Photo from thecollegecrush.com
“Paano mo ba malalaman na nakamove on ka na?”
Seriously, ang hirap sagutin. Years ago when I didn’t know how to handle a badly bruised sense of self and a then-I-thought-irreparable heart, naghahanap ako ng checklist online, just in case lang naman may makita ako’t masabi ko din sa sarili ko na “Ok na ok na ko.”
Pwede ko sabihin sayo na nakamove on ka na pag hindi ka na umiiyak minu-minuto tuwing naaalala mo siya. O di kaya hindi na nasisira ang araw mo marinig mo lang yung theme song niyong dalawa. Pero sa totoo lang walang ibang makaka-identify niyan kundi ikaw lang. Kahit magsurvey ka pa sa lahat ng taong nasaktan na’t iniwan, iba iba tayo ng trip sa buhay so walang general rule or indication na magaapply sa lahat ng tao.
This is just my point of view. If asked again kung papaano ko nalalaman na nakamove on na ko…
Pag hindi na ko nasasaktan…
I take it one day at a time. I cry, then cry some more hanggang sa ako na mismo ang manawa. Sometimes you just have to survive one hurting day after another until you wake up and realize that your heart is no longer breaking. The moment you quit asking questions and embrace your brokenness, that’s when true healing begins.
When I realize that I’m no longer talking about it…
Not because I’m teaching myself to forget the past but simply because it no longer matters. Totoo namang masarap pag-usapan at nakakatulong magbitter-bitteran but at some point you just get tired of it and soon enough you’ll realize that it is already irrelevant.
When you lose all desire of taking control of everything…
Na hindi mo kayang kontrolin pag nakahanap na siya ng iba. That you have accepted the fact that it all happened for a reason. That though it doesn’t make any sense at the moment you just trust that the universe immersed you to all that shit so you could save yourself and grow. That yes, maybe what they say is true, you deserve someone better or perhaps… simpleng hindi lang talaga kayo para sa isa’t isa. Na kahit irewind mo pa sa isip mo, you can’t do anything to change the outcome. You know that saying about death na “pag oras mo, oras mo na”? The same thing applies in relationships. Wala kang mababago kahit anong gawin mo kasi kung talagang hanggang dun lang kayo, yun na yun.
Pag napatawad ko na yung nakasakit sakin…
As in with no BS, kaya ko na humarap sakanya ng hindi ko siya minumura sa isip ko. That though I admit I seek justice dahil sinaktan ako, the sincerity of wishing them happiness matters more.
Pag napatawad ko na sarili ko…
For the things I should and shouldn’t have done. For loving myself less. For hurting myself in the process.
When I start being excited about life again...
This tops it all, at least for me. I can say that I have moved on the moment I find myself smiling because I started hoping that what lies ahead is so much bigger than the pain I went through. That love will happen to me again, maybe not anytime soon but in God’s perfect time. That I may have lost one person but there are more people who chose to stay with me and the best part is that their love is more than enough to heal me.
Walang manual sa pagmomove on. Wala ding ultimatum na pag umabot na ng taon at hindi ka pa din buo eh ibig sabihin loser ka na. Pwedeng mabilis, pwedeng matagal, walang rules na dapat sundin. But what I have observed na common denominator ng mga taong nakakamove on… they make a conscious decision to take a step forward and kahit magrelapse, they get back up and refuse to get stuck.