I noticed nowadays that there are so many people who opt to have this kind of relationship. May iba naman na hindi nila gusto ng ganito kalabong setup but because they are already emotionally invested, go nalang. Like what I always say, kanya kanyang trip yan. There are some people who prioritize convenience kaya they choose to settle for this. Oo nga naman, no breakup hassle. Pag ayaw mo na, hindi naman kayo, so anytime you want to bail, off you go. Other people naman would like to keep their options open. You get to enjoy the perks of being in a relationship without actually being in one.
Here’s my take.
Everything boils down to what you want. Yun lagi ang magdidikta kung saan ka pupunta at ano ang kaya at hindi mo kayang tanggapin. If you guys know what you’re getting into, pag pareho kayo na ok sa ganitong setup, kahit tumagal kayo ng dekada wala kayong dapat pag-usapan. The dilemma only starts when one of you begins to desire for something more.
The next few lines may give people the impression that I am a commitment freak but this is just how I see things. I CAN be in a pseudo-relationship but I DON’T WANT TO. I used to enjoy this when I was a bit younger but now, I learned how to value my time and how to focus on pursuing things that I want - nothing more, nothing less. When I date someone, I can easily identify whether we’re better off as friends or if there’s a potential. Pakilig, pabitin, I’m all for that. That’s the joy of dating right? Pero may hangganan yun. When I start liking someone, that’s when I gauge whether we want the same thing or not. If it’s the former, I will do everything to build something crazy beautiful with you. But if we’re not on the same boat, I won’t play your game. I know what I can give in a relationship, it’s either you take it or you don’t. For me, it’s either we’re friends or we’re something more, walang in between. If you can’t commit, then we’re friends. Being so, expect me to treat you just as a friend. No sweet nothings whatsoever.
Commitment means so much to me because when a person gives it to you, it means that they love and respect you enough to know that you deserve them COMPLETELY.
To one of my readers who asked me to write about this topic, thank you for sharing your story with me. Her situation… this one guy she’s in a pseudo-relationship with for two years, would drop her anytime, mawawala ng parang bula pag nagkaka-gf tapos pag nagkakalabuan sila biglang magpaparamdam ulit (pero di pa din magcocommit sakanya). Sorry to say this but that’s outright bastusan. I may not know him pero based sa kwento mo, ito lang yun: ayaw niya mabakante. How can he tell you that he loves you if he doesn’t even respect how you feel? Hindi ba parang nakakapagpaisip naman yun that he’s so willing to commit to other people but not to you?
Sometimes you have to reassess yourself too because what most of us forget is that we are the ones who tell other people how we should be treated. And this, sorry but it’s not love because when you really love someone you don’t treat her this way.
And to my other reader who’s in a pseudo-relationship with someone who’s committed…
My Friend… he’s cheating on his gf and you are an accessory to his crime. Respect his relationship. Yes, hindi kayo but that’s just a technicality. That’s considered an emotional affair. Let’s put it this way, if you have a bf, will it be okay with you kung may “friend” siya that he shares special feelings with? Kung sasabihin mo sakin na ok lang sayo, maiintindihan kita if you will tolerate this. But if you yourself can’t take this kind of setup kung ikaw yung nasa posisyon ng gf niya, then make it clear both to yourself and your object of affection that you can’t be more than friends unless he becomes single.
Walang scarcity ng lalaki o babae sa mundo. Sometimes the problem with people is that they don’t have the patience to wait and the courage to fight for what they think they truly deserve. I believe that there’s always somebody for someone so don’t ever be worried na wala ng dadating na mas kayang ibigay sayo kung ano yung dapat. Ang atensyon at pagmamahal hindi dapat nililimos o ipinagmamakaawa. If you ever find yourself in this situation, STOP. THINK. WALK AWAY.