon at pagmamahal hindi dapat nililimos o ipinagmamakaawa. If you ever find yourself in this situation, STOP. THINK. WALK AWAY.


Carpe diem!



Facebook: www.facebook.com/abciddy
Instagram: abciddy
Twitter: @abciddy
Wattpad: www.wattpad.com/abciddy