Hardest thing I had to endure in the past week – remembering how I once felt for someone. It was straight out confusing. Ito lang ha… hindi dahil writer ako ibig sabihin na eksperto ako sa larangan ng pag-ibig. Hindi dahil nakakapag-blog ako na para bang napakarami kong alam eh ibig sabihin na nauunawaan na ng puso ko lahat. So let me be a bit vulnerable tonight…
I know some of you have gone through something like this. Yun bang parang akala mo limot na ng puso mo pero magigising ka isang araw everything just came rushing back. Natatawa ako sa totoo lang kasi diba pag ganito dapat naiinis ka, bothered, di mapakali? I felt… weird?
One night, I decided to just lie down and remember everything. I placed my hand on my chest and tried to feel my heartbeat. When I opened my eyes, I found myself smiling. Ang sarap pala marealize na kahit nasaktan ka ng sobra ng isang tao, yung sobrang pagmamahal mo sa kanya noon was more than enough to put your heart back together. Walang bitterness. Walang regret. Nawala yung pain, ang natira yung magagandang memories dahil yun yung pinili ng puso mo na maalala.
Going back sa first sentence ng blog ko… “hardest thing”. Bakit nga ba “hardest thing”? Siguro dahil nung una hindi ko alam kung ano gagawin ko. Will I allow myself to keep feeling this way? Should I just dust it off and pretend na wala lang ‘to? And I did the best thing… I prayed. Surprisingly, I got my answer right away. (That’s how great God is.)
I don’t know if I started feeling this way dahil… naman… 2 years na kong single, may karapatan naman siguro akong mamiss how it is to fall in love. Dun yata ako naconfuse. I needed to know if it is just “longing” that I feel o totoo na ‘to.
Minsan may mga bagay na para mas makita mo ng maayos kailangan mo lumayo so you could see the larger view. If it fits… if it is according to what your heart really wants… if it is how God wants your life to be. And that’s what I am doing now I guess. I submit this to Him and trust that I am doing the right thing. That if what I feel is real, He’ll bring us back together. By then I would know na may blessing na Niya and that He wants this for me. But if not, I know for sure that better things are coming ahead. (It feels so good that God, finally, is in control.)
Minsan may nagtanong sakin:
“Paano mo malalaman kung tama yung desisyon mo?”
Now I can answer that because that’s exactly how I feel… AT PEACE. When you find peace in your heart, you know you made the right call.