Image from dreamicus.com
I had a conversation with one of my readers the other day. As I was thinking of a topic to write about today, bigla ko siyang naalala.
He asked me: How do you tell someone that you’ve fallen out of love without hurting her?
Sa part na “without hurting her”, sarap mo kutusan, N! Haha! Though nasabi ko na sa’yo ‘to pero... WALANG GANUN! :p Kahit gaano kalambing boses mo, kahit sabihin mo sa harap ng Eiffel Tower, kahit magpa-fireworks display ka habang nakikipag-split, MASAKIT YUN! Falling out of love is never romantic. Sabi nga ni James Ingram “When it falls apart, there’s no easy way to break somebody’s heart”. :p
When you fall out of love...
Honesty is the best policy, Kuya. Some people kasi naghihintay na magkamali yung isa para makahanap ng dahilan para makipaghiwalay o di kaya magpapakacold at hihintayin na yung isa yung bumigay, mali yun. Maling mali. Masakit na nga na iiwan mo, pagi-guiltyhin mo pa kahit wala naman siyang kasalanan. If there’s one thing that I value now more than ever, yun na yun, honesty. Masaktan ka man o di kaya makasakit ka ng iba, malaking bagay yung alam mo at masabi mo kung ano yung totoo.
Hindi ko alam yung feeling because in my entire relationship history parang never pa ata na ako talaga yung sumuko. I have felt that way maybe, yung parang ayaw ko na, but I always find a way how to get the feeling back kasi ang mindset ko pag nasa relationship, kung susukuan mo, walang relasyon na tatagal sayo. And in any relationship hindi naman yan laging masaya. A lasting relationship needs work, patience and the “never give up” attitude. Swerte ka kung makatagpo ka ng kapareho mo kasi in that case, for keeps na yan.
But then, may mga klase ng “falling out of love” na hindi na talaga marerevive. So kesa magsuffer kayong pareho being in a loveless and unhappy relationship, be brave enough to tell her how you feel. It will hurt you too, I’m sure of that kasi sino ba namang tao ang may gusto na makasakit di ba? But that’s the only advice I can give you. Wag ka na mamili ng timing kasi walang perfect day para makipag-break. The more na pinatatagal, the more na makakasakit ka. Just do what you have to do. The guilt of hurting someone you used to care a lot about will creep in for sure pero isipin mo na lang, mas okay na yun than lying to her everyday.
When the one you love tells you that they don’t feel the same way anymore...
I will never say na “Okay lang yan!” kasi isa yung malaking kalokohan. Hindi yan okay. Masakit yan. Hindi ko na iisa-isahin yung five stages of grief kasi para sa’kin isa lang yung significant na part dun. Yung ACCEPTANCE. It will be a painful and gruelling journey but I pray that you come out of it stronger and better. Curse him all you want, be angry and resentful, do what a normal human being who has been broken by love would do, pero stage lang yan, wag mong tambayan. That’s the sad truth about love. One day, you fall in and then you fall out of it. Two things can happen, either you find your way back and fall again (with the same person of course) or you just give up. If he chose the latter, you do whatever it takes to TRULY heal and move on (without casualties, I’m referring to rebound and all other forms of moving on na may iba kang masasaktan). Him falling out of love is not your fault and you are not in control of how he feels so never beat yourself up about it. Misplaced guilt yun. You may also want to consider too na hindi lang ikaw ang nasaktan. Siya rin panigurado. Relationships fail dahil at some point nagkulang kayong pareho. Just focus on your own healing and although it will take a lot of sleepless nights and cryfest here and there, trust me. It’s going to get better.
Like what I always say in my previous blogs, ang love at relationship ay trial and error. Out of all na makakarelasyon mo isa lang ang makakatuluyan mo. It’s a journey. You will never know who, when or how pero siguradong may inilaang tao para sayo. When you’re in a relationship, treat it as if it is the last you will ever have because that’s the moment that you will get to appreciate it for what it is. If it works, then well and good. If it doesn’t, no regrets because when it comes to love, pag naibigay mo kung ano yung dapat, wala kang pagsisisihan.